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i love the “hollanov has a crush on carter vaughn” take not necessarily in a “i think they would invite him to watch” way but more in a “ilya would accidentally let it slip while chirping at shane to fluster him that vaughn is at the top of their ‘would’ list and vaughn is a little thrown off and straight so he’s like “are you guys asking?” and ilya laughs and pats his shoulder and assures him “absolutely not, i do not share my shane, we just think you are good looking man, i like that you are pretty and fun and my shane likes that you are serious about hockey and have good grooming habits. is not serious, do not worry vaughny we will not be asking you to witness me and my beautiful husband ever” and vaughn low key is overjoyed about it, his teammates who are around and hear the exchange are sometimes like “that doesnt bother you? you dont find that a bit weird?” but vaugh genuinely is just like “rozanov just called me pretty and fun enough to hang out with and hollander thinks im good at hockey and clean enough for him, you could hand me a nobel peace prize and it wouldnt come close to this achievement” and eventually it gets out to the general public so vaughn is captioning his instagram posts shit like “#1 contender for being the hockey husbands third goes fishing” despite shanes mortification about this getting out and vaughns clear delight with it” way
carter vaughn laying on his stomach near the center of the ice on the admirals side kicking his feet and holding his head in his hands while he blows kisses to hollanov during warmups.
shane is horrifically embarrassed by this and can not meet vaughns eyes or even his body, he refuses to look at him period.
ilya laughed for damn near 5 minutes and was doubled over coughing at one point fully crying, he is delighted by this and once hes through his warmups that shane wont let him skip he skates to center ice and does the exact same thing, kicking his feet in the air, blowing kisses, little finger waves, winking at vaughn. they dont say a word the whole time they just do these actions like flirting cartoon characters stuck on loop.
the centaurs are also delighted by this, despite the knowledge that vaughn is at the top of the couples “would” list this is the incident that earns vaughnny the nickname “boyfriend” among the team. they’re playing new york? will you guys be seeing your boyfriend? new york lost the game last night? hows your boyfriend taking it? someones family member is taking a trip to new york city? hey can you guys text your boyfriend and ask for recommendations for places to eat?
the admirals give vaughn as many opportunities to drag this bit up as possible because they find it hilarious, with the exception of scott who regards this whole thing like a curse cast upon him that will last long after his death. media days are the worst for scott especially because ever since the media learn about this stupid joke they’ll get questions about it. scott any comments on the rumors that your alternative captain carter vaughn is getting between the marriage of shane hollander and ilya rozanov? he is not, vaughn does not like men. scott is there any expected tension between the admirals and the centaurs at your game next week because of carter vaughns public flirting with the couple? should the media be expecting a fight between your alternate captain and the hockey husbands? i personally dont think you should be expecting a fight if he’s flirting with both of them, but this might become a thing for hollander and rozanov and i think vaughn wouldnt mind egging it on. scott do you think your co captain has a chance of entering a relationship with shane hollander and ilya rozanov and if so how would this effect the team dynamics within the admirals? i dont think vaughnny could handle all that even if he did like men.
carter vaughn starts getting chirped at about it, if its in a homophobic way he’ll note down the name and ask for a placement from hollander and roz, and the next game he plays against that player when they inevitably bring it up again he’ll look them dead in the eyes, give them their ranking, and why hollanov wouldnt touch them with a hazmat suit on. its his second favorite thing to do, and ilya is a strong fan of this game too. this gets added to the list of reasons why vaughn is hollanovs #1 choice because ilya enjoys it so much, and privately shane delights in someone else delivering his genuine thoughts on bad hockey players with awful habits so he doesnt have to be the one to say it.
i believe that one of the penalties shane gets a lot is unsportsmanlike conduct. in the nhl, this penalty can be issued for players who argue or challenge the refs calls. now, captains are allowed to discuss a call and rule interpretations with a ref, but you gotta be cordial.
shane “hockeytism” hollander HATES when a ref makes a bad call. this is literally your job and youre fucking it up?? that was not slashing are you blind?? he gets heated about this, even when he’s just watching a random game. he’s shouting and cursing and making a well-informed case for why the ref is wrong.
hockey refs are notoriously bad so i guarantee shane gets into it a lot. i do think he knows when to quit so he doesnt get an unnecessary penalty but sometimes the call is so bad he cant help but be furious. his teammates have had to physically restrain him on the bench multiple times so he didnt hop the boards and scream at them.
I love the idea of Shane’s chirps just being observations.
It started when he was a kid and he was trying to help everyone get better at hockey including the opposing teams players, he would say something like “your stick grip is weak” or “you’re slow on your right” (idk i don’t know hockey very well ESPECIALLY little kid hockey) but he says it totally deadpan because little Shanebug doesn’t understand tone yet.
