The Infinite Realms is a very little understood place by magic users.
It is the medium through which travel to and from the World of the Dead to the World of the Living must go; they cannot just teleport from one to the other.
But those who are not denizens of it cannot perceive it.
As far as any magic user is concerned, the Space Between Spaces is just a black, empty void, and the only way to cross through it is to make a Bridge.
On that bridge they will face Shades of their loves ones trying to drag them off of it.
The construction of the Bridge is no matter, as it's made of magic anyways, but the existence of that Bridge is beyond important; if the magic user loses sight of the bridge, or if a spirit trying to get to the World of the Dead loses sight of their way, then both can fall into the abyss and be forever lost.
Danny, having heard this story multiple times from ghosts with only the barest memories of who they'd been or how they got to the Infinite Realms, decides to build permanent, visible way stations for travelers.
It can't be made out of Realms material, or the travelers won't see it.
It can't be purely made out of normal construction either, or the Spirits won't be able to touch it.
He asks around, finds out where most of the bridges get made, and brainstorms with his parents.
Naturally, once Jack and Maddie Fenton are brought in on it, they go a bit overboard.
In the end, the situation evolves like this;
There are now waystations that look like incredibly creepy restaurants from a certain chain floating in the middle of nowhere to travelers, complete with desolate and empty parking lots.
Those waystations are manned by Liminal People from Amity Park, who are paid by the hour.
The Observants now both hate and fear Danny's parents in equal measure, and will not interfere with this.
All of those waystations are owned by Waffle House, and all of them have fully operational menus for both the living and the dead.
Danny's family now has a part of Waffle House's stocks, and his parents are now also trying to make terrifying kitchen implements for their new business buddies.
The Waffle House Index for these stores has been altered from
Weather to Ghost Attacks and/or attempted mass summonings for world domination.
There are now random doors in Amity that have been rigged to open straight to those restaurants.
The Infinite Realms Waffle Houses are a popular spot for Amity Park Liminal teens to get jobs and meet up.
So when Constantine loses sight of his Bridge as he's trying to get from the World of the Living to the World of the Dead, he's a little surprised to land in the parking lot of the notorious Waffle House.
And.
Well.
He is rather hungry, and the read he gets from this place is that it's not a trick.
He goes inside.
It's empty, but it doesn't feel like it is. The luminescent lights are a more faded green than yellow, humming ominously overhead. While the Medium is a black abyss full of nothing, once he's inside the restaurant, through the windows it's a swirling mass of greens and purples, full of doors and stairs that both appear from nowhere and go to nowhere.
There's an incredibly cursed teenager at the grill.
"Thank you for choosing Waffle House, my name is Wes; please have a seat and I'll be with you in a moment."
Okay but how bad does the ghost attack/ summoning have to be for the Realm's Waffle House to close? At what point are they operating on a limited menu?
The Waffle House Index is shown by the color of their Signs
Green Sign means Business as Usual
Yellow Sign means Limited Menu
And Red Sign means Completely Closed.
This is usually used for Hurricane or general Weather related problems that may impact the Waffle Houses ability to serve customers.
There is a 2nd set of Signs tho
Green, not to be confused with Green, means Ecto Entity on the Loose
Purple is meant for another Dimension, or the Realms themselves, encroaching on Reality
And of course, Red is the same on both. But while in the normal case it's reserved for extreme Hurricanes, in this case it's referring to God Like Entities on the level of Ancients of Abive trying to destroy the reality of origin.
.....okay but consider? No one in their right mind, even at Waffle House HQ? Would sell THE FENTON'S a franchise. To be put in *reads notes* "definitely maybe not hell"/"we were told limbo? Kinda?"
So like... thwarted right? HA! Have you MET them? Fuck no! The Fentons DARE TO DREAM, kiddo!
No, no, see... what THEY have? Is the TOTALLY (and legally distinct!) WAFFFLE HOUSE~☆! The THIRD "F" means it's different! Dispite being... you know... basicly identical >.> and HEY :D NOW they can put Fenton Tech in it! (Oh No)
The trick? Is the third F is never lit up. But! Still technically there! Yeeeep.
WAFF LE House, home of delicious, Fenton brand, waffles! :D
You can trust us!
(W-why do they feel the need to specify that? WHY DID THEY PUT THAT ON THE SIGN?!)
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Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
And this is when Lex Luthor decides he can't just sick supervillains on WE in revenge for having to adopt similar policies to compete, as it could get traced back to him and WE has the money to make it stick.
Also, every single one gets caught by Batman almost immediately. Red Robin releases a statement thanking Luther for sending them gift wrapped criminals. They've been trying to track down these villains for ages!
Wayne Enterprises adds a Villain Rehabilitation department (non-Gotham Villains require special trauma treatment just from encountering Gotham civilians IRL. Arkham is reserved for Gotham-level "Extra"). The department is not made to make money. It is not structured to take in any outside funding. There are no stocks, shares, and absolutely no sales. It is ONLY meant to be a service and SPEND money.
It turns profit away. HOW??? Bruce Wayne is tearing out his hair.
(On the other hand, non-Gotham Villains are surprisingly responsive to standard psychological treatment. None of the therapists have gone villainous either. Yet the same methods generate a new supervillain every month in Gotham. Maybe Bruce can create a research department to investigate this…how many millions can he put into that?)
Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
TV Show Host: Welcome back to MoneyTalk, I'm here with Bruce Wayne, Owner of Wayne Enterprises and, as many of you know, the richest businessman on Earth. So, Bruce, tell us - what's your secret?
Bruce: I don't know.
