Aged & Happy

letter from a mother of a gay man. sent to ONE magazine, 1958.

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The reblog chain is one of the things that makes Tumblr unlike anywhere else. All the notes on reblogs are attributed to the original post, no matter which branch people actually liked or reblogged. We want to keep encouraging conversations, and give contributors the recognition they deserve. 

Soon, you'll be able to like, reblog, or reply to any part of a reblog chain, and that note will go to that reblog's author. Each reblog will have its own counts, instead of one aggregated number from every version of the post. And yes, you’ll be able to like multiple posts in one chain.

If a reblog doesn't add anything, the love flows up to the last person in the chain who did. Your post doesn't lose notes just because people spread it quietly.

Past notes will stay on the original post — we're only changing what happens from here on out. Retroactively re-attributing all of them would be... a lot.

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Your creativity has always been the heart of Tumblr, whether you’re the original poster or adding something brilliant in the reblogs, and nothing about this change is meant to limit that.

context: grew up in an abusive, controlling home, escaped to uni, had a prolonged mental breakdown, became a teacher and worked in a dysfunctional school with amazing kids and nightmare management for years. I did not realise I have adhd and autism for a long time. (You might even be able to scroll back through this blog to find the time around which I did realise lol.)

ANYWAY, things that have helped me because my body can no longer handle any kind of stress without flaring up:

If you’re doing anything that requires you to do a lot of prep before you begin the actual thing (e.g. cooking, deep cleaning a room, moving house), mise en place. That’s a fancy french way of saying get everything ready before you begin. So if I’m cooking idk spaghetti carbonara, that means fry and chop the bacon, separate the egg yolks from the whites, put water in the kettle, put dry spaghetti into a pan. Once everything’s ready, it reduces the mental load and means I can focus on the actual cooking and any clean up that I can do along the way. H/t to @ms-demeanor for this, you changed my life!

the Might As Well rule. This one works really well for me but you gotta be careful otherwise you’ll get sucked into the Vortex. Basically, let’s imagine you’re in the bathroom, brushing your teeth. You notice that the extra roll of toilet paper has been used. instead of thinking, “I’ll get to that later”, and then forgetting about it until you sit down on the bog (no judgement, we’ve all been there), you think “Might As Well put an extra roll while I’m here!” This tends to help with the little tasks that build up over time. This Does Not Work for big tasks.

Leading on from no.2, Do It Immediately/ASAP really helps me too. My current boss will email me on a Friday and say, ‘don’t reply to this now! Leave it til monday!’ But she and i both know that if i leave it til monday, I will forget and get stressed and this will make me Very Ill. So, instead, the moment i receive the email, I’ll either schedule in replying to it as soon as I’m done with my current thing, OR I’ll reply to it immediately.

Anything that can’t be actioned immediately, i mark as Unread. Anything Unread in my inbox is a future action, and i check those Unread emails/texts/whatevers Every. Day. To make sure whether today is the day i have the info to action it. (This also means i have to stay on top of my inbox. I read all my emails and then mark them accordingly. I’m also brutal with unsubscribing)

The House Always Wins. Both in a literal sense, because i am in a constant battle with keeping my house clean, and i know now that I’ll never get it as clean as i want it. It’s impossible, i no longer have the energy or stamina to vacuum and scrub everything. But also just in a life sense. I’m never going to achieve things to perfection, and perfect is the opposite of done. And getting things done is that much more important when you have limited energy and strength. Accept that you often have to half-arse life in order to Full-Arse the few things that really matter to you.

Have multiples of everything, everywhere. I wear support gloves, so i need to have handcream at every sink and everywhere i sit down in the house. I try to keep it unobtrusive, but it means i don’t have to trek upstairs just to moisturise my hands. Gum, phone chargers, pens and pencils, water bottles, hand sanitizer, whatever you need.

Work with people, even if it’s online. Body doubling actually works. Also I’ve found that if I’m working on assignments, taking myself to a library or study area that isn’t my bedroom helps so much.

Show off! Tell people on here or elsewhere in your life about the fact that you’ve just written 100 words! Or that you’ve cleaned the fridge and that’s a really big deal for you. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.