This makes the other teams so mad! They try and fight him constantly! Little bitty baby hockey fights and then Yuna sits him down in middle school after the first fight that he actually gets hurt (black eye and bloody lip) and asks him what he is saying to make everyone fight him?
“Nothing mean I swear mom!!! I’m trying to be nice and help correct their form”
And suddenly Yuna gets it and explains to Shane that not everyone but especially not the opposing team likes to have their flaws pointed out to them even if it’s coming from a good place and how that could be seen as chirping.
So he stops for a while, then his coach for world juniors tells him to try and piss off Rozanov enough that they can draw a penalty. So Shane does what he does best and points out a flaw at each face off. Jokes on him though because Ilya is actively changing those things and getting better every face off because he is taking it for what it is, advice.
Which pisses Shane off, he thinks his chirping tactic won’t work now that he is older. So he points out at his first scrimmage at practice in Montreal that the center who has been there for years (who he is probably replacing) is favoring his left side is staying too far left to compensate (again I don’t know hockey so I am trying to translate things I know about soccer lol)
And the center loses it on him! Immediately yelling about the lack of respect and how a rookie makes it to the MLH and thinks they are hot shit.
So Shane realizes his chirping DOES work just not on rozanov and becomes a menace he studies game tape specifically to find holes in his opponents game and pre prepares chirps and it fucking works because all these men are so far up their own asses that they just get mad instead of using the advice.
Idk I just needed Shane Chirping but in a very Shane way. Like he really just wants to play hockey but chirping is part of hockey so he studies chirping but doesn’t want to do any of the “classic” chirps (your mom! Your wife! Your girlfriend! You’re gay! Type of stuff) so he invents his own chirps out of his amazing mind
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i’ll never get over shane finally being brave enough to try dick for the first time and then thinking he was about to get left with nothing but blue balls an identity crisis and 12 tabs of “muscular russian top” open on pornhub
a selection of photos taken by other people from their first year of marriage:
towards the end of their wedding reception, sun setting, looking rumpled and tired, Ilya kissing Shane's palm while Shane is very seriously talking to Scott Hunter
the two of them with a fan, taken at the dog park, Ilya holding Anya and Shane with one arm around his husband's shoulder and the other trying to prevent Anya from licking the fan's face
Shane Hollander sitting on the Centaurs bench with blood on his face, mouth wide open, Ilya Rozanov gripping his chin and glaring at the gap where Shane's bottom canine used to be
Ilya Rozanov with his fist in the air after a goal, a smear of red in the corner of his mouth
sitting next to each other at team tape review, heads bent together, Ilya's hand on Shane's thigh, Shane's hands sketching out a play in the air
Ilya Rozanov leaning against his car in the airport arrivals line, a coffee in one hand and a forest-green smoothie in the other
Shane Hollander giving his husband the middle finger after losing the shot accuracy competition at ASG by half a second
piggyback racing across the yard with a Pike twin each clinging to their necks
Ilya Rozanov, outraged, with a face full of snow, as his husband doubles over with laughter
wearing identical blank expressions the seventeenth time a journalist asks about their "off-ice chemistry"
Shane Hollander throwing his head back and cackling in a booth at a random dive bar in a random city, Ilya Rozanov grinning into his drink
asleep on the team bus after game 5 of the conference finals, Ilya curled into Shane's shoulder
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I don't want to fight you on your Hayden opinion (bc i do think all of what you've said made sense! Re them behaving like hissy cats for understandable reasons) just offering the book perspective since that where ig a lot of ppls Hayden opinions come from. My Dinner With Hayden is like ...so so bad to me. This man literally tries to physically fight Ilya in his own home for the crime of being bisexual. Additionally during tlg he like actually believes that Ilya fakes being attracted to men, tanked his career and accepted never being able to go this his birth country again just to ruin Shane's career. Like idk the dynamic you're describing for them totally makes sense at the beginning of the relationship reveal but it just never gets better in canon and takes on comical dimensions. Yeah Ilya is poking him but Hayden is going nuclear every chance he gets. (Not helped by the fact that imho opinions Hayden isn't exactly depicted as being an actual good friend to Shane in any other meaningful way)
i know i' venturing into things i shouldn't in responding, but like. i feel like you're reading it with a VERY decided opinion that's coloring your impression (and that's human and understandable. like it's not a hit. it just kind of sounds like you're still putting a lot of blame on hayden in the dynamic that i don't necessarily think he deserves). like in my dinner with hayden:
opening scene: ilya opens the door instead of waiting for shane specifically because he knows hayden isn't going to like it. his opening move here is needling hayden because he thinks it'll be funny.
hayden says something and gets called on it by shane, and then ilya immediately goes for another chirp. when this is already not going well. (because he is ALSO going into this with a decided opinion in thinking shane's friend sucks. hayden is acting out based on his current opinion of ilya, but so is. ilya.)