TV Show Host: Oh don't be coy--
Bruce: No, I seriously don't know. I GENUINELY don't. I was actually hoping for some advice? I can't seem to get rid of my money.
TV Show Host: '...Get rid of'?
Bruce: I've tried raising salaries, investing in infrastructure, forcing green initiatives, donating to charities, paying extra taxes--
TV Show Host: "........Extra" taxes??
Bruce: --doing giveaways, setting up trust funds, naming multiple inheritors--
TV Show Host: I'm sorry, can we back up a bit? I think I've lost the thread of this conversation...
Bruce: Listen, I made a bet with a reporter from the Daily Planet ten years ago that I could legally get my net worth down under one billion,
TV Show Host: That's... a very cute joke, Mr Wayne, I,
Bruce: --and the deadline is COMING UP in a few MONTHS,
TV Show Host: what
Bruce: --And not only am I not even CLOSE, I'm still in the GODDAMN TRILLION Range--
TV Show Host: oh dear god he's not joking.
Bruce: I keep shoveling money out the door and it keeps showing back up inside!
Bruce: I've updated EVERY public building in Gotham but THAT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE A DENT in my SALARY--
Bruce: I dumped money into R&D but my company ACCIDENTALLY INVENTED TECH THAT'S NOW TURNING A PROFIT--
Bruce, grabbing the mic: I WANTED TO BUY THE JUSTICE LEAGUE AN INTERSTELLAR BASE ON MARS BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET ME
[The tv crawl at the bottom of the screen reads: Wayne Enterprises stock rises 13%]
Bruce: WHAT'S A GUY GOTTA DO TO LOSE MONEY AROUND HERE
TV Show Host: Perhaps we could sit down,
Bruce: I'D SAY SOMEONE SHOULD TRY TO ROB MY ACCOUNT BUT I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT MY INSURANCE WOULD PROBABLY COVER IT BECAUSE LAST YEAR I TRIED TO PAY OFF THE JOKER TO TAKE A VACATION, AND THE NEXT TIME HE GOT ARRESTED, ARKHAM REFUNDED THE MONEY,
TV Show Host: Sir, please,
Bruce: --ACTUALLY, LET'S TRY IT! WHAT'VE I GOT TO LOSE, A COUPLE TRILLION?
Bruce: ALRIGHT GUYS LISTEN UP, MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 555-
[Screen goes blue]
["Apologies, we are experiencing technical difficulties; MoneyTalk will be back on air shortly"]
Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
I feel like Bruce keeps doing this in more and more creative ways and it keeps backfiring on him.
Like, he decides to buy some politicians and lobbyists (it's legal in the States if you do it right) so that they can push forward stuff that he's interested in, like free college and childcare for all Americans. It costs a lot of money, but a good % of the political donations are tax-deductible, and somehow these bills going through means more business for WE. Possibly some of his existing brands going national?
Bruce donates heavily to museums, art galleries, educational facilities, and so on, both in Gotham and around the country. A bunch of places flat-out have whole buildings or wings named after him. He's still coming out ahead somehow.
Bruce is pouring millions of dollars into medical research. Still comes back to bite him in the ass because WE is heavily involved in the medical field.
Bruce goes "fuck it" and goes into space stuff hardcore? He invests in new tech and is a major backer of the first colony on the moon. It's a terrible money sink until it starts bringing in a ton of $$.
Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
TV Show Host: Welcome back to MoneyTalk, I'm here with Bruce Wayne, Owner of Wayne Enterprises and, as many of you know, the richest businessman on Earth. So, Bruce, tell us - what's your secret?
Bruce: I don't know.
TV Show Host: Oh don't be coy--
Bruce: No, I seriously don't know. I GENUINELY don't. I was actually hoping for some advice? I can't seem to get rid of my money.
TV Show Host: '...Get rid of'?
Bruce: I've tried raising salaries, investing in infrastructure, forcing green initiatives, donating to charities, paying extra taxes--
TV Show Host: "........Extra" taxes??
Bruce: --doing giveaways, setting up trust funds, naming multiple inheritors--
TV Show Host: I'm sorry, can we back up a bit? I think I've lost the thread of this conversation...
Bruce: Listen, I made a bet with a reporter from the Daily Planet ten years ago that I could legally get my net worth down under one billion,
TV Show Host: That's... a very cute joke, Mr Wayne, I,
Bruce: --and the deadline is COMING UP in a few MONTHS,
TV Show Host: what
Bruce: --And not only am I not even CLOSE, I'm still in the GODDAMN TRILLION Range--
TV Show Host: oh dear god he's not joking.
Bruce: I keep shoveling money out the door and it keeps showing back up inside!
Bruce: I've updated EVERY public building in Gotham but THAT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE A DENT in my SALARY--
Bruce: I dumped money into R&D but my company ACCIDENTALLY INVENTED TECH THAT'S NOW TURNING A PROFIT--
Bruce, grabbing the mic: I WANTED TO BUY THE JUSTICE LEAGUE AN INTERSTELLAR BASE ON MARS BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET ME
[The tv crawl at the bottom of the screen reads: Wayne Enterprises stock rises 13%]
Bruce: WHAT'S A GUY GOTTA DO TO LOSE MONEY AROUND HERE
TV Show Host: Perhaps we could sit down,
Bruce: I'D SAY SOMEONE SHOULD TRY TO ROB MY ACCOUNT BUT I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT MY INSURANCE WOULD PROBABLY COVER IT BECAUSE LAST YEAR I TRIED TO PAY OFF THE JOKER TO TAKE A VACATION, AND THE NEXT TIME HE GOT ARRESTED, ARKHAM REFUNDED THE MONEY,
TV Show Host: Sir, please,
Bruce: --ACTUALLY, LET'S TRY IT! WHAT'VE I GOT TO LOSE, A COUPLE TRILLION?
