this post will be long and kind of a vent/rant (what's the difference??) so i'm gonna put it under the cut. typing this on my laptop bc my phone died so it'll be even longer bc i won't get frustrated trying to type on my dumb phone keyboard lmao
i don't understand how my sister has grown up to become a conservative catholic queerphobe when she was raised by my parents, a protestant and an atheist who are both relatively liberal and very much queer allies. how the fuck does that happen.
my dad has been saying "your future husband...or wife, i don't care" to me since i was like 10. my mom asked me once if i wanted to shave or wear makeup, and when i said no, she was like okay awesome, you don't have to do any of that to be a girl, you can look however you want and it doesn't say anything about you as a person other than just that's how you want to look. i'm not out to my family, i just give off very queer vibes that even straight people can notice, and my parents have taken that as a signal to be like "lol if you ever need to tell me anything, i'm here..." but mainly just let me live my life, and if it's relevant, they trust that i'll feel comfortable to tell them (still working on that one but that's a different post lmao).
so. all this being said. how has my 14 year old little sister ended up being so desperately hateful. i'm fucking shocked she hasn't moved on to fat shaming me, since she's basically insulted every other part of my identity, including identities i don't even have. she makes sure to call me a lesbian at every possible opportunity, in a way that implies that being a lesbian is wrong. the same way she calls me autistic as if that's bad. for the record i am neither a lesbian nor autistic (as far as i know? lmfao).
she has also found proof (old accounts of mine) that i'm queer and basically tried to weaponize outing me for shits and giggles. when i was dating my ex she was like "lol either you admit you're dating this guy or you admit you like women" which is an insane thing to say to the car with my entire family. my dad once made a joke about her being the "boy of the family" because she likes playing catch with my dad like little boys do in movies. she responded like "i'm not a boy, i'm not trans, [my name] probably is though". within earshot of me.
she also frequently intentionally misgenders other trans people, and she once told my dad she doesn't like gay and trans people. when he was rightfully shocked and asked for clarification, she said "i've never met a queer person i liked". which implies every queer person she knows has some sort of inherent shared quality other than their queerness, which isn't true, every queer person is different. so she does just hate them for being queer.
i don't know. i just don't understand why she insists so heavily on acting like my queerness is some sort of problem when my parents never raised her like that. i mean i do know why she does it. she's addicted to conformity and the fact that some people don't care about being the perfect blonde christian cishet white girl makes her uncomfortable. she doesn't like that i don't care about being the exact same as everyone else, and in fact, i actively do not want to be exactly the same as everyone else.
it's such a complex issue because like. i have a supportive family. i know when i come out, my family will love and accept me. i also know that i don't need the approval of an angsty middle school student in order to live my authentic life. but it sure makes me a lot more hesitant to come out to my whole family when i might have one person who lives under the same roof as me who will have some sort of problem with it. also, i don't want to have beef with my little sister. it's my responsibility to be a good older brother by showing her respect and being a good role model. however. she makes it really fucking difficult to play nice.
i don't really know why i'm making this post. i sort of just wanted to talk and here i am. idk if anybody will read it but it feels good to put my thoughts out there
