Shane Hollander post coming out mic'd up slinging the most cutting, vicious, objectively true comments about his opponents' play styles and hockey prowess, always delivered in his most serious deadpan captain voice that betrays zero personal attachment to the results of whatever scathing advice he's giving out. He never uses players' names either, just numbers. It drives the rest of the league fucking insane.
Some examples of Shane chirps that cause full-on brawls while he skates cleanly away to go chug designer electrolyte saline solution by the bench with his delighted husband:
"Hey Number 56 if you practiced your footwork more you could catch up to me and look me in the eye while calling me slurs"
"Hey 34 your team might have a shot at winning something next year without you so if you want to be a real team player then consider quitting"
"Hey bud, ice is pretty slippery and hurts to fall on so maybe consider learning how to skate before getting on the rink next time"
"Hey 23 I know you'll always be one behind me but you could try a little harder not to take that literally every time we play"
And Ilya's personal all-time favorite that has him giggling and kicking his feet for weeks:
"I'd love to disrupt my usual style and throw something at you that's not objectively true, but all the best chirps already are so I'm out of good options :/"