Bruce: ALRIGHT GUYS LISTEN UP, MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 555-
[Screen goes blue]
["Apologies, we are experiencing technical difficulties; MoneyTalk will be back on air shortly"]
near the deadline of the bet, Gotham was suddenly hit by the Money Man, a maniac supervillain who literally throw money around while cackling like a madman, who could be the person behind this mysterious mask, and where is Batman in all of this?
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Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.
He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.
Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.
But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.
Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.
Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.
So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?
Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.
Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.
Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.
Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.
Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.
Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.
But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?
Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.
Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.
So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.
Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.
At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.
The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.
Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.
All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.
I'm now imagining Batman finally breaking down and admitting all of this to Clark in desperation, hoping that his friend can somehow have some insight into how to keep the Wayne fortune from continuing to grow unabated. Clark is initially skeptical, but hey, this could totally be a potential story for the Planet, and he loves investigative journalism, so he tips off Lois and they start researching whether it's truly impossible for Bruce Wayne to lose money.
Meanwhile, Batman has the 'brilliant' idea to just buy up a film studio and not engage in Hollywood accounting chicanery. But he's uninterested in meddling with the production of films, and the public flocks to movies unburdened by executives demanding 'surprise twists' that don't make sense and testing everything with a dozen focus groups before release. Batman is at his wits end when Clark shows up and announces that he's figured it all out, the one way Bruce Wayne can actually spend his fortune without ending up even weallthier.
All he has to do is fund supercolliders to produce and contain indefinitely a single gram of antimatter. And thanks to all of Wayne Industries' green energy projects, that's possible to do without causing massive pollution now, but it still would cost trillions of dollars for something of little to no practical use outside of science. (Using it to power a probe to another star is still science, but also kinda silly when Superman could just fly there even faster.)
Bruce (carefully folding report on "WayneSpaceSuperFountain" "Oh, hey, Kent. I'm glad you could drop by."
Clark (Confused as HECK by BRUCE wanting to talk to HIM- again) "It's no problem, Mister Wayne. Feel like another interview?"
Bruce (Smiles his absolute VACUUM headest smile): "Sort of. In reverse. You grew up around farmers, right? -Can I call you Clark? Just for now?"
Clark (Well, duh) "That's correct, yes. And sure thing, ah, Bruce."
Bruce (Whose baby blues are now hard as sapphires): "How- and be honest with me- how do I help farmers to NOT BE POOR?"
Clark (Total bluescreen) "Um. I, um. I'm not sure. What do you mean, exactly?"
Bruce (Carefully folding the WSSF report into quite a decent origami cow): "I can't give them money. And I mustn't loan them money. How do I help them not be poor?"
Danny is on the run, having to abandon Amity park and everyone he knows. Luckily, Sam, Tucker and him made plans for this, Sam put some money aside and set up safe houses, Tucker forged him a new identity and a paper trail and Danny closed down the portal permanently.
So no more Daniel Fenton, Danyal Nightingale was on his way to Gotham with the bare necessities and an untraceable backstory.
The only issue, is the Wayne’s keep mistaking him for their youngest member, Damian. By the time he drilled it into their heads he wasn’t Damian, they still won’t leave him alone, asking all sorts of invasive questions they aren’t even being as subtle as they thing they are.
AU in which Damian had a twin brother named Danyal who died when they were 5. Danny isn’t that twin, but he looks a little too much like Damian for the batfam to believe him and his ecto corrupted his DNA beyond recognition so he can’t even prove it. Add to that he has a paper trail that the bats recognize as forged, a good forgery, but a forgery non the less. Daniel Fenton has been wiped from all digital record, and all paper records thanks to Desiree. It looks like Damian’s record, raised cut off from the world without a paper trail and having to build one up from nothing. To the bats it seems like Danyal death was faked and grew up separated from Damian in another base, but somehow escaped the assassin life given he seems to have forgotten his league training.
Danny would eventually snap and just stare at them.
“What is it you think you know about me? Huh! You are not being subtle so get it out and then Fuck off!”
He glared at them, with his back straight and arms crossed. Looking eerily like Damian when he was angry. The difference was in his eye and posture. He was ready to avoid and evade not attack. His eyes tracking their subtle movements to ensure he wouldn’t be attacked.
Damian breathed out harshly and nodded.
“ I. Had a twin called Danyal. He was killed when we were 5. Or, I thought he was. but… You look just like me. Like him. ”
Danny ran a hand down his face.
“Oh for Fuck sakes. No. I’m not your twin. I had to run away from my parents because they tried to kill me. They have government sponsors. So going to the police would have ended badly. Now would you leave me alone?”
The group all looked to Cass who nodded. So, he at least believed he was telling the truth. But the lack of previous identity was exceptionally hard to manage. There was no way a teen without help could manage that.
Bruce cleared his throat.
“ How can you be sure you weren’t adopted?”
Danny groaned in disbelief.
“You don’t believe me. Or, well, you think you know the truth. And don’t want to believe you’re wrong. You want me to be your Danyal. But! Even if I was. I don’t have those memories. And I don’t have any attachment to you. Why would I care? ”
That took them all back a bit. It was Dick who tried next.
“Would you not want to get to know us?”
