Be the woman you always wanted to be

A few years ago a had a few favorite shows and really enjoyed spending my evenings watching TV. This pastime was easy, relaxing and always available. However, I noticed that my attachment for TV grew and I waited for new episodes with the excitement of a drug addict expecting a dose. Before the series would be over I knew of new interesting series that would be advertised during commercial breaks.. This was a never ending cycle, the more I watched the more interested I got: sometimes I even thought, dreamed and talked about what I saw on TV. This may be nothing strange to some, but to me it was quite unusual since most of my life I had better things to do. Even though this exposure to TV was so easy to enjoy, I decided that if I had enough free time to watch the zombie box then I had enough time for more exciting activities. This conscious desire was enough to move on and find association of those who don't watch TV at all (and many don't even own one).

But what's wrong with TV?

First of all, the entertainment shows and programs are made in a manner that gets people hooked. The drama, the excitement, the joy that we lack in our lives are all there available from the comfort of the couch. This makes it so tempting to just ignore your own thoughts and problems and live the lives of artificial characters instead of your own.

Secondly, the TV puts a person in a position of passive receiving of entertainment: there is no need to think, plan or organize anything. Even selecting a movie to rent or a book to read requires some creativity, watching TV does not. As this practice becomes the norm it gets harder and harder to use one's own imagination and creativity. This is especially prevalent among children who cannot even imagine entertaining themselves without TV.

Thirdly, I hope this is not a secret to anyone, but behind every show, news program and commercial there is a whole team of people who work on making the watchers experience certain emotions: fear, lust, sadness or greed. We can only speculate about the reasons behind any particular thing shown on TV. One may have a hard time measuring the exact effect of TV programs on his or her life. Yet, the effect is there. Sound has a very profound influence on people which has been proven by numerous research and studies. Combine it with changing visuals and you have a very powerful tool of influence. Some are more receptive to this influence than others, women and children are in the category. According to numerous studies children under 3 years of age are not even psychologically ready for watching fast changing images in cartoons. Other studies have directly linked the problems of sleep, speech, communication and reading comprehension to watching videos before 18 months of age.

Very few shows have any educational value, some of the most popular programs are toilet humor comedies and reality shows that focus on the vices much more than virtues. One doesn’t even need to watch those programs to be exposed to what is going on in them. Commercial breaks are usually filled with previews of shows filled with fights, drama and behavior that is far from being honorable. Yet, those thing are considered “reality” and the more they get into our lives the more they shape our own realities.

And, of course, there is also the issue of time. An hour spent watching TV is an hour of a very short life that one cannot get back. Is this pastime worthy of the time of a great person? Would Jesus watch TV? Would Buddha get subscription to 158 cable channels?

An average American watches five (!!!!) hours of TV a day. That is 35 hours a week or 1825 hours a year. So over 2 months out of a year of a life of an average person go towards watching TV. But what else can one do with 5 hours a day? Maybe spend 3 hours with family and 2 hours on exercise. Or maybe have 1 hour of loving exchanges with family members a day, 2 hours of active family time outdoors and 2 hours of reading and learning about self-realization, which happens to be the purpose of human life. Or maybe a person who is so stressed out at work can spend an hour a day on a hobby which can result into new acquaintances and career. I happen to know quite a few people who didn't like their jobs and worked out in their free time, which helped them make a happy transition towards becoming personal trainers.

TV may become an easy escape from reality but the price of it is in the precious minutes of time and the breaths we take that we can never get back. Are they really worth as much as the shows like "Desperate Madness" or "The Sons of Nonsense"?

Somehow my email address got signed up to Quora, a website where people ask questions and receive responses from other users. I usually don’t pay much attention to the popular questions I receive, but one headline really surprised me. A woman was wondering how would her child feel if she left him to live with her parents since her and her husband are so busy at work. This made me wonder why do people even ask such questions. Do they genuinely not understand or do they need a public opinion to justify their desire to make life easier?

How would a woman feel if her beloved passed her on to another man because his work schedule is tight?

