Maybe I should ask doctor Phil..

why am i a college student and not a cat that lives in an antique shop

i think whoever invented the spelling of “naur” as the australian pronunciation of “no” is the most influential and important voices of our generation 

so seductive

THIS GETS ME EVERY FUCKING TIME

LMAO 😂

this is a feature film. where are the awards??

I love this lmfao 😂😂 and why is he running with the baby when he could've gotten back in the car?? 😂

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

This is so important

“you are a lawyer and he is a hamster” is one of the funniest statements ive ever had the pleasure of reading

Speaking of lack of use… Guys, please reblog stuff. That is how this website works - unlike something like instagram, which has all sorts of metrics that influence how a post disseminates based on likes, the only way for someone to see a post here on tumblr, other than from the tags, is if someone else reblogs it. Not just in an “it helps the artist” way (although that too), but in a, “this participation is how we keep this website alive” way. Likes make the poster feel good (do them too, if you want!), but the great thing about Tumblr is that is it not (is less?) beholden to those algorithmic metrics that ru(i)n all the other sites, and the only way we have that is because we reblog posts, so tumblr doesn’t have to do it.

#a good way to keep a website from dying is to not ban what a lot of people are therefor anyways#-cough- tumblr porn ban -cough-#because with it gone there went all the character blogs story writers etc.#because the tos became so touchy that it wasn’t worth it#and a lot of them followed nsfw/adult creators and so when those creators were forced to migrate#they just did the same thing#and never trust a company or website when they say ‘but LGBT+ content won’t be banned in this!!’ becuase it almost always is

tumblr and their 20 users

they went to twitter to say this they didnt even bother with it here

ppl forget the innocence of the elderly… if there was ever a glimpse of them as a child, this is it

@yanderrre you can just go to galaxylight.com or if you dont feel like typing: shorturl.link/galaxy

i’m the most provocative and unique bitch in this Aldi ...

The rat said this

That's Mr. Splinters

Spending a nice 5 minutes in the Despair Pod before a union-busting robot physically pulls me out

unionising employees get sent to the mindfulness booth to atone for their sins

THATS. THE SIZE OF MY SHOWER OH MY GOD

Quiplash is the greatest game ever made because it allows for things like this and you can’t change my mind.

Top tier answers here

Individualism cant make you happy. You’re meant to take care of the people around you. Your brain wiring wants you to be a hunter gatherer looking after your tribe and those you love. We’re supposed to live for one another. It sounds trite but its the truth.