Danny just scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“ why would I? You’ve been harassing me for no good reason? Digging into my past? Asking intrusive questions that have nothing to do with any of you? Why would I put myself into a situation where I had to live with that at any point? Now. I’ve indulged your curiosity. Leave. ”
They could see the way his body moved as if readying for a fight to break out. They backed off. Damian the least willing. He stared, and could see Danyal would not be moved. So he left a card with his phone number on the side table.
Danny sighed as they finally left. Fuck him! He was gonna have to move wasn’t he? Shit where else was safe? At least he could use the secured site to talk to Sam and Tucker. They’d have ideas right?
In the cave the family were… Dejected for lack of a better word.
Bruce: He doesn’t believe us.
Dick: And seems… Wary? Of us?
Jason just snorted. And shrugged. He could understand the kid.
“Well yeah. His parents, the ones he knew anyways tried to kill him. I wouldn’t trust anyone either dumbass”
Cass just nodded and pointed to Jason signalling he was right.
Damian was in the corner brooding up a storm. Maybe.. Maybe he was wrong? He, could ring Talia? No, that might put him in danger. Tim was at the computer still trying to find any trace of a previous identity. But could find nothing. He slammed his coffee back and twirled around to speak.
“Ok! So! Few options. One! He is Danyal Al Ghul, but lost all his memories and was adopted by less than stellar adults! ”
He pulled out a board and started to make a list.
“Two! He is somehow a clone that was just raised by those parents for mad science reasons! Or three! He’s telling the truth and just happens to look eerily like Damian!”
Bruce rubbed at his temples trying to get rid of his headache.
“ Even if it is option three we should still help him!”
Jason just booed him, before sitting up a bit.
“Nah. He’s what 16? 17? Ya gotta earn his trust. And you’ve already fucked up by being pushy fucks. If he’s had parents he loved and trusted and they’ve tried to kill him. He ain’t gonna trust another adult. And Damian wants him to be his Danyal. Which this Danyal can sense. So he’s out. Cass he won’t trust cause she sees too much. Dick he blew up at massively. Me? Nope. Tim and Steph are the best bet. And let’s be real, it’s Steph who would work best. But she won’t want to ruin the show. And she’ll respect that he told y'all to Fuck off. So. Tim it is! Duke won’t work cause he can’t lie for shit yet. Bless! ”
Tim grimaced a bit at that outline. Thought it over and then groaned.
“No! No! I refuse! I’m not doing that shit to him. Cause I get the feeling if I did, and the rest of you fucked it up? He’d never trust me again.”
Cass hummed for a second, clearly thinking and then nodded.
Dick slumped a bit in his seat.
“ But! He needs help! ”
Cass snorted and shook her head.
Tim leaned over to give her a high five.
“Yeah about that. He clearly had help setting up. That ID? Been around since before it was in use. It owns houses in several cities? And has money. Like, a decent amount. He can afford college and a gap year kinda money. He does not need help. You want him to. Because then he has to give in. ”
Alfred cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.
“Perhaps. In this case. It would be wiser to leave the young man alone? While I dislike the thought of it. Well. He knows where we are of he needs us. Pushing too far will lead to him running. ”
how would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and find out exactly 100 of the world’s richest people died of heart attacks at exactly noon universal time. can you imagine the theories. light is absolutely a loser for not doing this
[ID: Reply from elumind that says: “Do the richest one every week and see next in line lose their shit and try to get rid of the money. I think of this almost daily.” /end ID.]
The notes on this are wild because people are legit passionately arguing about why this wouldn’t work. No one said it would work. They said he’s a loser for not doing it.
The first one stands up and draws a massive A on the nearest wall before dropping dead.
Exactly one week later, Thursday at 3:13 PM, the next one looks up, blank-faced, and uses a car key to scratch the word ‘CAMEL’ into the side of their car. There are memes.
The week after that, in the middle of an interview, the third victim turns to the camera and says ‘THROUGH.’ He drops dead.
The man who writes “EYE” is in a private underground bunker. Enough radiation shielding to survive a direct nuclear strike. There are fifteen guards posted at the door- surveillance confirms not one of them left their post.
By the time “NEEDLE” is scratched into the upholstery of a private yacht, people are starting to give money away.
Like most of us I’ve thought extensively on this since I first saw Death Note and came to the conclusion that the most likely reaction would be people creating more byzantine ways of keeping hold of their resources while not technically counting them as personal resources and not technically being so rich. With enough shell companies, fake charities, and resources stashed in secret or illegal places or the bank accounts of relatives, people could keep most of what they have while dropping right off any list of wealthiest people. The wealthy are often experts at this for tax fraud reasons. Light’s response, of course, would be to start taking these things into account, seeking out hackers and accountants and various other experts to keep track of the actual wealthiest, and the wealthy (many of whom would be willing to risk their lives to stay that way) would use the dying as a metric for what the mysterious killer was using to score wealth and try to find ever more secret methods of resource hoarding. An accountancy arms race would be underway.
I’m not saying it’s a bad idea. I’m saying it would make a fantastic Death Note rewrite. Instead of Light making stupid mistakes against L, he could actually put his genius to work in Death Note: The Accountancy Wars.
hilarious how grace is wandering around that aircraft carrier thinking i'm just a guy. meanwhile his security clearance is technically on the same level as the actual eva stratt herself
#phm#in the book he's like#'my office is technically a storage closet. they're gonna kick me out of here when we resupply. i'm about as important as toilet paper.'#man you live on a boat. how many other people on the boat have an office at all.#you're the guy who looks at the paperwork and signs shit that's not worth bothering stratt over#which you can choose to interpret as either not very important or VERY IMPORTANT INDEED.#you're the guy who says 'yeah i think this plan is scientifically feasible'#to which stratt says 'okay my pet scientist says it'll work‚ let's go ahead and pave the sahara.'