Children are people with feelings that are even more intense than adult feelings. Even though they may seem insignificant.

Most people have children with the same level of awareness as children who want cute puppies. Sadly enough most people who want children don’t even think about the reason why.

And those who do have children are free to decide and make choices, so:

·       One can begin by considering whether the child should live or the timing isn’t very good.

·       Have C-section for easy and painless delivery even when there is no medical need for it.

·       Feed a child with formula: quick, easy and no need to think much.

·       Not pick up the child too much so that he or she gets used to self –soothing.

·       Put the newborn to sleep in a separate room, so the parents can sleep better.

·       Pass on the little one to grandparents or daycare to carry on the exciting life and career.

·       Go on convenient parents-only vacations without crying, constant feeding and looking for a bathroom.

·       Spend the short moments together with a child-zombie who is watching cartoons or playing games on ipad, so that the parents can socialize and do what they want to do like the she isn’t there.

 And it seems to be ok, to each his own, isn’t it?

 Did you know that “To each his own” is the motto that was written on the walls at the entrances to Hitler’s concentration camps? Is it really a reliable approach to making choices about one’s life and parenting?

 Of course, in some cases c-section, infant formula and daycare are the only options, but it’s a matter of survival not choice. The choices that parents make should be made out of love and their desire to give as much love as possible. Actually, all the choices of an affectionate positive individual should be based on love, but sometimes it is hard to start living in such manner. This is where children can help and teach us to act out of love instead of selfishness.

It may be tempting to program a child to be convenient and barely noticeable and justify it by saying that it means teaching self-sufficiency. But what is the price of such convenience?

Psychologists have proven the fact that a small child who doesn’t ask for help is the child that doesn't believe that parents can help. This is the first step towards practical atheism, “ I’m on my own, and even if there is God, He has nothing to do with giving guiding and protecting me.”

Sometimes it may seem like kids are a just another material attachment, which is not very important for spiritual people. Isn’t the spiritual growth of the parents worth passing on the child elsewhere? Attending yoga classes, going to meditation retreats, reading philosophical books and associating with highly elevated individuals are so important and so much easier when you don’t have to worry about changing diapers. As hard as it may be to admit, loving and caring for children is a spiritual practice. A great saint Srila Prabhupada used to say, “Your children are your deities” and as Bhagavad-Gita explains one cannot attain God by ignoring his or her duty.

 Convenient children are more likely to grow up to be adults who don’t know how to love and be compassionate. Where would they learn about compassion? They certainly don’t teach loving exchanges at school, it just isn’t a part of the curriculum.

 A child isn’t mean to be convenient; childhood is the time to learn that one can be loved for no reason and be protected. Children who don’t get enough love only listen to their parents out of fear of punishment because they don’t think that parents want the best for them since there is no strong loving connection. 

Criticizing others means going against the loving nature that is the real essence of the heart. However, we live in the world of competition, which teaches us that we become better through finding fault in others. Unfortunately this is prevalent among so many women, who see other females as rivals in the constant fight for admiration and popularity. Such attitude doesn’t bring happiness and it makes it impossible to build loving relationships. Usually the women who see other females as their competition don’t have real friends; they may stay in packs of like-minded individuals, but their friendships are full of negativity and jealousy. If a woman talks bad about other women with her girlfriends chances are very high that she does the same behind her girlfriends’ backs. That is the reality we don’t like to admit because most of us do criticize or think bad of others every now and then. Such negativity is like a virus that we can either fight or allow it to grow.

A person who seeks fault in others is like a fly. We know that flies don’t seek anything auspicious. As Srila Prabhupada said, “flies seek sores whereas honeybees seek honey“. We have a choice of either being flies or becoming honeybees. The mentality of a bee means looking for the good and praising others. It never hurts to genuinely compliment somebody and talk good things behind people’s backs. Why is it so hard then? Sometimes it is easier to complement things instead of people by saying, “I like your dress” instead of, “You make this dress look so good”. Such inability to praise others is a symptom of a stingy heart, which can only be cured with generosity.

