ΧΑΙΡΕΤΕ Ω ΞΕΝΟΙ

I think my life would be vastly improved if we called square inches squinches

we need to invent a spray tan-style treatment but instead of spraying you with tanning stuff it sprays you with heavy duty spf. and it lasts a few weeks so that way you can just get your spf spray a few times a summer instead of having to spend 10 minutes every day getting sticky and oily and making sure the sunscreen is all rubbed in. how do i get on shark tank

crazy how there are only 2 hours of doing things every day before you keel over and die. if this werent normal id be worried

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

We need to isolate and start selectively breeding the plastic eating bacteria so we can optimise their efficiency, and then somehow splice their DNA into the gut bacteria of an obligate carnivore, so we can put it in our cats gut biomes so they'll finally be free of having to choose between whether they want to eat plastic or whether they want to live.

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

his wife has filled THEIR house with ANTIQUES. to AVOID DAMAGING HER VALUABLES i fuck him on the floor

#feminist retelling

Didn't realize they made emergency thermal blankets for babies

dude your ingroup signifier just fucking bit me

well at least you didnt get bitten by outgroup. getting bitten by outgroup might make you hurt and bleed the exact same amount as getting bitten by ingroup but it would be ontologically worse for some reason

your email found me at the grocery store irl. that's crazy that you gave it little legs and everything. it walked right up to me. everyone was so scared one person screamed when i picked it up. i said it's okay you just do this kind of thing sometimes. while i was reading, its little legs were just sort of dangling in the air. someone asked me if it's alive and if holding it like that made it uncomfortable. i told them idk i just get the emails i don't send them.

devil may happy :)

Wouldn’t it’ve made more sense to to say devil may smile?

critique my post ever again and devil may angry

You probably thought today was a normal Thursday. Nooooope. Big Papa Huge Time actually.