#aspec stuff

also as a repulsed alloaro aspec spaces are so often hostile towards me. no one treats romance repulsion as real so you still have people bringing up romance right in front of you or even dragging their partner along in whats meant to be a safe space. and then half the people there imply theyre better than the allos because they don't have sex/have less of it when basically my only way of connecting with someone is through that. being aro is now seen as more of a philosophy rather than an actual orientation (thank you partnering aros who keep saying shit like "everyone should become more aromantic" and "everyone should date and kiss their friends! abolish romance and monogamy!") so now people treat me being aro more like me declaring that i'm a cool poly person who's ~woke~ about romance and writes long thinkpieces about it when in fact i just really fucking hate this weird ass scarily obsessive relationship structure and all the uncomfortable touching and fake gestures that have to go along with it and get physically nauseous if i imagine myself in anything similar.

i find it very difficult to be plato repulsed while not being asocial. im extroverted i think, i get lonely super fast and i enjoy being with people (especially meeting new people) a ton, but then my repulsion keeps me from forming actual relationships with them. I've never really been able to figure out the exact line at which something becomes a friendship, so my repulsion triggers seemingly at random at some points, and I'm also very anxious about accidentally becoming friends with someone without realizing which hinders me even more. idk its just kinda fucked up

I would rather throw up than have sex because the idea of doing sexual things is so deeply distressing to me

I think this is a safe place to say that I find all the horny stuff not only repulsing on a bad day but also very boring and stale. When I see that someone leans heavily into sexual content and conversations I lose interest in that person. Because I doubt we have much in common. I don't understand sexual obsessions, it's not interesting to me. It's disappointing in a way.

the trauma/mental illness assumption. Basically sharing any facet about yourself people will at default assume it's an SA response. Which it can be, yeah. Weird thing to assume at default. I fall under the very intense end of the anattractional umbrella, and I have lived a lovely life nor am I mentally ill.

RE: https://www.tumblr.com/repulsed-confessions/821282004332134400/discussion-question-if-you-could-make-an-ideal?source=share

sick of acephobia from inside the asexual community. just because they can't imagine a healthy sexless relationship doesn't mean that every ace person now has to either compromise and provide sex whether they want to or not, or open the relationship

I was talking to a friend recently about dating aaand at one point I asked about the difference between FwB and a romantic relationship that is not as serious. The answer was alongs the lines of "Fwb is only friendship with sex and a romantic relationship is when you truly love that person" (if this was about "true love" then WHY do ppl date ppl they're not that interested in, assuming they weren't coerced) leading to me realizing I HATE THE PHRASING "Just friends" (again).