I, myself, constantly fight the bad habit of seeking fault in others. The critical mind is so hard to control; however, one can do it by switching attention to the positive traits of other people. Psychologists say that you can change your attitude towards someone you don’t like by simply finding three good qualities in that person. Openly admiring the good in others helps you develop good traits in yourself. I won’t become less attractive by genuinely praising the beauty of another woman, but it may make me a little nicer. Allowing another person to shine instead of competing for attention may be hard for my ego, but it will bring so much more benefit in the form of true humility. We become so much kinder once we start living like harmonious parts of one organism, instead of competing and trying to look better than others.

For easy and flavorful lunch I like to make pasta dishes because they can be so versatile. Pasta is like blank canvas that can be so different when served with creamy bechamel and cheese or tomato sauce full of vegetables. The possibilities are endless. All you have to do is cook your favorite pasta (wheat, whole-wheat or gluten free) al dente (to be firm to the bite) and unite it with the sauce of your choice. It is that simple. The sauce, however, is where the magic happens.

Today I made a vegan puttanesca sauce, which is a perfect vegan dish since it is traditionally served without the cheese. It turned out so bright and spicy that my husband enjoyed the capers, the ingredient he always avoided. Served alongside steamed broccoli this dish was a healthy, simple, yet flavorsome lunch that anyone can make in under 30 minutes.

Spaghetti puttanesca

serves 4-5

Ingredients

1 pack spaghetti

1 28-oz can of crushed tomatoes

1 6-oz can of tomato paste

1/2 teaspoon crushed black pepper

1/3 teaspoon asofetida

1/2-3/4 teaspoon crushed chili (depending on how spicy you like your food)

1 can of black olives, rinsed and halved

2 tablespoons of capers, rinsed

1 tablespoon dry basil

1/2 teaspoon sugar

4 teaspoons salt

1/8 cup olive oil

1 tablespoon grapeseed oil or other oil suitable for high-heat cooking

1. Warm up cooking oil in a dutch oven over medium heat. Add black pepper and asofetida and stir for 30 seconds.

2. Follow with tomato paste and crushed tomatoes. Add crushed tomatoes a little at a time and stir well to dissolve tomato paste. Add 2 teaspoons of salt, sugar, chili, and basil. Bring the sauce to light simmer and put 3/4 of olives and capers in. Lower the heat and cover the pot. Let it simmer for 20 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, cook your favorite pasta in a pot of boiling water with 2 teaspoons of salt. In order to prepare it al dente you need to cook it for the minimum amount of time indicated on the package (for example 9 minutes if it says that cooking time is 9-11 minutes).

4. Once the pasta is cooked drain it and add to the sauce. Pour olive oil over, stir and turn the heat off. Serve the dish with some uncooked capers and olives on top.

Ethiopian cuisine is one of my favorites. It is definitely full of amazing vegan dishes that are made with very simple and healthy ingredients. In spite of simplicity those dishes are so rich and flavorful thanks to a generous amount of spices such as ginger, turmeric, chili, and cardamom. I’ve been experimenting with more and more dishes from a really cool cookbook “Teff Love: Adventures in Vegan Ethiopian Cooking” by Kittee Berns . My favorite very easy dish is azifa - a cold lentil salad that has a mild spicy flavor contrasted by bright acidity of lemon juice. This dish is also excellent the day after. It actually becomes better over time.

Real Ethiopian feast must be served on top of injera - fermented flatbread made out of teff. I make mine from a mixture of teff, wheat and barley flours, but you can use teff only. The original recipe calls for 3 days of fermentation, but I accidentally figured out that it tastes better after 4 days. I think the reason for it is that injera is traditionally made in warm environment and the kitchen with AC doesn’t let it ferment as fast.

Make your stews and salads and place them on top of injera with some more injera on the side. Once you get a hang of it, making injera will be easy and fun.

injera

Makes 5-6 pieces

Ingredients

3/4 cup teff flour

1 cup barley flour

1/4 cup unbleached white flour

2.5 cups water

1/2 teaspoon salt

a little vegetable oil

1. Mix all the flours in a deep bowl. Be sure to use a bowl that is deep, as the mixture will foam and increase in size. Slowly add water. Mix well until the mixture has an even consistency. I like to use hands for mixing.

