very ape, very nice

(read on my Patreon)

You just finished reading every queer hockey story available to man—and holy Wayne Gretzky—you're a newly minted hockey fan. You love the gays; you want to watch the sexy men zoom around in the boy aquarium, and it's Friday night. So you tune into an NHL game.

You're a brand new hockey fan and you can see that there's twelve men on the ice, a bunch of others on the bench, there's coaches, assistant coaches, goalie coaches, referees, retired NHL players doing analysis and color commentary. You scan the faces, and all are consumed by the reason for tonight's gathering: working together to get a vulcanized piece of rubber into a goddamn net. We've left the outside world behind; color, creed, orientation, immigration status, and gender matter not. All that matters is the effort these athletes put out on the ice.

Yet, as a new, leftist hockey fan, pick any one of these people, and flip a coin—and there's a decent chance that this person has conservative politics. If they're American and registered to vote, there's a 43.9% chance they are registered as a Republican and if they voted, they voted for Donald J. Trump.

src: From Peter Lutz on Vote Hub

And I'm sure if you asked the other 38.5% of NHL players, they'd say something along the lines of "I don't really do politics." You know, the type of "uh...I think everyone should stop fighting" response that the willfully under-informed offer when you bring up genocides.

Oh man. Oh gosh. That's so weird. You got into hockey because of the myriad of stories that celebrate queerness and marginalized identities and intersectional feminism—so what is up with this league? Why is it so different from the stories that use it as an athletic backdrop? Has it always been like this? And how did you end up here? Why are so many other fannish/bookish left-leaning people like yourself finding solace in a league where there are millionaires who will gladly win it all and shake hands with a self-proclaimed fascist?

If you're at all like me, a leftist Black woman, it's a simple cycle.

You discover the world of hockey and the NHL which is strange and fascinating. The blood, sweat, and tears compel you. Yes, it's filled with white people—like it's mostly white people whatthefuckisupwiththat—but they're a different sort of people because this niche underground culture is...strange and fascinating! They have slang and enormous asses! (edit: I speak on hockey and whiteness in this Vanity Fair article.)

It is very gay. The homosociality of hockey breeds a male repression unmatched by any other form of physical exertion. You feel safe here now; you feel justified. Nevermind the fact that toxic masculinity is the thing you're actually observing. You were born with slash goggles on. If these men can't untie the bow on their unconscious desires and unrealized tenderness, you can do it for them.

Reality strikes. A good rule of writing is that characters are what they do. And whenever you peek into the real world of the NHL...you see what the league and its players do—or don't do. Time after time again you're presented with political inaction from the league, racism, misogyny, transphobia, and apathy towards the things you really care about. You learn slowly, that the NHL is a league that moves at glacial speeds, pun intended. It is, simply, not progressive.

Well, at least you have hockey romance and that is progressive! You don't need professional men's hockey! You can make a difference! Yay!

...But oh good God, now you've spread the gospel of hockey to dozens—maybe hundreds of people with your hockey fandom. And some of the people with whom you shared your fandom? They may never make it to step three. (Picture me running from laptop to laptop, closing the Word documents of various hockey romance writers. I kind of sound like Jimmy Stewart: "Stop! St-stop it now! We're spreading it! Dontcha know we're spreading it, huh? You're sending 'em down to the boy aquarium, but that's no boy aquarium! That's MAGA territory, you see! These people think Bernie Sanders is crazy!")

Am I saying that watching an NHL game is like buying a signed copy of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? No. (But someone do the math on that.) Any time we engage with any of the major sports we put money in the coffers of billionaires. (The PWHL is owned by billionaire Mark Walters, who is the owner the Lakers, Dodgers, and Sparks. He donated to Obama and the DNC and is always happy to visit the White House—even if it's to hang out with Trump when his sports team does well. Do NOT get me started on the MLB)

All I am saying is that, you, new hockey fan, can save yourself a lot of time and frustration by knowing precisely the league that is being marketed to you. You will be disappointed with player politics. You will be lulled by the basest forms of rainbow capitalism. 43.9% of American NHL players are registered Republicans. You will find yourself accepting the bare-minimum. (I was way too proud of Sidney Crosby for like, knowing a gay person?)

