The Carnivorous Muffin's Heretical Meta

Where You Going?

You're in luck, I saw this movie.

Is There Anything in the Backrooms that Could Threaten a Vampire

By definition, yes.

If the theory is correct and the backrooms replicate what exists in our world (but wrong) then there's going to be vampires in there along with children of the moon and whatever else went bump in the night but didn't make it to the modern age, except wrong.

So yes, there's uncanny vampires wandering around back there doing who even knows what.

What Would Aro Do?

What can Aro do?

You guys always assume Aro can do something about these things.

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Why I ask: I made an island in Tamadochi Life including Bella, L, and Kakashi. So far, Bella has fallen for Kakashi, and Kakashi is not interested.

L is not interested in any people on the island, he likes the human personifications of my dogs most. He actually got a headache after talking to Bella.

...

I read your question before I read the rest of it and came up with the same answer. I can't believe it.

Specifically, I thought Bella would like Kakashi as he has more of an air of mystery/handsomeness but that he would subtly roast her constantly but she wouldn't get it.

We only know what Edward tells us because even the Cullens don't know what the fuck he got up to in Rio.

What we do know is he looked awful in Volterra (for a vampire) and his eyes were very very very dark.

So, we know he hadn't eaten in at least two weeks--though if it was longer than that, given he was gone for months, I doubt he'd be in a condition to make it to Volterra.

So, personally, I think he was eating periodically, but probably the vampire equivalent of the depression diet: he was eating the rats and pigeons.

Why Does Carlisle Go Out to Eat?

Thanks to the tensions with the wolves and Bella's constant need for medical attention, Carlisle had not been able to eat in weeks. He was about to perform a very bloody operation, playing it safe he went to get food as Bella was not supposed to have to have an emergency birth operation right that second.

The thing about Carlisle is he does not take his control for granted, which is actually very responsible of him and in Bella's position I would be very gratified that my doctor is taking every precaution not to eat me.

The man literally stepped out for two seconds and of course it happens right then.

Though Carlisle has a beautiful history of things not being his fault by stepping out to eat at the cosmic worst possible second (see the Edward suicide debacle).

How is Each Cullen's Control After Breaking Dawn?

The same as before Breaking Dawn.

Oh, anon, it very much happened in the books. Sorry, anon, it was not better in the books, not at all. It was, in fact, much worse as Bella sends hundreds of emails to a dead server.

The emails, however, bounce back that the email address no longer exists, because Bella has been blocked.

And in the books it's addressed... in the most unsatisfying manner Alice could have possibly devised but Bella's so desperate she doesn't care.

Alice explains in New Moon that Edward told all of them to cut contact with Bella completely, and so to prove Edward's a stupid idiot who can't live without Bella, Alice did everything Edward wanted even though it really really hurt her to do it.

She's sorry she never responded to her fifty billion emails or calls.

The fuss Bella raises plays into her demanding the Cullen vote to turn her into a vampire, which happened for a lot of reasons, but one of the unadmitted ones was to be a Cullen for real so this would never, ever, happen again.

I think he meant it, he didn't want to do it, at all, but he knew Bella did and that he'd been pushing her into a lot (and that whole Jacob thing was going on) so he worked up his courage and said "alright, I'll do it, right here and now", while praying she said no.

Which she did, indeed, say no, and so he didn't have to do it.

And just a few weeks later he was begging Bella to go to college and keep putting off that transformation, baby, just be human a little bit longer.

What if Renesmee Told Her Family That She Was a Lesbian?

Caveat

Anon, if you want Renesmee/Maggie go forth, be free, live your best life. Do not let me or anyone else stop you.

Do I Think Renesmee/Maggie Could Work

No.

Or at least...

There's A LOT of baggage.

The Diet Problem

First, you have the eating problem. Renesmee has grown up on the Cullen diet, she is half-human who only was born because her father did not eat her mother when everyone else would have, at least at the end of Breaking Dawn she has a connection with Charlie, her human grandfather, and of course Jacob her mostly human protector, babysitter, guardian, imprint-guy.

