Kat-isms

No. 19 - Reclaiming the Wonder That Expectations Steal from You

...And perhaps, without the allure of secrecy and “naughtiness,” the distorted thrill that predators and abusers draw from sexual power would lose its fuel. In a culture where openness, consent, and respect are the norm, the shame and taboo that once gave predators cover would no longer empower them.

The perfect handshake is just like a good hug... Gentle, but firm. Firm, but not crushing.

A lot of people are trying to find a balance between fear, being vulnerable, and being guarded while pursuing their desires. 

Sometimes it takes things going awry for the best outcomes to occur. New, unexpected opportunities arise from chaos. Always look for what you can learn from mishaps, and how you can use them to your advantage.

Be patient... Sometimes inspiration for the best solutions can only come in time.

Culture has set us up to expect something that life does not guarantee us… The idea that we will all find “the one”, “someone we deserve”, our “happily ever after”. Many fixate on finding someone who will save them from their void; and they beat themselves up, and struggle with depression because the expectation that we deserve “the one”. We see memes online that are well-intentioned, reading phrases like, “Don’t worry. Someday you’ll find someone who deserves you and who will love you like no one else.” This may sound cold, but it is healthy for us to acknowledge and accept that this may never happen. Once we accept that there is nothing inherent that promises that a suitable life-partner will appear, we can learn to find fulfillment through ourselves, our goals, and a diverse range of types of relationships. The bonus? If we are well-rounded and not waiting to place the burden on someone to fill our own voids, we will be in a healthy place that makes sustainable love more realistic. Expect someone else to make us complete and secure, and the relationship will be destined for failure or toxicity… we will be ever-searching for the one.

‘Tis better not to consume a banana at all, than to consume a green banana.

In a world of emotional oppression and suppression; music, dance, and poetry allow us to emote shamelessly. Within this context, the common view of emotion is transformed from weak to necessary.

As I've grown and matured, I've had to reckon that the phrases "talk is cheap" and "actions speak louder than words" have rang true throughout my life. I was painfully stubborn in my counter-beliefs. Though I’m still working on it, it's a bit liberating to be able to simply accept that there is no need trouble yourself speculating; kindly let go of what/who doesn't serve you. With proper balance, this isn't a disloyalty or selfishness; it is integrity, respect, compassion, and love for yourself... and that is a priority.

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” - Yoda, from that one movie with the wookie. ;)

Practice mindfulness of procrastination. Notice that extra thing you will need to do at some point, and can do right now, even if it’s slightly inconvenient or boring. Talk to yourself inside of your mind. Say, "Don't be lazy!" to yourself. You will be making life easier on your future self, and that makes a bigger difference that you can fathom in the present. You biggest assistant is yourself.

So you have to get to KNOW what you need, ASK questions and feel it out, and TRUST your instincts if it doesn't feel right. The same applies to ANY type of relationship. Make an initial gamble, and determine whether you need to cut a loss to prevent a larger bad investment. Try again.

Remember that everything in life is temporary; so if you're in an environment or relationship that you're not compatible with, strive to be patient and take the actions needed to progress toward a compatible situation.

Instead of limiting the term “partner” to same-sex couples; I believe in referring to a significant other as a partner (rather than a bf/gf/husband/wife). I think it’s a more respectful and accurate representation of what a relationship should accomplish. It places equal responsibility on both individuals.

Regardless of appearances, no one has ever been successful entirely on their own. NO ONE. So pursue your goals tenaciously, and aspire for community to make your dreams come true.

Never spend too much time trying to match your socks… The time in the day is finite, use it wisely.