not in my movie

also something so delicious about a boy (ilya) who can get pretty much whatever he wants, except for in a way that truly matters. like okay he can fuck whoever he'd like and he can make lots of money and make people laugh. and he still always goes back to russia again and he spends his days helping his shitty family and he trains really hard for whatever he gets and he makes what is mostly fair-weather friends. and the one thing that he really, really wants, which is shane, he could never dare try to get. even though maybe he could have him if he did, but it doesn't matter. that's not his life (until one day it is!!!!!! metamorphic)

just ok for real. i'm struck by how they start out in this big world as two kids who kind of have each other's backs. or who go through such a life-changing thing at the same time that no one else can really understand. and i don't know if they know how similar they are, but they are and it's so crazy to me!! like shane having to represent other asian kids, and ilya having to represent his whole country. both of them having to be in advertisements and having to deal with the media narrative of them (and the way it's sort of spun out of their control and the way it both flattens and stereotypes them). shane having a complicated family dynamic where love and work and money kind of co-exists and where he's the golden child and where it's hard to be angry. and ilya also having to manage his family and money and work and what it means to provide for them. duty as a hallmark for both of them with that. and having to also like men in this whole world and THEN getting to have this crazy thing together where they're actually real fr with another person. even the very first time they do it/hang out!! like the way this part is actually sooooo it's all about being real. duh but also that's the whole point <3