DIRECTLY saying something to fuck with hayden again, and hayden actually doesn't say anything back! he's visibly annoyed, but he just drinks his wine. (and in this, i do not think hayden's response is homophobic because he doesn't like the idea of two guys fucking. i'm going to be honest: if i already don't like someone my friend is dating (AND HE KNOWS THIS), and then he winks at me and makes a comment about their sex life?? not exactly improving my opinion)
ilya literally picking where to sit based on where it's going to be more annoying to hayden as a reminder of him and shane being together.
and here we have hayden just chilling because he's not reacting to anything. yeah, he has his mouth full so he couldn't say anything, but he doesn't make a face or roll his eyes or indicate that he's bothered by ilya saying he's going to go help shane. ilya isn't deliberately poking at him, so hayden doesn't react.
yeah, rude to think someone fucked with your food when they're hosting you in your home...but also...kind of get it a little bit.
and again, ilya prodding at hayden again to be annoying. if they had a relationship with each other, this would be a fun chirp and they could understand it's a joke, but they don't have that relationship. hayden doesn't like or trust ilya, and ilya has spent basically every interaction this whole night so far specifically trying to get on hayden's nerves.
AGAIN: ilya being the one to start the fight. hayden went for the throat with "what does shane see in you," but *ilya* started this in the first place. because he and hayden have BOTH decided "i don't like you" from the very start here, and hayden might not be extending an olive branch, but ilya is also the one instigating a lot of the conflicts here.
this is immediately following the screenshot above: again! rude! telling someone when they're next to their spouse, "you don't like me because you're jealous and wish you were dating my boyfriend" is rude to that person AND their partner. also, i love hayden for pausing here and telling shane he loves him. the immediate and absolute no COULD be insulting, but even when he's mad here, hayden stops himself to make sure he's not insulting shane here. yeah it's a little straight bro to go, "i love you, but just in a friend way," but ilya is the one who just said here that he has a crush on shane. (which, i know that's a debate in fandom. i won't get into whether it's accurate or not.) hayden doesn't like ilya and is fighting with him here, but even while mad, he pauses to make sure shane knows they're good and he loves him.
yeah, "He's full of surprises," is kind of shitty. not going to defend that. and we see that shane doesn't like it, but i'm going to give hayden like 0.2% credit with the understanding that my guy is NOT having a good night. yeah he's mad he's here having to have dinner with someone he doesn't like who's been spatting with him all night. that doesn't mean it's okay for him to get snippy with shane, but i also just think that's incredibly human.
and again: ilya directly instigating.
and ilya has his comment here (and i get it), but hayden takes the effort to go, "i don't care that you like men. that's not why i don't like him. i don't like him because he's an asshole."
and we the audience know ilya is SO good to shane! *we* know that! we know that ilya is causing problems on purpose and isn't normally like this in private.
but hayden doesn't know that.
hayden knows ilya rozanov on the ice who runs his mouth and acts like a douche, and then he got to this dinner, and so far ilya has done nothing but prove him right. like hayden absolutely came in with a pre-formed opinion, but ilya has done NOTHING to change his mind all night. he has ONLY made it worse. and he's known it! he's known he was provoking hayden every single time he's done it!
this could have been a PERFECT chance for ilya to actually answer honestly and maybe even give hayden something to actually like him for. he even could have been snarky about it, but going, "I moved to be closer to shane" could have gone a long way in showing hayden that he values shane and isn't just doing this on a whim (which is what hayden clearly thinks based on the anaheim comment).
and what does ilya choose instead? insult.
also! hayden atp has had literally *one week* to adjust to this and try to understand, "oh, i thought my best friend HATED this guy's guts for years and years, and i thought this because my best friend never corrected anyone else saying it and also agreed when anyone said it and even said things on his own implying that he HATES this guy. and. now they're suddenly dating out of seemingly nowhere. and i've got one week to try and make this make sense to me and then i've got to be face to face with this guy who i have ONLY known as an asshole for years."
and we see ilya's reasoning. he doesn't want to have to explain to anyone why he and shane like each other. and i understand that.
...but also: i think it's important to try to get along with someone's friends when you're dating them. i think ilya is moving from a place of being defensive (and again! i get it! i'm not saying ilya is bad or wrong for this!), but literally the ONLY thing hayden has seen from you before is being an asshole, and you haven't really done anything tonight to change his mind on that. you've made a comment about your sex life, taken every shot you could get, and also in front of hayden's wife suggested that the reason he doesn't like you is that he wants shane for himself. none of this is going to make someone even not actively dislike you, bud, let alone like you and understand why your friend wants to be with you.
i'm going to throw it out there: i understand why hayden is asking this, and i think the fact that he asks at all shows that he is a good friend. he cares about shane. he and shane have been best friends for years. his kids call him uncle shane. he is invested and involved with shane's life (as far as shane lets him), and he is worried about his friend getting hurt here. of course he is. he knows that ilya rozanov is an asshole, that he and shane have supposedly hated each other for years, and now they're dating. why would you suddenly be doing that, infamous womanizer ilya rozanov?