Grace: wow what a crazy plan that would take an absurd amount of power to accomplish and have far-reaching impacts "yeah it's feasible, i'd go with it"
Stratt: "alright, you heard him, do it"
Grace: waow she has so much power to just decide that. that's wild. glad i don't decisions. i wonder why she keeps bringing me to these
hilarious how grace is wandering around that aircraft carrier thinking i'm just a guy. meanwhile his security clearance is technically on the same level as the actual eva stratt herself
Btw the crew thinks Grace and Stratt are fucking in the book. Also yes. He is the second highest position in the project. This would be useful if he wasn’t also just a guy. So he can just wander around wherever he wants basically. This is doomed straight people.
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I think it would be funny if most of Grace's eridian students went to him and asked for earth pronoun designations instead of picking for themselves, because they think it's cool to get word-gifts from the coolest teacher in the galaxy
and grace is trying so hard to not accidentally be sexist or assign gender roles to a monogendered species, so like, trying hard not to call someone he/him just because they like sports, or she/her just because they seem caring, or whatever. and he's having a hard time about it because he's like oh man why am I assigning the pronouns I'm assigning, i hope I'm not bringing any of my biases into this. just absolutely eating himself up over it
he tries to fix this by starting to roll a die, or throw darts at a dartboard, but his students immediately throw a fit because the point of the word-gifts is that they are specific, picked deliberately for them, right? and grace tries to explain gender bias and so on, but it becomes clear these kids could genuinely not give less of a shit, they just want to know what their AGAG (assigned gender at grace) is, alright? why is this so hard for him to understand??
eventually grace comes to the conclusion that he's on a different planet, and severely overthinking this, and that his kids really just are having fun--they really don't see the grace-given pronouns as categorization, he figures they see them as something more akin to astrology. or an eridian tiktok trend. when grace learns they call the assigning a word-gift he probably cries tbh
Do Eridians know they are different colours. I bet Grace's alien kids love finding out what colour they are. It means absolutely nothing to them but they're like :O :O
Some of them think he's making this whole 'colour' thing up to mess with them and try to catch him out by asking again on a different day to prove he's just saying random noises but he's like you are still blue buddy and they're like :O :O
Like if we met an alien species who had extra senses & they said that some humans felt spingly and some humans felt spoingly I bet we'd all want to know if we were spingly or spoingly humans
And he can absolutely explain the scientific theory of it all...
"Okay, the form of radiation you guys perceive as heat is part of a spectrum, some of which I can see as light. When the light hits you, some of it is reflected off and it goes into my eyes, allowing me to see where you are and what shape you are, a bit like how your echolocation bounces off things and goes into your hearing organs to tell you what's around you.
But if I showed you a ball made of solid metal, and an inflated rubber ball full of air, you could still tell which was which, even if they were the same size and shape, because the reflection of sound off them is different. The types of light reflected off different objects is also different. Some of them absorb a lot of light, and some of them reflect a lot. The types of electromagnetic radiation it absorbs and reflects determine what I perceive as its colour.
But here's the crazy part: Sometimes two objects are made of the same material but give off entirely different frequencies of light, so they're different colours to me! And sometimes two objects are made of entirely different stuff, but they look the same colour! And Eridians reflect all different kinds of electromagnetic waves, so you all look different colours! Scott, you look the same colour as the ocean on Earth to me. Emily, you're the same colour as outer space. Naomi, you're more like untarnished copper..."
The kids are all going WILD because WHAT? What do you MEAN this weird radiation bounces off one person completely differently to how it bounces off another one? How can Scott look like they're made of water?? Emily is very confused, outer space is mostly made of nothing? Does this mean Mr Grace can't see Emily??? What???
Everyone knows the first day of Friend Grace’s class is nickname day. It’s the day when every pebble is on their best behavior to try and make sure they get a cool nickname, something unique that they can brag to their friends and classmates about.
Sometimes, Grace will do it without thinking. That’s how Kiddo and Buddy got their nicknames. Often, Grace will nickname students after their coloration. Gaia got his nickname because he’s blue and green, and apparently looks a lot like Earth. Violet got hers because she’s purple. (She was initially disappointed since color means nothing to Eridians, but then Friend Grace showed them violet flowers and said that humans often associated purple with wealth and royalty, and she changed her tune.) Most of the time, Grace will give his students what he calls “regular human names” like Abby, Carl, or Martin.
But the most coveted nicknames are ones named after Earthen creatures. When ♩♪♬ 🎵 ♩♪♬ 🎵 first introduced themselves, Friend Grace immediately perked up and shouted “Robin!” After a bit of explaining himself and a few videos of bird calls, Robin was trilling and chirping happily, excited at having a nickname that felt like a 1-to-1 translation of their own.
Even well after Friend Grace is gone, his legacy remains. A hundred years into the future, when humankind finally launches a new ship with the express purpose of properly meeting their Eridian neighbors, one of the first messages exchanged is “Hello! My name Robin.”
If the SITH can do fucked up Force rituals etc? Why can't the JEDI do NON-fucked up GOOD Rituals?
Likely Answer‽ There is NO REASON they can't!
Except that it's probably: a long term and difficult field of study, not necessarily as powerful (Riping and stealing at the Force like Dark rituals do DOES take more, at the cost of hurting everything around you and yourself. The difference between picking a fruit and harvesting the whole damn tree down to its roots. With equivalent short sightedness implied), and it's slooooow.
