i‘m the one that you love & the one who loves you

after they got married, shane and ilya decided they needed to do new things together. pick up some hobbies outside of hockey so they could actually spend time together away from the rink and forget about work. which was a great, in theory, except it turns out they literally cannot do any sport or anything that even slightly involves competition cus they turn absolutely everything into a battle. like they tried tennis and suddenly it’s the finals of wimbledon. they tried bowling and it’s life or death. they tried golf and ilya is accusing shane of cheating while shane is accusing ilya of distracting him on purpose. even painting they somehow turned into an argument about who piece would it be more expensive. things got so bad that most places have actually banned them by now. they have a reputation around ottawa. and new places get warnings about them before they even walk in. but they’re having way more fun trying all these new things than they ever would have just picking one and sticking to it. in the end the whole point was spending time together and they’re doing in their own way

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

unmute for the unfathomable sounds of mankind being shamed

capitalist polycule

this is what people mean when they talk about unethical polyamory

I hate when king arthur has all these fussy little steps in the instructions and you're like "no way do these fussy little steps matter" but you try it and they do. they matter so much.

I thought you meant Camelot quests and I was like "that's fair, 'never pick a four leaf clover on the last Wednesday of the month' IS a fussy little step that shouldn't matter" but then I was like "wait isn't that also a flour company"

nooo I am not a beleaguered knight of the round table I am making elaborate focaccia 😭

I like to imagine that, partially due to the Hockey Robot stereotyping and partially due to his watertight media training, commentators are constantly going on about "What's going on in Hollander's head? What was Hollander thinking there? Can't help but wonder what the Metros' Captain has on his mind right now." and it's like. Well statistically speaking. Cock.

being on an airplane is a lot like being in kindergarten

I wanna hear where you're going with this

OP do you still have the original image. Would you be willing to share it.