This is me!

saw a comment that misspelled “kind gesture” as “kind jester” and am now imagining a beautiful world where we praise good samaritans by calling them kind jesters. good on you, you gentle fool. you’ve made the world a sweeter and sillier place.

Yesterday, I was at dinner with some friends and briefly forgot Harrison Ford’s name, but I was like, “His name is a president and a car,” which is how we got such acceptable alternatives as McKinley Camry, Van Buren Gremlin, Clinton Infinity, and Range Rover Cleveland.

Lincoln Lincoln

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

genuinely I'm so sick of people wanting all fiction to be ethical. can we all just get a little gross with it. the point of fiction is that it's not real. we can be unethical in fiction; same goes with being perverted with fiction, being unrealistic with fiction, and being grotesque with fiction. not all fiction has to be ethical, not every character has to be ethical, and that's okay. can we stop with the puritanism. be gross. be unrealistic. be whatever. if I don't like it it's not my business as long as we're all clear that its fictional.

the best death note joke format will forever be L asking light a simple question in which logical answer A might increase the likelihood of light being kira and logical answer B similarly might increase the likelihood of light being kira and after a short internal struggle light comes up with answer Y, which no human being has ever thought of as being a normal response in all of living history

the "what are your pronouns" comic is my fave example.

I'll never forget that one edit someone did of Death Note where they just muted all the internal dialog so there was just insanely long pauses before any questions were answered

Friend of mine calls it active listening. Ah yes we are speaking of tooths. I understand and respond. Here it a tooth image. I have heard you.

it's warm so I've been doing this activity called sitting in front of a fan

war with the overly zealous sun

absolute GGILF material

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

Gets abducted by aliens and put in a zoo and slowly figures out how their language works and starts writing swear words on the glass when the alien children walk by

The aliens are like wait you can write and I’m like yeah I can talk too and they’re like why didn’t you say something sooner and I’m like well I figured you wouldn’t let me go since you’re clearly willing to kidnap a sapient being so I’m just taking revenge by making your toddlers more annoying

The aliens are like we didn’t know humans were sapient and I’m like did you miss all of that human civilization literally everywhere and they’re like what and I’m like look at the planet at night and they’re like holy fuck those lights are people we’ve been trapping and releasing people and meanwhile I’ve returned to writing swear words on the glass with my little alien sharpie

I glare at you from across the enclosure for ruining my alienthropology research by making them aware of being observed

Ignores you and keeps teaching a child that speaks alien sign language all the rude words for alien genitalia through the glass

Continues to glare with a twitching lip because that’s actually really funny