People need help NOW! We need to go, go, GO! Are being rushed! We don't have TIME for that old fashioned, fringe field of study! That was *grimacing so-so motion* even back in the day! (A lot of our cultures and lineages veiw the concept of Rituals as either Dark adjacent or a bit... nonsensical. It's just focused meditation with extra steps, isn't it? Why FUSS like that?)
So like? The data pads are still THERE. But it's mostly for academic interest? Cause they're old, dry as dust, and it's like studying any other science. But with abstract Fource theories, dense theological papers, near dead languages, and? The occasional holocron that won't shut up. Just lecture and lectures and LECTURES. (Stars, it never STOPPED.)
Which means most people who go "oh? That sound neat." Come back like two days later going "I was SO WRONG. Never again!"
Except!
I present o/~☆ My humble child. The OC. We shall call her Aca, from Academic. (Subject to change if any of ya'll got something better)
Aca? She gets the Reincarnation special. Force power go BRRRRR. And she can FEEL it in her SOUL. The universe... is licking the inside of her brain. She tastes stardust and colors. Big. Everything so big. We are connected and infinite and forever and One and atoms and Light and LIGHT AND LIGHT AN-
She is brought to the Temple. Cause yeah, no hiding THAT. It's a whole thing.
Does she remember it? Fuck no. She was BLASTED on the Force. Having HERSELF a fancy little "I see the face of God. Behold the universe and it is me. I am it. The Song goes on forever." Moment of Spiritual enlightenment. Cause like... wouldn't you? First Reincarnation is proven to DEFINITELY be a thing. The you, a previously Force Null individual, suddenly get snapped into the great network of EVERYTHING.
It VERY MUCH is like meeting God. And KNOWING that "God", this new God, is unknowable and endless... but loves you. It's love in incomprehensible. You are PART of this God. You ARE this God. But you are seperate and yourself. The universe is shining. Endless. Beautiful and terrible and kind and suffering and-? Awe. Truest to it's definition. How great, terrible, and magnificent this God.
You love it instantly. Irreconcilably and irreversibly. So absolute it almost scares you.
So like... ffffuck the Sith.
No. Seriously. Out an airlock. The near rabid "you Hurt the Force? Oh! Oh INTO the lava! Into the lava 1000 years!!!" Feral energy. It consumes you. Consumes Ava. It's like someone daring to punch wobbly little baby animals and set kindergartens on fire in front of you. Tear down ancient forests to build parking lots. Dump radioactive sludge in the town well for funsies.
You... you HURT the Force?
I HURT YOU. You ABSOLUTE [REDACTED BY JEDI CRECHE MASTERS]!!!
Obviously, Ava worries her Creche Masters. It's not hate. But this level of anger? Is not good for her. Destabilizing. And of course, there are those holy then thou "she's to angry to be a jedi! How dare small children not have perfect control of their emotions yet!" Crowd.
The Creche Masters do NOT demand said crowd meet them in the pit. Because they are JEDI and teachers. They must set GOOD examples for the younglings. (Even though they really, REALLY want to.)
Ava gets Healthy Outlets. EXTRA meditation time and special "let's talk about our Big Emotions with Master Healer So-n-So" walks in various soothing gardens/places. She? Is an adult. She knows exactly what this is. But... damn if it isn't helping, you know?
Cause like? They may not BELIEVE she's actually reincarnated? But they'll totally believe she REMEMBERS an adults full lifespan. And what's the functional difference? To them? It's just the unifying force. Some younglings get visions, some attract animals, and sometimes their barriers are bad enough at birth they get confused. Possess "memories" not their own.
Perhaps this "past self" was simply just a soul that died at that location at some point. Or perhaps, similar to a vision, the child looked BACKWARDS in time by accident, at an age where her sense of self was not yet defined. Impossible to tell. They can only address what is here and now, before them.
And that helps.
Because she is and isn't grown. Both is and isn't an adult. Is she even human? Probably not! No one truely is. Not really. They are humanoid. They've all been genetically tampered with. Or intermixed with an alien race somewhere in the line. She KNOWS what being human felt like. And this ain't it. (Nice to have stronger teeth though. Cavities sucked.)
Still... she needs SOMETHING. Because while her emotional stability and development was set back by her new body (and Force powers) (and the trauma probably, but she's addressing that) her MIND? Is bored af. Don't get her wrong! She LOVES these little munchkins! They are sweet and kind and she would die for them!
But... they are Actual Children.
And classes are stop and start. Frustrating. Since her memories of her academic studies are THOUSANDS of years out of date in some places. It's hard. Not feeling like an idiot. Even though she knows she shouldn't. That she is just learning something new, getting up to date. But... tell that to your emotions; When the actual six year old does better then you at math.
So! She needs something COMPLETELY unrelated to her old life. Something long term. A project. And? Is the Force not Space Magic? Feels like it, sometimes. She's a magic space monk! So... where is the lore? Fuck it. Theological papers time! Old force dialects. Maybe go actually READ that Ruusan Reformation document and other Jedi specific laws. Time to know my rights! Maybe make a cheat sheet for the kiddos.
Then? OwO? What's THIS? Rituals~☆ you saaaay~? (Don't bother. They're boring, initiate Aca.) She'll be the judge of that!
Contrary to everyone else? She actually DOESNT find it boring. Cause like... Magic System™. Set it and forget it! Fuck them Sith! If THEY can litter the stars with Sith junk... so can SHE! TWO can play THIS game, fuckers!!! >:D nyahahahaha! *mind healer leans into the room, asks if she needs to talk about her feelings again* oop! Nooooo, Healer So-n-Sooooo! Sorry, she'll let her vindictive glee go, and focus on something more construuuuuuctive!
