they should invent a secret second weekend so that you can see friends and do fun things while still having enough time to do errands and sleep in without dying of exhaustion all the time

do not start gambling. go outside and locate a bug. now post it on inaturalist. bam. nature's gacha game

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

they are poisoning us today with a thursday poison little do they know we’ve been through a few thursday poisonings so it won’t kill us just yet

“we need more weird queers!” you guys can barely handle a hairy woman

and frankly? some of you struggle with hairy men.

Fuuuck I just loss 20000 dollars in adverisement revenue and potential sales when that guy over there didn’t look at my flyer because he was talking to the girl he was walking with. The sensible option here is to ban talking while walking since it’s literally theft.

the morbius jokes got stale fast but sony misunderstanding them and rereleasing the movie only to cause it to lose even more money was an all timer moment. we couldnt recreate that situation if we tried

People are unfazed if you hate women but if you dislike dogs they assume you're a bad person

‘Nuclear Family Month’ is so funny as a concept. I have never seen a nuclear family worth celebrating.

“touch of the ‘tism” = punishable offense

Lestat tiny desk concert

Lestat celebrity Traitors. Lestat the Masked Singer.

“be gay do crime! but sex is yucky and crime is wrong!” ass website