Maggie eats people.

Oh, she's very nice and all, great friends to the family, but she knows she doesn't have to eat people and she still does it. And they, in turn, wonder what the fuck is wrong with the crazy Cullens starving themselves over there: just eat a person.

Now, maybe Maggie could change her mind, the whole Irish coven could.... but they haven't in centuries and if they don't all go together then their entire family structure sort of falls apart in messy calamity.

Renesmee could also change her mind, she eats people now, she's going to live in the Irish wilderness and eat people, guys. And she could do that, that's a decision... but it'd be a lot like those decisions where someone turns their life on its head to change themselves as a person and then realize they're in the Irish wilderness with no material goods eating people.

The Maggie Both Knew Renesmee as a Baby and Will Always Be a Teenager

Maggie met Renesmee in the context of: you are my friends' baby, you are a baby, you are a baby.

Now, Renesmee will grow up, she's not always going to be a baby (very quickly) and it's not like Maggie's around all the time to have a strong relationship with Renesmee the baby...

But that's going to be fucking weird. Especially for a species who are not used to people changing on them. You see Edward a hundred years ago it's the same Edward you meet a hundred years later.

Vampires are not used to BABY followed by OH MY GOD, ADULT. And I think that's going to be really really weird for most of them, even the Cullens who think they're adapting but have been in that vampire mindset so long that the switch from BABY to LITTLE GIRL alone is jarring (not helped that there's a week in between those stages).

So, next time Maggie meets a grown Renesmee it's "ah aha ha ha, I remember when you were baby for a month :/" Even if she's interested... it's weird.

Could get over it, and like I said it isn't as if they knew each other very long/can't pretend they didn't really meet/it doesn't count... but it's weird.

And then you get the other bit of this.

Meyer strongly implies that Renesmee will be physically stuck at seventeen or eighteen when she reaches maturity. But we don't know that, we also don't know if Renesmee's stuck at seventeen-brain, we didn't see enough of Nahuel to really get a good feeling on that or if he's an exception and so on and so forth.

Maggie is stuck as a starving fifteen-year-old, that's not necessarily a bad thing... but if Renesmee ends up with adult-brain and adult-body then she'll shoot right past where Maggie looks eligible/appealing and is in the realm of "too young :/"

THE JACOB PROBLEM

Renesmee's being set up with Jacob.

This will go poorly.

Any involvement with anyone else will both make this more complicated and also go poorly.

And it means Bella and Jacob, at least, will intervene hard so that no other thing will happen.

TL;DR

I mean, sure, all the time.

I don't agree with most people and sometimes what I think is most likely happening is, frankly, boring.

Fanfiction is all about having fun and doing what you want and doing what you think is the correct thing to do. There are a lot of great fics, for example, where it's not what I would do, at all, but they're still great.

The thing is most of the humans live through Twilight and those that do die are typically not due to vampires.

Charlie was never under an immediate threat of being murdered by a vampire, even during the James debacle as the Cullens were too close by and James figured out he could fake holding Bella's mother hostage.

Laurent was more focused on the Cullens than the random human girl, and so died in the woods nowhere close to the Swan household.

Victoria, for her own part, was too skittish/run off to get close to the Swan household herself and it was pretty clear that Bella was the only real target. She didn't want to make Bella suffer, Bella was inconsequential/a tool for Edward's suffering.

The Bella and Jacob things were stupid and risky, but Bella has extremely stupid good control in other cases and Jacob never harmed anyone while shifting.

Alas, no!

Alas, anon, @therealvinelle is solely responsible for Ziggystardisciples as that was from her solo fic Nebuchadnezzar's Dream (I was a mere beta for that one).

But glad you're looking to The Heart of the World not yet titled sequel (by me @janedoewrites)

I remember the illustrated guide going into more details about the divorce but can't remember them all for the life of me.

Generally, though, the justification is that courts favor the mother in custody proceedings in the US. This is why in the gender-swap Renee is still a woman, because she would NEVER have gotten custody in her situation as a man.

You know, that's one of those things where I just missed the timing.