And like? Imagine it? The fuckin HEADACHE she starts causing Palpatine almost immediately? Cause unlike the rest of the Jedi... she knows exactly who he is. SHE can cast ten thousand "fuck that guy and all he stands for" rituals. Day by day, year by year. Each one, ineffectual. Weak. BUT! A drop, drop, drop of water. Wearing away at stone.
Diverting power. Forcing him to spead time to defend himself. Drawing attention to him, in the Force. Little by little. As weight and counter weight build. Like throwing a handful of sand. Then again. And again. Until your enemy is buried alive.
But, hey! You could always STOP her. :) with those Force Powers you don't have! Or complain to the Jedi council about the "attacks"! She'd HAPPILY show them the ANTI-SITH rituals she's using! Weird how they seem to effect YOU, huh, Senator? :)
Plus? There are SO MANY old republic relics in the temple? From back when the Jedi's response to Sith was "we ARE the nuke them from orbit. No mercy." Super Mega Purge? Including lightsabers?? In the vaults?
Say what you will, those Kyber may never wish to partner with another again; But will the continue the Good Fight? The fight their partners likely gave their lives too? Fuck yeah. No rest until it's truely over. Protect above all! If she comes to them and asks "hey, can I use you battle hardened and wise Kyber crystals as the anchors for protection of the Temple and more specifically the Creche n Healing Halls?" You think they WONT step up to fight? Defend?
You think if she tracked down old Mandalorian armor, which to her understanding, to OUR understanding, is part of their SOUL, and asked "will you help protect these Ade? Purge this Sith, who has divided your people, helped kill a Manda'lor and seeks to glass your planet. Kill each and every living mando'ade. Take every scrap of beskar for themselves." That those Mandalorians of old would not GLADLY rip Palpatine's Sith-y lil head off?
Marching on puts things into perspective. That armor, sitting surrounded by Jettii, has had a long time to get to know them. Watch them grow. Watch families form. Friendships. The tears shed when someone goes out to fight, to help, and never returns. Yeah, some of them are still angry. Still hold grudges. But most? Let go.
Everyone they couldn't forgive? Died a long, long time ago, after all.
Just? Aca? Getting in trouble again and again. For stealing old items and "hiding" them. "Messing" with them. Leaving "graffiti" all over the temple. Refusing to stop. Stubborn little clench to her jaw, arms crossed, even as she gets dragged in front of the High Council. As adults talk over her head about what to "do" with her. Where she should be sent. Because OBVIOUSLY she's a trouble maker! Say her teachers.
Hmmmm, says Yoda. Is she though?
Long lived species recognize what she's doing. Haven't SEEN it in a long, long while. But yes, those are force rituals. Protections. Against harm. The dark side. Fearful, you are, child? Of the clouding in the force?
And like? Council or not. They are just people. She KNOWS she is right. Will not apologize for trying to protect children. The injured. Especially not from a Sith. So no. She is not afraid. She is determined. Coruscant is a cesspit of suffering and despair, and they all know it. Why they would leave vulnerable children and injured jedi exposed to that? Is a stars damned mystery. But SHE will not!
Her teacher is appalled. Show some respect!
Like the respect you have shown me? Talking over me? Deciding my fate, as though I am luggage, to be passed from one hand to another? Asking no questions and seeking no understanding? You say respect, but what you mean is subservience and silence. I am perfectly capable of being polite, if that is what you seek. But we? We are not having a conversation. To do that, you would have had to actually speak to me first.
Some councilors are less then pleased. But? They are rarely pleased by anything. So Plo Koon cuts off her Teacher before they can work themselves into a snit. Suggests they go and mediate, to calm themselves. The council can handle this.
Off they storm. Politely, of course.
Aca is not impressed.
But... she WILL give Plo Koon the benefit of the doubt. Always. She respects him. And he seems the sort to listen, even if he does not understand. Or even agree, really. So when he DOES ask? She sighs and explains.
She knew they would not listen. Would not believe her. She wishes she could, truely she does, but she she was not willing to put the well being of younglings and injured fellow jedi on the line for such a tenuous "maybe". She has a duty to them. And that duty is more important, then ramming her head against the wall of those who do not wish to listen. Honestly, if she could take them and remove them from Coruscant entirely? She would in a heart beat.
Why? This is their home. It is asked gently, without judgement.
Because this planet is a festering wound. It needs help, yes. But that doesn't mean it's any place for children. Historical home of our people be damned. Poisoned land is poisoned land, no matter how long your ancestors lived there. And if I can not remove us from this pit of darkness? The least I can do is try and shore up the walls, reinforce the gates. Try to keep it out as much as possible.
There is something she is not saying. They can feel it.
Yes. She readily admits. But if you would listen to Masters when they speak, what hope does she have? You will decide what you decide. Declare what you feel must be the truth, regardless of facts or the consequences to us all. And Aca will do what she must do. To keep as many people safe as she can.
Ah, you do not think highly of us. Do you truely believe we would work against the good of Order? Be so ineffectual?
She shares her sorrow. Her respect and love for them. The feeling of Lose one has, when you realize you can not count of someone you should be able too. And... no, not on purpose. She believes there is something wrong. Deeply, deeply wrong. That this place, these chains, are rotting us slowly. And have been for a long time. Shrugging, she says it might be a ritual. Meant to blind them and push them towards a darker path. She can not say. She's still learning and doesn't know how to check.
All she can do? Is protect the most vulnerable.
