Moth

I wish it was not so shameful

I can't help how I feel

It's not immoral

Im probably not gonna unfollow her or anything I just forget who I fallow lol

She makes sexy cosplays and is like proud of her body wich is cool she also makes funny videos that are suggestive I didn’t take a close look at the account when I fallowed it wich is kinda funny cause I question why people fallow my toy account

If she notices my likes she is probably confused as well

I am 19 and just because my TikTok is kinda sorta child friendly doesn’t mean I can’t follow her unintentionally at first lol

I am not seeking out these accounts I just wasn't pay attention or she switched up her account

I guess my brain saved the worse for last

I used to only remember it in flashes once every few years

Now I can actually have the memories full time but I’m not as sad as I was when I had those brief flashbacks every few years

It makes sense why I’m remembering it fully

The worst part is can’t blame my abuser because we were 5 and both had trouble at home

But I’m not constantly breaking down like I did about the other traumas

I can actually remember my kinda shitty childhood

Wich is good because it means I’m ready to remember

Major trigger warning child on child sexual assault and pedophilia

Growing up is realizing this song is about child on child sexual assault and I liked listening to it because I was relating to it

No it’s not normal for a kindergartener to force others to show them thing and them to show me

I tried to look away but she begged

It’s not normal

It’s not just age appropriate “sexual curiosity”

It’s assault the worst part is I can’t even be mad at her

She was abused worse at home

Hopefully I am wrong

But like she prefers to call my dad’s wife her stepmom and not out mom’s wife

I guess it would make sense for her not to like Monica (mom’s now wife)

Because the Monica does scold her more than praise her

I feel guilty cause now I'm the perfect child (I'm 19 but still live with my parents cause I don't have drivers license my parents never cared enough to get me one or help me find a job that much)

Idk

I guess I'm the perfect one now

Even when I make mistakes and they find out it usually is not that bad

I just want to move out

I'm very observant when it comes to others

I drew someone in so much that they kissed me on the cheek and neck

And this same person said “platonic kissing is not a thing” yeah right

My skill rarely transfers into anything other than friendship

I have the perfect atypical friendship

She says this is normal for her I don't believe her

Some of it some not so much

I have what I've always wanted

“Our friendship goes beyond the ordinary bounds it's like we are a platonic married couple”

She feels how I feel

Oh god I feel so powerful

I talked to her first

I knew she was uncomfortable and shy in cooking class last year

Our friendship quickly became atypical which is typical for me cause I like to cuddle with my friends

I honestly thought she was gonna kiss me on my way out but she kissed me on the cheek and I did to at the same time

She said she wanted to go to Victoria secret with me

We cuddled all night

And we both said it was the most intimate thing we have done

I don't want to date her

Or anyone to be honest

Not because I'm unstable mentally

But because I want to have fun

And maybe fuck around a bit

Also like I'm aromantic and even though I do love my partner I feel like I'm lying to them

We are not lesbians but in the most gay way

Alterous attraction going both ways

This almost never truly happens

I have never been so intimate with someone (we cuddled all night on Halloween) probably more fun and imitate than loosing my virginity

We kissed on the cheek (and neck) so many times but not like in a romantic or make out way