and again: WE know ilya isn't his reputation. WE know he loves shane SO much and is such a good partner.
hayden doesn't know that! he's had one week of knowing that shane doesn't actively hate his guts!!
and sure, you could say this isn't hayden's business or he's treating shane like he can't look out for himself, but??? people don't always think clearly in relationships. i don't think it's wild for hayden to worry that shane is being tricked here so rozanov can hurt him. or that rozanov is only interested in the forbidden thrill part and doesn't actually care about shane as a person.
doubting ilya's sexuality? yeah. that's not great. not a great move, hayden. that's shitty.
but also: shane has also worried about this. this isn't just a hayden thing. hayden is more aggro about it because he and ilya have been on each other's nerves all night, but shane has ALSO worried that ilya will ultimately end up with a woman and not him. but it's okay for shane to be worried about it but not for hayden to be worried about on shane's behalf?
and listen, i'm bisexual. bi erasure is real and so are stereotypes about bi people. doubting someone's sexuality isn't cool, but the issue here is, "i know you have a reputation for sleeping around with every woman you cross paths with, and now you're dating my friend. how do i know your reputation won't continue and end up hurting my friend?"
should hayden have gotten physical? no. absolutely not. that's not okay and it's not cool. yeah he's wound up and frustrated and has spent this whole night with ilya fucking with him at every opportunity because ilya ALSO went into this going, "i don't like you and don't want this to be happening," but hayden is the one who got physical, and that's not okay.
but they're also athletes in a sport that NOTORIOUSLY ends things with violence. is it okay for hayden to default to that now? no. but they're also pro athletes in a fight-y sport. i don't think it's surprising.
again: good friend hayden! you could argue he's making it about himself saying that this hurt his feelings after shane just expressed how scared and lonely he's felt keeping this secret, but i think hayden is just being honest here. he would have supported shane! shane didn't have to carry it alone! hayden would have helped him carry that! he would have still loved him! shane didn't have to be scared of telling *him*!
but shane didn't. and he had his reasons, and no one is owed coming out ever, but feelings are feelings, and hayden is being honest here. "i'm upset because i don't like that you felt lonely and scared and i couldn't support you because you didn't tell me." that's hayden being honest in a way that honestly i think is fairly healthy. it's not that hayden was owed shane coming out to him, but it's hayden going, "you hurt when you didn't need to, and it hurts me that i couldn't help you."
again! more honesty! hayden is having a hard time because he's having to completely rewrite his worldview about this. it's a BIG shift, and he's had a week to do it.
and!! he apologizes!!! he apologizes for making this all not go well. (EVEN THOUGH AGAIN: NOT ALONE IN THAT. ILYA HAS BEEN AN ACTIVE AGGRESSOR HERE FROM THE MOMENT THAT DOOR OPENED. I'M NOT SAYING I'M LETTING HAYDEN OFF THE HOOK FOR NOT BEING THE BIGGER PERSON, BUT HE'S LITERALLY HAD SOMEONE CHOOSING TO GET ON HIS NERVES AT EVERY SINGLE CHANCE ALL NIGHT.)
and: *HAYDEN* is the one to offer an olive branch!! it's clumsy, but even after an entire night of them provoking each other, hayden is the one who extends a truce offer.
tl;dr: you're allowed to think whatever you want, but i think you're going into this not liking hayden (which is fine! you're allowed!), and it's heavily coloring how you're reading things.
prithee, do not marry lady svetlana. do not. i know that such an arrangement would not bear the fruits of love or other similar outcomes. but do not. we shall dream up a better future, the two of us... together.
wilt thou retreat with me to mine cottage this solstice? do not away to russia. come to my dwelling. we shall divert ourselves so greatly, and without fear of others' judgment. no one shalt know. we might have a week or even a fortnight...
ilya trying to show david hollander a meme on his phone, david having to physically take the phone to hold it 2 feet from his face looking at it over his glasses, staring at it for 15 solid seconds reading it aloud under his breath, and then politely asking ilya “you know this person?”
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ilya making a beeline for shane during a team hangout and sees shane at the sofa with a few other boys. he comes over and shane sees him and switches the ginger ale to the other hand before holding his arms out for ilya to sit in his lap. ilya sits down and he kisses ilya’s shoulder gently while maintaining the conversation with others.
ilya joins in too but his heart is also racing because their intimacy is so casual now and shane is comfortable enough to hold him and kiss him in front of the team and he’s so happy and he never would’ve thought he could have this.
If staff reformed the ban system to stop banning trans women and used the resulting good will to re-introduce pornography, this site would become a juggernaut. It would swallow Twitter whole.
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