white leftists have got to stop acting like christianity is the only religion that deserves to be criticized and you cannot touch any other religion because that'd be racist and bigoted. because as an indian who's watching my country progress towards hindu nationalism, this attitude doesn't help at all.

white people see hinduism as this exotic brown religion that's so much more progressive but don't know the violence of the caste system, how it others a large portion of the population on the basis of caste, literally branding them as "untouchables". they teach us in school that this problem is a thing of the past but the caste system is still alive and shows itself in violent ways. and that's not even covering how non hindus are treated in the country. muslims especially are being killed, have their houses bulldozed, businesses destroyed, and are being denied housing, our fucking prime minister called them infiltrators and there's this fear among hindu extremists that they'll outnumber the hindus in the country. portraying hinduism as this exotic religion does a disservice to all those oppressed by the hindutva ideology

similarly, white people see buddhism as this hippie religion that's all about peace but have no idea how extremist buddhists in myanmar have been persecuting the rohingya muslims for years and drive them out of the country.

if anything portraying these religions as exotic hippie brown religions is a type of orientalism itself.

and also y'all have got to realize that just because christianity has institutional power in america doesn't mean there aren't parts of the world where they are persecuted on the basis of religion. yes karen from florida who cries christophobia because she sees rainbow sprinkles on a cake is stupid but christian oppression DOES exist in non western countries where they're a minority. pakistani christians get lynched almost on a daily basis over blasphemy accusations. just look up the case of asia bibi, a pakistani christian woman who was sentenced to death on blasphemy charges because of something she said when she was being denied water because it was "forbidden" for a christian and a muslim to drink from the same utensil and she'd made it unclean just by touching it (which is ALSO rooted in casteism and part of pakistani christians' oppression also comes from the fact that a lot of them are dalit but that's a whole other discussion). and that's just one christian group, this isn't even going into what copts, assyrians, armenians etc have faced and continue to face. saying that christians everywhere are privileged because of american christianity actually harms christian minorites in non western countries.

and one last thing because this post is getting too long: someone being anti america doesn't automatically mean they're the good guys. too many times i've been seeing westerners on twitter dot com praise the fucking taliban just because they hate america. yes, the same taliban who banned education for women, thinks women should be imprisomed at home, and consistently oppresses religious and ethnic minorities in afghanistan. yes, america's war on afghanistan was bad and they SHOULD be called out for their war crimes there. no, the taliban are still not the good guys. BOTH of them are bad. you cannot pretend to care about muslims and brown people if you praise the taliban. because guess what? most of their victims are BROWN MUSLIM WOMEN. but of course white libs who praise them don't rub their two braincells together to make that conclusion.

Giveaw@y: We’re giving away 12 vintage paperback classics! Won’t these look lovely on your shelf? =) Enter to win these classics by: 1) following macrolit on Tumblr (yes, we will check. :P), and 2) reblogging this post. We will choose a random winner on 19 October 2024. Good luck!

this is a vegetarian potato curry recipe that's about 75% spices; once you get the potatoes in there you can really do whatever you want with it

this is literally just pasta, broccoli, and cheese babey and you can live off that shit for DAYS it makes such a big portion

bro this spinach/pesto/3 cheese flatbread is so fucking tasty bro

also you can make the flatbread yourself it's super quick!!

oh hey I'm eating this white chickpea chili right now, much like the curry it's mostly spices and you can do p much do whatever you want with it

don't let the name fool you these potatoes are delicious any time. not just breakfast.

Garlic butter rice

hey tumblr people, you're the best section of my fanbase as far as I'm concerned cause you get the real weird shit soooooooo

wanna come to the premiere of Dracula's Ex-Girlfriend in Hollywood???!!!! :P I'm giving away free tickets!

Share the trailer with the tag #DEX to be entered into the draw. We'll pick names out of a hat on Friday!

Premiere Deets

9th of September, Hollywood, Los Angeles, California

You have to sort your own flights and accommodation lol

Tickets include a +1 so you can bring a friend

You'll get a bunch of DEX Merch Swag

Dress Code: Gothic Black Tie :P