world's gayest snake

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

pussy from a guy who was "the weird girl" growing up

Dick from a girl who was "the quiet boy" growing up

dick from a guy who was the "weird girl" growing up

pussy from a girl who was "the quiet boy" growing up

long ago the four nations lived in harmony

They still do, but they used to as well

evangelicals being like "god made men to do This and be like This and women to do That and be like That that's just how it is" and it's just a picture of a white man and woman following traditional gender norms makes me so insane like you boring fascist fucks. god made 2 million species of beetles. god made whales, ducks, humans, and 1500 other species capable of same sex behavior. god made fish and amphibians that change sexes. god made more than 30 different intersex variations in human beings. god, in his infinite curiosity. wake up!!! fuck!!

"god wants women to have perfect no-makeup makeup looks and stay at home not talking back and upholding capitalism" god??? that guy who made lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?? that guy who made salmon do whatever the fuck that is?? are you fucking crazy???

Today I fell down the stairs while texting and when I got to the bottom I realized that I had hit the “audio message” function and sent them an entire 30 second recording of it

The clip is just 25 seconds of thumping noises followed by me assuring Ollie that Daddy is okay

I sent my carpet gremlins to trip you, not sorry.

you again

“I don’t want to be a burden” you’re more like a relief, a gift, a blessing actually

“i dont want to be a burden” dude i found the point of it all thanks to you. i realised the joy of existing is doing so with you bro

"i don't want to be a burden" you're worth carrying. i don't care if you'd be worth it to you; you're worth it to me. i smile every time i think of you. and buddy you're just gonna have to figure out how to cope w that <3

"I don't want to be a burden" human hands and arms and hearts are made for carrying.

bitches be like "these are my comfort characters!" and it's a group of murderers

sorry if i was weird last night it’s just that i’m weird pretty much every night actually

if I got carried away by the harpies I would accept my fate because I respect women