Basically, you’re aiming to reduce the mental load as much as possible. Wear the same types of clothes all the time to minimise the amount of laundry. Eat the same three lunches so decision fatigue doesn’t take over.

For anybody looking for resources from someone dealing with actual ADHD, I have an incomplete but ever growing list of ADHD tips, tools, and suggestions on my website.

A lot of the pages on that site are adapted from my tumblr posts, for instance I'm adapting this post about car repair projects with ADHD into a guide on project management and completion with ADHD.

Working in an office:

I have a general list of the things I must get done each day and it does not change. It looks something like this:

- clock in

- log into required programs

- sort emails

- reply to texts

- etc.

This list is organized in order of priority in which I need to complete steps each day. It’s as general as possible so that I don’t have to modify it each day AND it stays short. I also start the list with a couple really easy steps that I must do each day so that I begin with a sense of accomplishment right out of the gate.

Even though I organized my list by general priority, sometimes the order I do the steps in changes to flex with my day AND my level of executive function. Sure, I should answer all my emails soon, but if I have 20 emails that may feel really daunting, so I’ll skip to another list item that may have a very small amount of work required that day. It doesn’t reduce the emails, but it feeds that sense of accomplishment & keeps me moving so I don’t lose momentum. The important thing is that I’m making progress & seeing work be completed.

I have also worked to cut as much duplicate communication from my life as possible. For example, if the most efficient way to communicate with my boss is by email, then I don’t want a text telling me to check my email, because then that’s an extra step and more things for me to monitor & reply to. Or if my coworker assigns me a task in our client management system & I am notified in the system, they don’t need to email me to let me know. The less steps I have to complete to do a task, the better.

Scheduling replies is a HUGE help, but even more important are TEMPLATES. It’s a lot quicker & less stressful to reply to an email when it’s basically already written for you & all you need to do is add a name or date. Same with sending texts, letters, filing documents, etc.

I ensure my space is as comfortable & convenient as possible. I keep a fan, my phone charger, multiple pairs of headphones, chapstick, lotion, advil, snacks, etc all in my desk. If I have to sit here for several hours a day, I want to be as comfortable as possible so I’m not distracted from work by dry hands or a headache, etc.

Additionally, I’ve worked to schedule time into my week that is for “do not disturb” time. This is time specifically set aside for me to work on tasks that require uninterrupted focus. It’s clearly communicated to my coworkers that they are not to disturb me during this time so that I can get work done. Sometimes I need silence, but often I prefer to put on music while I work (thus the multiple pairs of headphones) and I’ll blast upbeat music while I power through tasks.

At Home:

“Some is better than none” is a really big one for me. Don’t have the energy to do all the dishes? How about just the big ones? Can’t clean my whole room? What if I just make my bed? Sometimes once I’m doing the task I find the motivation to do other tasks, but even if I don’t, at least that little bit is done.

Multi-tasking on things is also a big one, especially if I can pair a fun activity with a boring one. I listen to podcasts while I do dishes, watch tv while I fold laundry, etc.

I also find that if I have any motivation at all to do a task, I need to do it right now. Am I watching a show where the characters are doing laundry & now I’m thinking about doing laundry? Ok, then I need to get up & go do laundry RIGHT NOW. Don’t wait, just act. Maximize that motivation.

Also, I refuse to guilt myself for hacking my life. I find the sticking point for a task & try to find a way to resolve it so I’m more likely to do the task. I want to cook more but I hate dishes? What can I do to reduce the dishes? How about one pot meals? Or hey, what about using disposable pans or paper plates? It might not be the most environmentally friendly long term, but it saves me from eating out every night.

Or I hate sleeping on “dirty” sheets but I don’t have the energy to do a whole wash cycle every weekend, so I keep multiple sets of sheets. As soon as one sheet comes off, I put a clean one on. This way, even if the dirty sheet doesn’t get washed today, I can still sleep in a clean bed tonight.

I find “reasons” to do chores that will motivate me without making me feel overwhelmed. I’ll invite over a friend that I know won’t judge the mess. This motivates me to clean without feeling overwhelmed about needing things to be perfect.