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@swordarmsaxelegs

It's our first date. Things have been going great. We're both hungry. We start walking around looking for somewhere to eat. We stumble into a Taco Bell. It's 4 in the morning. This is the only restaurant in a 26 mile radius, but it's cool because we both love Taco Bell. I order 2 beef burritos because I want you to think I'm adventurous. I offer to pay for your food, but you insist on covering your own order. You order the quesadilla. 37 minutes pass. We have not received our food. I ask the clerk when our orders will be ready. It's at that moment that he turns around and I see it. This man is actually a broom. In shock and confusion I glance over at you. I notice something I hadn't before. I look closer. You've been a mop this entire time. The fool that I am I hadn't noticed. I see that look in your eyes. It's the same look we shared 4 years ago when our romance first began. It's love at first site. What else could I expect, you're a mop, he's a broom, and I, well I'm just a lowly spec of dust waiting to be wiped from these floors of this Mucho Burrito by the love you'll never give me. The two of you start making passionate love on the countertop. I'm still waiting for my beef burritos.

163.8K posts

darkseid-deactivated20190806

so some local comic book shop accidentally had a shitload of anime girl…. tapestries (I guess?) printed and was desperate to get rid of them so now the cat shelter we go to uses them as cat blankets and it leads to many a funny sight

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Erotic point-and-click adventure game, except it's in the classic Sierra mode, so instead of just saying "I can't use this" or "that doesn't go there" every time you try an invalid item combination, many invalid combinations trigger unique death scenes. There's an achievement for finding five different ways to make your penis explode.

And – this is key – there must be a snarky narrator who reacts to every single death scene by playing it off with a stupid joke or pun which almost but not quite succeeds in concealing the fact that they're kind of into it.

The narrator's barely concealed snuff kink somehow ends up being material to a puzzle solution in the third act.

this from the guy who wrote the sting pain index, a scale he constructed after letting himself be stung by insects

“why did i start this list” pleaseeeeeee this is so funny

his descriptions were extremely on-point, and frankly inspiring when writing a hurt/comfort scene

Instagram poets could never!

For those who want it, here is the entire list:

Anyways, dude's 1,000% a huge masochist. Nobody just describes pain like this unless they're enjoying it.

onehundredandtwentyfour

need to become a guy who exclusively does evil commissions. like this

WILL DRAW ✓ mecha ✓ gore ✓ furry ✓ nsfw

WILL NOT DRAW X ocs X fanart X simple backgrounds

great question and I'm glad you asked. in this case I would only draw:

real people, places, or objects

art of media that neither of us are really a fan of

unoriginal characters

RPG where the player character has preset male and female options but the female option is fully clothed, tall, and stern as hell, and the male option is petite, wide-eyed, and clad in booty shorts.

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planet-motherfucker

pitch for my new tarot card “Do Not Panic”

A tenured professor at UCI University, Dr Tiffany Willoughby-Herard speaking during her arrest for protesting the war on Gaza last night made stark observations about where tax payers money is going as she stood by her students as they protested against their university’s complicity in Israel’s genocide on Gaza, demanding divestment. They were confronted with law enforcement aggression and arrests.

mettaworldpiece

On May 15, 2024, several hundred heavily armed police were called in to break up a peaceful encampment at UC Irvine in solidarity with the p

She showed up for her students now I’m asking you to show up for Dr. Willoughby Herard. This is the professor I researched under during postgrad, who guided me to precolonial African gender and family structures and an impactful researcher of Black and World history in her own right. There is no way to meet her and speak with her and not find yourself to do more and to be more. Pls also understand that UCI loves to play hard but crumbles when the repression and censorship it attempts rises to an external level, the Orange Curtain (oc) loves its veil of supremacy. Pls sign and share with others who move for a truly and fully free Palestine and for the global liberation of all Black ppl

very funny bit happening in the replies

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is a pickle still a vegetable or is it something different. kind of like how a wallet isnt an animal anymore

it does suck that the government defunded PBS but it's also so fucking funny that now that they don't take uncle sam's slavery dollars they're running videos like "How america's foundation was built on genocide"

no more being polite about it fuck the USA

crustacean-menace

Homework lady: "My dog is barking! 🙂"

The dog:

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

most-sane-classicist

reblog if you're also lame and weird.

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

put in an early endorsement: Rock in the Shoe for OpenMW

why-i-love-comics

Marvel Swimsuit Special: Brand New Beach Day #1 (2026)

pin-up by Dan Panosian

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