#self preservation

“Loving your enemies” is a dangerous concept to teach to our people and children 👶🏽

We tried that and it did not work❌ 💔👇🏾

Somewhere along the way, we turned self-care into a destination.

A spa day.

A vacation.

A weekend off.

A reward after we’ve exhausted ourselves trying to be everything for everyone else.

I don’t think that’s what we’re actually searching for.

I think we’re searching for self-preservation.

They’re not the same.

Self-preservation comes first.

It isn’t an event. It isn’t something you schedule when life finally slows down.

It’s a way of living.

It’s the way you nourish your body because your body deserves fuel.

It’s the way you rest because your mind wasn’t designed to run without recovery.

It’s the way you move because your body was made for movement.

It’s the way you speak because your voice deserves to exist in the spaces you occupy.

It’s the way you protect your peace because your life has value.

It’s the way you remain curious enough to try something new, allowing your imagination to stay alive.

It’s the way you rediscover joy as you continue growing in this vessel you’ve been entrusted with.

Even my home reflects this philosophy.

I don’t decorate my environment.

I curate it.

Every room, every object, every routine should contribute to the kind of person I’m becoming. Our environments are constantly shaping us, whether we notice it or not. I’d rather shape mine with intention.

None of this is luxury.

It’s maintenance.

It’s stewardship.

It’s the foundation that allows us to continue creating, building, loving, and serving.

The moment taking care of yourself becomes optional, you’ve already abandoned the foundation.

You’ve already begun abandoning yourself.

The goal isn’t to become better at practicing self-care.

The goal is to build a life where preserving yourself becomes as natural as breathing.

Not something you earn.

Not something you reward yourself with.

Not something you remember after you’ve given every last piece of yourself away.

It becomes your way of life.

The quiet, daily discipline of protecting the person you’re becoming.

Because the worlds we create will never be healthier than the person creating them.

Self-preservation is the first act of creation.

Lord, please give me a sign that what I am doing right now is right. Make me understand that I need to trust You and trust the process.

But I am not sure if I can trust you fully.

I am scared that being too close might lead to disappointment.

You are a nice person.

It’s a breathe of fresh air to talk to someone.

I guess it’s been a while since I talked to someone with different perspective. It’s been a while since I have that kind of conversation, light and easy to digest.

You might be the same person as anybody else but I don’t want to judge you.

You help me survive those days when I wanted to cry and give up. Thank you for just existing. Thank you for being present and allowing me to have a hearty laugh, for letting me be myself.

It was a good run, though. There are questions left unanswered.

I need to step back so I can move forward. I am still having second thoughts on deleting those messages because I want to keep the good memories even though some of it are just for your show. I will understand even if it’s hard because I know that somewhere along the way, it will come back to you a hundred folds- the pain, betrayal, agony and sleepless nights.

I know it will get better.

And if one day, our paths will cross. I hope I am well enough to say hi, to have that genuine smile.