seduce me with ur history knowledge
vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft
During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.
raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death
during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.
The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people
King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.
Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.
Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes
At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.
When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.
Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.
During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.
People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago World’s Fair because of Chicago’s history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. It’s now the Museum of Science and Industry.
The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.
Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler) nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottoman’s, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives
Just googled the last one because holy shit that’s magnificent and seemed to good to be true, but not only did it actually happen, but I also learned that radu was known as “radu the beautiful”
fun date idea: stab him in the leg
Vlad: If you liked him, why did you stab him, for fuck sake?
Radu: I fucking panicked.
History was wild  folks
Jack Churchill, known as Mad Jack, was a British Officer during WW2. He loved hunting nazis, playing the bagpipes, and archery. He loved them so much that he did them all at the same time.
Churchill killed a nazi with a long bow in battle as well. Maybe his gun jammed, but more likely he did it because when you’re a badass you do badass shit.
He was captured multiple times and tossed in concentration camps. He escaped everytime. One of his escapes wasn’t so much an escape as just an exit. He just walked on out of there. Who the fuck going to stop him after all.
He snuck out off base one night in Italy with his claymore sword because I guess he couldn’t sleep and figured capturing 42 nazi officers with only his sword would be a good way to overcome insomnia. So he did that.
He so loved his sword that he is famous for saying no soldier is properly dressed for battle without one.
Oh - and he worked as a male model too.
This has been a rollercoaster
Back when Rome was still a Republic (so a democratic form of government without an emperor and the Senate was actually in charge) they had a special hill with a big special rock at the bottom.
The purpose of this was that whenever anyone tried to threaten the democracy of the Roman republic they would throw them off the hill so that their bodies would be dashed against the rock and die. This was done even to senators that tried to fuck with the citizens etc through their position.
This was both a form of punishment of course, but was also a symbolic gesture to set a clear example, that if you try and break the people’s will, the people and land itself will break you instead.
It was a cool rock.
Also, because topical, the American pledge of allegiance was made as a marketing campaign to sell flags to schools. It was literally an advertising scheme, and we just went with it
The modern birthstone list is also a marketing campaign, incidentally; while tying gemstones to months is an old tradition, the list everyone knows about was initially put together in 1912 by American jewellers who wanted a way to shift some of their inventory, then updated a few times as demand changed.
We need the big democracy rock back
Back in YE OLD ENGLAND, they had no concept of gender or sex as we know it. They firmly believed that “men” (people with penises) were properly “cooked” in the womb, and so their genitals properly descended, and that “women” (people with vaginas) were improperly “cooked”. All were simply a different state of “the same thing.”
As a result, we have many legal records of people dressing or living as the gender opposite of what they were assigned at birth, being taken to court, and using an explanation like “aha, you see, I was riding on my horse too hard, and my genitals SCHELORPD back up into my body, but I assure you I was born a man” and “I tripped and fell, and the impact was so hard, my genitals descended, but I was born a woman, I swear.”
And the courts said “fine, but you must pick a gender and live with it for the rest of your life.”
And so that’s how for quite some time, transgender people and gay marriage were legally allowed to exist in YE OLDE ENGLAND.
IT’S BACK AND EVEN LONGER