2. Close the bowl or put the mixture in a glass jar with a lid. Set aside in a warm place for 4 days.

3. On the day of making the mixture will appear bubbly. Add salt and mix well.

4. Warm up a pan over medium high heat and lightly oil the surface. Pour the mixture on the pan using a soup ladle. For a large pan I use one full ladle and a quarter. Rotate the pan to evenly distribute the mixture in a thin layer and create a round shape. After 10-15 seconds you will see first bubbles appear, cover the pan and cook for 30-45 seconds. After that remove the lid and cook for a further 1.5-2 minutes. The edges will get dry and and you can lightly lift them with a spatula. Don’t force it if your injera is still moist on the bottom, it should have a moist top, but dry bottom. Gently slide a spatula underneath moving around to separate injera from the pan and slide it onto another dish without flipping.

5. Remove the crumbs and lightly oil the pan to continue. Stack your injeras on top of each other and cover with a towel until ready to serve.

Azifa - cold lentil salad

Serves 4-5

Ingredients

1.5 cup dry brown lentils

1 jalapeno diced

juice of 1/2 lemon

1.5 teaspoons salt

1 tablespoon olive oil

optional 1 tomato diced

a dash of ground black pepper

1. Rinse the lentils and place in the pot with 3 cups of water and 1 teaspoon of salt. Cover, bring to boil and simmer over low heat until lentils get soft.

2. Once the lentils are cooked, drain and let them cool.

3. Place cooled lentils in a bowl and mash until only half of the lentils remain whole.

4. Add the rest of the ingredients and salt and stir to incorporate.

A Vedic astrologer Doctor Torsunov says that a woman is the one who wins without fighting. This means that the real power of a woman is not in physical strength, it is in knowledge about her sublime powers. One of the most important ways that a woman can influence others is through the food she makes. Any food, and especially grains transfers the mental energy of the person who made it to those who eat it. I wrote about it a while ago in the article about the importance of making homemade bread.  It is very auspicious for a woman to put her love into bread and give it to her dear ones. This way she can protect the minds of her husband, children, friends, relatives and herself. It is also great for single women to bake bread. As a psychologist Ruslan Narushevich says, “A single woman whose house smells like freshly baked bread doesn’t stay single for too long”.

So what is the best bread to make? The answer is simple, the bread that the people you make it for like. Sometimes it means making different types of bread for different people. It is actually easier than it sounds, as there are great books with easy recipes like “Artisan Breads in 5 Minutes a Day”. My husband enjoys the recipes from this book, but those breads are all made with yeast. My biggest problem was staying away and not eating them myself as I try to avoid yeast. So I kept on making bread for him while experimenting with yeast free recipes to find something that we both enjoy. I came across this very simple recipe on Instagram and it became my new favorite. It is so easy, yet can be versatile, you can make loaves or buns out of it, add rye or whole-wheat flour or spice things up with herbs. This bread also makes a perfect burger bun, excellent with baked falafel, juicy tomato, spicy arugula and a touch of mustard. It is so good that it is worth getting a kitchen scale for making it.

You can make homemade bread a source of happiness and joy for everyone by simply making it with love. Moreover, it can be even more auspicious if you repeat prayers and think of your gratitude to your loved ones while kneading the dough. Additionally, you can go even further and make your bread spiritual by offering it to God before serving it.

So wash your hands, put on an apron and let’s make magic happen..

White flour buns

makes 12

Ingredients

700 g white flour

2 tablespoons sugar

1 tablespoon salt

0.5 teaspoon baking soda

100 g grape seed oil

500 g kefir or whey from paneer

1. Warm up the over to 400 F.

2. Mix all dry ingredients in a deep bowl. Add oil and kefir.

3. Knead the dough for about 5 minutes until it becomes smooth and elastic. Wash your hands.

4. Line a baking tray with parchment paper. Wet your hands with water and form 12 small balls equal in size. Make sure you leave distance in between them as they will grow in size.

