hiya just having some complicated thoughts. iβm just kinda feeling a bit hopeless because iβm aro-alloβ¦ everyoneβs typically looking for romance, so i feel really gross for wanting a sexual relationship with someone. it feels like im so full on with sexual feelings but not many ever seems to reciprocate or bring me the same attention consistently?
also doesnβt help that i get very eager and emotionally attached whenever anyone shows me sexual attention, i want to be in a friends with benefits relationship but i fear i focus too hard on the βbenefitsβ partβ¦
Oh man... That's so frustrating, I completely understand. It's been a while since I updated this blog (I've decided to self-describe as gray-ace instead of demi), so while I'm not allo, I can still relate to how it feels to desire something that can be seen as so shallow in the eyes of others.
What I'm going to say may be things you already know, but I wish to express them anyway in support of you. Wanting a sexual relationship isn't gross, whether it's in the form of only physical fulfillment or a more emotional arrangement like FWBs. You know what you want, and communicating that makes you an honest person in the relationships that you create. This is a good thing, not a bad thing.
As for being eager and easily attached, I can relate to that too. I recently discovered that I had a squish (or crush?) on someone that I was planning to hook up with, and it completely threw me for a loop. Being in a friends with benefits relationship means that you need to be on the level with each other, with your needs and your hopes for what the time spent together will bring. I'm sorry to hear that you've been led on by mismatched attention. That doesn't mean the fault lies with you, okay?
If you're anything like me, the sex is part of what brings you emotional closeness and security with the people you're with. I'm sure it hurts like hell to feel like you're not wanted the same way they want you, especially since you're not interested in romance. I know it's hard, but whether you're with someone now or planning for the future, you need to lay all your cards on the table. If someone doesn't like it or doesn't understand, then it's their responsibility to tell you that it's not going to work out like that. Anything less is shitty.
I fully believe you can find someone who satisfies you both sexually and emotionally without the strings attached of romantic expectations! There are tons of people out there who want that, and you're not doomed to being sexless or forced into something you don't want.
Good luck!!!!!
