I Think Dogs Should Vote

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

Who else moans when they eat the subway cookie

boobs should have a toggle on/off feature

"hogwash" still one of the best words ever. this shit is so unbelievable its pig water

I feel like a horse with no name is probably the best song in the world. Not even my Favorite song just the best

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

Why do all minotaurs in media have nipple rings. Who's piercing their nipples. and How do I qualify for this job.

I feed my white son clear broth

In your 20s, you'll feel like you're losing the race. It's important to understand that there is no race.

This would be a place of worship if I bought it

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.