#inner child

But real talk it's smthn that's been lowk difficult to grapple with. I've been taught that complaining and negativity is annoying, and disagreeing or saying no is rude. Chronic people pleasing, needs to be liked by everyone, says she's 'just not into politics', social anxiety leaves her shaking like an old chihuahua- the classic.

So in essence, I'm trying to embrace that inner bitch, and teach her that its okay to bitch politely, to stand her ground, not just roll over and agree, and to only say things if she means it. That she can establish boundaries and that she is allowed to scream and yell and cry and be upset. And that its okay if people don't like her back because of it.

So this blog is my clumsy way of experimenting with this whole concept. Like many in my generation, it seems, at this point in my life I guess I'm having my mid-20s early gen z identity crisis. The little girl who was raised in religion and conservative boomer tradition is now facing a tumultuous world that has shown time and again that the cake is a lie, and basically every single thing is a made up concept that we follow simply to maintain a system designed to crush the majority for the betterment of the few. She put on a mask because cranky old boomers told her that her personality would never get her a job or a good life, and now my inner child is just so angry they made her afraid to be herself.

And now I'm torn between taking off that trauma mask, which has literally who I've tried to be my whole life, and figuring out what actually is me underneath. And to start, I've begun as mildly as I can - attempting to shout my dumbass opinions and thoughts into the eternal void of the Internet via this blog. It's a small start, esp as I'm hoping to keep it mostly anonymous (still too scared of judgement from fam and friends), but I usually end up too afraid to post my thoughts or art and delete my account, so just having this blog and keeping it active is a big, stressful step for me.