I got permission from this friend to post this because holy fuck I can't stop laughing
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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I got permission from this friend to post this because holy fuck I can't stop laughing

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happy pride month !
Gotta catch em all
Thinking about Rocky's first contact. So Aluminum is like really weak by Eridian standards right? Not just because Xenonite is so strong, but so are Eridians. So they probably see weaker metals like Aluminum the same way we would see cardboard or cheap plastic.
So imagine being Rocky, Eridian engineer with very high standards. Youre making first contact with an alien species, and this is their ride:
They just be letting anybody become an interstellar species these days
Can’t believe those mfs promised “there’ll be peace when you are done” for fifteen goddamn years just to send Castiel to superhell and kill Dean Winchester

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"Kids shouldn't learn about periods."
I don't know how to tell you this, but kids have periods
"oh? this gun hanging on the wall?", she chuckled narratively.
why did this post get 2000 notes overnight. bad feeling about my wall
gun's gone.
She chuckled narratively and plotted down the stairs.
Imagine Eva Stratt years after sending her favorite guy to boss around to space. Getting the logs and recordings and finding out that her guy made first contact with sapient alien life and it IMMEDIATELY started bossing him around too. Like what if you surrendered your dog and it got adopted by an alien instantly. Happened to my girl Eva Stratt
Happy pride month to these three goobers
dragon absolutely happy to marry a human princess for diplomatic reasons but she is NOT going to turn human. she can fit on that bed just fine as a big scaly quadruped
they tell the dragon she doesn’t need to fit in the bed because she isn’t actually obligated to fuck the princess and she’s almost more shocked at the idea that she wouldn’t have sex with her wife
the princess is conflicted about all this
the princess is no longer conflicted about all this

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It's hard to say this without sounding like a right wing dickhead, but the thing about progressive spaces is that they may naturally attract people who are always on the lookout for excuses to start a fight. Like you can find yourself faced with someone whose political outrage is totally justified, and whose humanitarian ideals are right on the money, but simultaneously they are carrying a ton of psychological baggage about being wronged and getting revenge, and they will exploit literally any opportunity to live out this psychodrama with anyone in their line of vision. I have thought of several related anecdotes since I started typing this post, but I'll limit myself to the thing that inspired it, which is that I just visited this ultra-lefty cafe/bike shop/community gathering space where I've heard that the proprietor is constantly in a fight with everyone around her. When I paid for my stuff I noticed that there was no tip option, but I thought I had heard something about this, so I snuck away to look at the website and it made me really glad I didn't ask! I think there should have been a really enticing and exciting way for her to say "I've decided to be the change I want to see in the world, so I'm paying my baristas a full living wage, I'm making sure EVERYONE feels welcome and comfortable here, and I'm selling products I believe in!" -- but instead all the web copy sounded more like "You're either with me or against me, you're a fucking piece of shit asshole if you can't handle the inclusive atmosphere here, and by the way tipping is for fascist cavemen and if you ever try to tip someone you are refusing to relate to them authentically and you are enforcing a dangerous and evil power dynamic that should be purged from human society (so therefore I pay my staff well)." Like everything she stood for was totally agreeable, but why did she have to put it like it was directed at her worst enemy, rather than at the kinds of people she wants to attract? If the word on the street is to be believed, the reason for this posturing is that she spends quite a lot of energy making as many enemies as possible, and she probably likes it that way. I guess I'm just reminding myself, and perhaps others, that while one might think of "politics" as being broadly social and theoretical, no individual can fully separate the political from the intimately personal. Even somebody who seems to want to uplift and protect their fellow humans may be getting some perverse inner satisfaction out of that valiant crusade, and you may never realize it until you find yourself in a confusing fight with them.
My sick one true love fetish……… my disgusting monogamous shipping……..
the road OUT of hell is also paved with good intentions. That’s just kind of the main road we’ve got
People think hell can afford TWO roads? In this economy? You're taking the Good Intentions Highway both directions, mate.
Okay but imagine being the team of Eridian scientists tasked with keeping Erid's Only Human alive for as long as possible while the whole planet's environment is literally trying to kill him. And then Rocky shows up and is like:
“Grace says he would like half of dome to be water.”
“Oh, is necessary for humans to have large amounts of water question?”
Small Eridian equivalent of a sigh. “No. Not needed for life. In fact Grace will die if he falls in water and does not get out.”
“Tell him we give him water in containers that won't kill him. Lots lots lots of water on Erid for Grace to drink.”
“No. Grace say he want water on ground. Also want it with excess sodium chloride compound so it will be unhealthy for drink.”
“WHY QUESTION???”
To celebrate Erid getting their sun back on track, Grace asks for some alcohol. There's a small amount left from the Hail Mary and Rocky offers to take it to the science Eridians to see if they can synthesise more.
“Grace want this liquid for celebration.”
“Of course.” They scan it. “You have wrong liquid. This contain compounds which are poisonous for humans.”
“Yes yes yes. Grace say humans like feeling of being slightly poisoned.”
“WHY QUESTION?????”
Grace is like one of those extremely finicky tropical fish who instantly die if not kept in extremely specific conditions.
Only here the fish can talk and keeps asking you to make it vodka.
We should popularize more hispanized phonetic spellings of classic character names like we did with esnupi
Citripio y Arturito

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