5. Place the tray into the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes until the buns become golden.

6. Once the buns are done, take out the tray, place on a cooling rack and cover with a towel. Let the buns cool for 15-20 minutes.

Getting in shape is an issue for many women and it can be especially hard for new mothers. Having the knowledge and training as a personal trainer as well as recently going through this myself, I decided to share my experience. I hope that somebody will find it helpful.

First of all, it is important to begin with realistic expectations. We all have different body structures, so I will not give any recommendations that will make you instantly get slimmer than you were before giving birth. And that shouldn’t be your top priority. However, being comfortable and healthy in your body is natural and can be achieved by most women who don’t have any serious health issues.

It is easy to fall into comparing yourself to others. Some new mothers looks like supermodels within weeks after giving birth. However, while some look at those women and feel bad for not being in top shape, they may compare themselves to the women who get back in shape after giving birth while managing successful businesses. Meanwhile, the women who get in shape and manage successful businesses feel like they are not good enough because there are others who get in shape and manage businesses while teaching their children to speak baby sign language by the age of 3 months. And so on.

There is no point comparing yourself to anyone other than you. You have a unique body that should be healthy and comfortable for you.  The only way to measure the progress on the way of getting into that body is by looking at your own results over time.

Stressing about weight doesn’t help you get in shape. On the opposite, any kind of stress causes a release of a hormone called cortisol, which increases the storage of fat deposits in abdominal area. Obsessive working out and dieting can only cause harm during this very important period. Moreover, such attitude doesn’t help you create a healthy body image. We all have different shapes that suit us. There is no benefit in either obsessing about slimming down after having a baby or neglecting your body. Instead, focus on getting into healthy weight and restoring your health.

There is no secret that the main reason for excessive weight gain is excessive eating. A pregnant woman has to store extra fat on her body, however, it is not a reason to eat anything and everything she sees. Developing a healthy relationship with food is the only stable way of being healthy and fit. We don’t just eat to get nutrients; we eat to receive certain emotions. It is common for a person who doesn’t have other sources of positive emotions to  to get them from food.

Different tastes satisfy the senses in different ways.  Ayurveda explains that  sweet taste gives a taste for happiness while oily taste gives a sense of security. That is why so many people crave sweet and oily foods. It is easy to mistake the cravings of the mind for the real needs of the body. On average pregnant and breastfeeding women need an additional 500 calories a day, which should come in the form of healthy nutritious foods. While pregnancy and nursing are not the times for dieting, they shouldn’t be used as excuse to eat buckets of ice cream. Naturally, once the needs for love and happiness are satisfied through positive association, friendships and prayer, the cravings for high-calorie food become less frequent.

Don’t rush getting back into exercise routine. Intense exercise can interfere with milk production, but light exercising and walking helps promoting recovery and uplifting the mood. Walking is the most beneficial exercise for the following reasons:

1)   Walking with the baby can help him or her get used to the environment, get fresh air and develop immune system. Additionally, the baby can get much-needed vitamin D through sunlight.

2)   Walking is great gentle exercise. You can easily get your workout by walking with a baby in a sling or stroller for 30-60 minutes a day.

3)   Walking balances Vata-dosha, which is so high during pregnancy and postnatal period.

4)   Walking helps bonding and building relationships. People who walk together get emotionally connected, that is why it is so beneficial to walk with your baby as well as the whole family.

5)   Walking is a great opportunity for spiritual practice. Most babies easily fall asleep during walks. This gives you time to pray, meditate or wish everyone happiness. I use this time to chant the Holy Names for an hour a day.

Get a postpartum girdle, corset or wrap, as wearing them for the first month and a half of postpartum period makes a great difference. It helps all organs get in place and really tightens the belly. I liked wrapping the most, but it took some time, so I wore postnatal corset whenever I didn’t have an extra 5 minutes to do belly wrapping.

