I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, what I mean is the way you're framing them isn't helpful. Is your aromanticism the reason you can't find a partner who accepts you or is the problem that people are too unaccepting of aromanticism? Is you aromanticism the reason you're scared you'll end up alone or is it because your friends choose to stop hanging out with you once they have romantic partners?

Are you scared and sad and lonely because you're aro or because we live in a deeply amatonormative society?

being on the other side is so heartbreaking bc this person wants something from you that you cant give them, and it feels horrible to tell them that and watch your friendship crumble because they yearn for something you cant even imagine and you feel like its your fault for hurting them.

If you happen to be aro and ace, you may have seen a new ace flag floating around. It look something like this:

NOTE: I had to significantly desaturate it to make this post accessible to photosensitive people! The original colours are very different but this is the general order of the stripes.

This was made by Instagram Black ace activist _aceingrace_ (see their profile here). The yellow stripe specifically stands for intersectionality and multiculturalism (plus joy), something that I think would be a nice addition to the aromantic flag (or any flag that doesn't have that, for that matter).

If you're wondering what was wrong with the original flag, it's the white stripe, which stood for "allosexual partners and allies", something that didn't sit right with many aces for obvious reasons.

Update: it seems that was not the case originally! Do check out the link someone kindly provided in the comments. Still, that is the Commonly Understood Meaning of the white stripe, for better or for worse.

Something similar is going on with the white stripe in the aro flag: it's defined as such:

the ‘platonic’ stripe - friendship/platonic and aesthetic attraction/queerplatonic relationships/family, the importance and validity of all non-romantic relationships and feelings and non-romantic forms of love etc.

That doesn't sit right with me as, without any shoutout specifying it's not a universal aro value and experience, it leaves aplatonic and loveless aros estranged from their own flag.

So I've made an attempt at a new aro flag. Here it is:

I wanted it to match the new ace flag so we finally have the same amount of stripes!

It is not meant to replace the original aro flag, but rather be displayed alongside it for those who find it meaningful.

I just need the community's feedback on what meanings to assign to each stripe! Please, if you're aro-spec, take a couple minutes to fill in the form.

If you're an ally please please please spread this around!

Tagging some blogs for reach, please ask if you'd like to be removed!

@aromanticofficial @aroworlds @aromantic-official @our-aro-experience @our-arospec-experience @our-aroace-experience @aroallo-culture-is-archive @arospecawarenessweek @aro-polls @aro-and-trans-thoughts @aroaceqoutes @alloaroworlds @aro-culture-is @aroapl @aro-positivity @aro-pride-stuff @loveless-aro-culture-is @lovequeerblog @lovequeers @aspecpplarebeautiful @aspecpolls @a-spec-unity-blog @a-spec-community-issues @a-spec-tacular @aroacesafeplaceforall @our-queer-experience @queer-polls

'Using this age old script of whiteness, ace and overall aspec communities weaponise the Mammy and the Jezebel against Black aces and aros, assuming and projecting sexuality onto us that we do not want, whilst also demonising the parts of sexuality we do want to take part in, directly or indirectly, alongside our romantic attractions, sensualities, QPRs and friendships. In online ace and aspec spaces, the white fear of Black sexuality is reborn with queer terminology in its right hand and a tumblr login on its left. Echoing James Baldwin’s words, the queer world still isn’t prepared to accept Black people yet and neither are the asexual or aromantic worlds either.'

'Eeriely, I now follow the very same path as Yasmin Benoit. An Asexual Jezebel, a somehow sexless sexual predator, who enforces Black sexual deviancy, the great harasser of innocent white children and the white sex repulsed, but also an Asexual Mammy, expected to serve her white counterparts endlessly, on demand, with no reward and no rest and a threat to white sexual normalcy and its sexual reproduction.'