And, lastly, remember that looking good is possible at any size. Caring for a baby is a very time-consuming activity. It is so easy to get so immersed into it that you forget that you are not just a mom, but also a wife and, most importantly, a woman. Once this happens we begin ignoring ourselves. The wardrobe becomes filled with shapeless clothing and large t-shirts that are easy to wash and take off for feeding; beauty products become replaced with baby products and make-up becomes a thing of the past. With such attitude it is hard to become content with your body no matter what size it is. Regardless of your present weight you will look and feel much better when you take care of your looks and wear attractive clothes. It doesn’t matter if you don’t get out of the house much, dressing beautifully will make a great difference.  I found that there are many comfortable, feminine and affordable dresses suitable for breastfeeding out there. They are just as easy to wash as shapeless t-shirts and track suits, but they help you look good even without makeup and fresh manicure. Beauty is God’s gift to women, so why disrespect it with sloppiness?

Do you know that your food preferences say a lot about you? The tastes that we like are influenced by out mindset and the other way around, the character gets affected by the products we consume. When I first learned about it I was very surprised. And to this day I’m fascinated by the wisdom of Ayurvedic knowledge.

The most important taste is sweet. It is the only taste that fully belongs to the category of goodness. The people who like sweet tend to be optimistic and aspire for happiness. Children usually like sweet because they have a positive attitude. Vedic scriptures advice women to eat sweet foods in order to stay pleasant and attractive. I wasn’t a big fan of sweets, even as a child I preferred sour and spicy flavors. However, as I started consciously changing my life style I changed my diet. I started eating the foods that increase the levels of goodness and positively affect the mind. I started learning how to make natural eggless sweets. Over time my recipe book has grown and I developed a taste for sweet. As a result, my life has become so much sweeter.

This week I’ve tried a new recipe for shortbread cookies that my mom shared with me. I really liked those light buttery cookies that are so rich that one or two pieces in the morning can put you in a sweet mood for the day. You can play around and add different nuts, spices or dry fruit to this recipe according to your taste.The cookies can be stored in a ziplock bag for a week.

Cranberry pistachio shortbread cookies

makes 24 pieces

Ingredients

300 g flour

180 g sugar

100 cold butter, cut in cubes

100 g sour cream

¼ cup pistachios, chopped

¼ cup dry cranberries

1. Warm up the oven to 350F.

2. Mix flour, sugar, butter and sour cream. Knead until the dough forms a ball. Add pistachios and cranberries and knead the dough to distribute them.

3. Scoop the dough with a tablespoon into a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Form small dough balls with a little distance in between and then flatten them to form flat cookies.

4. Bake for 15-18 minutes until the cookies start getting golden.

There are dishes that I have so much to say about. And there are dishes that are so good, that I have to make myself write about them just so I don’t keep on eating. This pasta bolognese is the latter. The spiciness of the chili, the mild acidity of crushed tomatoes and the earthiness of Italian spices unite to make this recipe a winner.

Vegan pasta bolognese

makes 4 servings

Ingredients

1 cup dry textured vegetable protein (TVP)

2 carrots, sliced in half moon slices

14 oz crushed tomatoes

1 cup water

1 tablespoon liquid aminos or low salt soy sauce

1 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

2 bay leaves

1 small cinnamon stick

a dash of asofetida (hing) powder

1 teaspoon of each dry thyme, basil and oregano

1/2 teaspoon crushed chili

8 oz dry pasta (wheat or gluten free)

1 tablespoon olive oil

grape seed oil for cooking

1. In a large dutch oven warm up grape seed oil over medium heat. Add cinnamon and bay leaf and stir for a minute. Follow with asofetida and black pepper and cook for a further 30 seconds.

2. Add carrots and saute for 3 minutes.

3. Pour tomatoes and water over, add salt, liquid aminos, dry herbs and chili. Bring the sauce to boil, add TVP and stir. Cover and cook over low heat for 15 minutes. Once the sauce is done, turn off the heat and add olive oil.

4. Meanwhile, cook pasta in salted water according to the package instructions. Once cooked drain and top with bolognese sauce.