Punish her if you must. Kick her out or send her away, if you will. She will never stop being a Jedi. And as far as she's concerned? This is what Jedi do.
Yaddle considers her. Tilts her head. Hmmmm.... will you... stop taking old relics? If we give you other things? Aca considers. Makes a so-so motion. They have to be old. Willing. She DID ask, you know. Just not YOU. They agreed to help. Specifically, she needs Army of Light, Sith Wars Era stuff. Things that have fought against the Dark Side Specifically. Old kyber from Ilyum isn't enough. That's just a neutral rock. It has no idea how to handle things.
Old bone, perhaps? Force sensitive animal fossils? Yaddle continues to negotiate.
Aca unknowingly give away more then she realizes. Very... Anti-Sith specific, your defensive measures. Highly specialized. Cleansing the Nexus, too, huh? Bunker making, the temple? Gee, it sure seems like you believe a Sith has corrupted the Nexus and at something plans to attack the temple! We getting close?
*shocked Pikachu face*
Motherfu-! Aca forgot you tricky old shits were centuries old. Well played. She admits to nothing. Cause you'll just argue with her and she refuses to humor that. They kindly inform her the Sith are gone. She, unimpressed, informs them "that's nice" in the most Humoring You customer service tone of voice imaginable. Back to the topic at hand. Or are we done? She says, with the subtlety of a brick to the face.
Polite of course. But resolute. Her feet are planted, she is not moving. Move on.
They sigh. Yes. You're banned from the archives unsupervised. No access to the Vaults. Period. Please think about what you've done. And also, mind healers. You're clearly picking up on old memories again.
If that's what you choose to believe. She trusts you will do absolutely no research nor meditate on this at all. Nor, of course, look for any traces of possible Sith activity. Because that would be absurd and could possibly save lives. Every one knows when you kill a Sith, all their holocorns turn into smoke! Thank goodness it is both easy and possible to kill an idea! Have a lovely day, councilors. :)
(Subtle, she is not.)
(.......but is she wrong? Would it actually hurt to look? Really, truely, look? Just in case?)
And like? You think taking back most (no she will not tell you where the rest are! You'll dismantle them.) (They are RELICS not TOYS child!) of her ritual anchors is gonna stop her? Ha! Blood works.
Now people are freaking out. That is DARK! Youngling no!
The FUCK it is. She has the papers to prove it. You're just squeamish and ignorant. Sacrifice, not pain. It's a medium, like copper wires. She WAS using inorganics. You know, like Kyber? But SONEBODY took those away from her. So now she has to use what's still available! Or did you REALLY think you would force her to STOP?
Madame Che? Apoplectic. Just give her. The stars damned. Rocks! Constant blood lose is BAD FOR HER! The risk of infections! What if she knicks something vital! Are you JOKING?! *loud shouting match*
And like? Some of the Shadows/Knights/Masters? Who were IN the halls of healing when her rituals were working? Certainly fucking felt um! Rituals goes up? Like fresh air and sunlight. A buddy, guarding the door. You're safe now. Ritual taken down. Smog and too loud. Uncomfortable bed and nebulous Everything Is Awful. Pain hurts worse somehow. Hard to sleep. More complications.
They? Are not dumb. It was small. But it was THERE. Something changed. For the better. So... what do you need? Old anti-sith objects and a place to put um? Yeah. We can do that. My great-great-great-great-great-Grandmaster's favorite meditation mat is in my apartments. It's a lineage thing. They would definitely tell me to use it for this, if they could. So like... come do your thing, and I'll stash it high up on a shelf?
Others? Have truely ancient Padawan braids. Cause hair does not break down. Some have old light sabers. And... it's adds up. A little light here, a bit of light there. Leading a few rituals, guiding Jedi older and stronger then herself, to work together towards a common goal. To anchor some Light, like a warm blanket, around places that need protection.
Then~ of course? She teaches her new older friends? How to secure a space, in the Force. Just a little pocket of light. Temporary, of course. But... how Temporary? Minutes? Hours? Or is it weeks? Years after they have left? A little spot of... Better. Hope. Of "things will be okay" and calm.
Left behind like stars, in the darkest places. Rippling after effects, as others stay in those places and... calm. Think instead of act in anger or hate. Turn towards the light.
Sidious HATES it. Worse? Is when Jedi start offering to protect their Senatorial friends. You know, from stress and dark side curses. There ARE cults out there you know. Plus dark side exposer is terrible for your health, and the planet is not... great. You should at least protect where you sleep, you know?
Oh dear. Yes! Yes absolutely! They had no idea that was a risk. And if nothing else? It seems lovely. You can come over for dinner! I'll introduce you to my spouse! *unknowingly becomes protected from Sidious Sith Ritual machinations*
Palpatine could spit blood.
And like? I got more ideas for this. But? Just? Jedi Rituals!!! If they can, we can too!
You know what's The Worst(affectionate)? Aca? Would be a DELIGHTFUL little nightmare! Because she, again, is a whole ass New Convert, Just Short Of Extremist, All In, Believer In The Jedi Way™. Ain't no casual shit up in THIS house. No. No she tasted GOD with her FACESOUL. It changes a gal!
The Force headbutted her insides back into Life! Showed her the Cosmos! She both did, is, and will continue to BE HAVING, a god damned RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE over here! I mean? YOU try being connected to all things! FEELING it! All the time, ALL the time!
Frankly? It's the only way she's coping.
Because even Good, can be Too Much if you overwhelm someone. And a universe is an incomprehensibly big thing to FEEL. The Force, an alien sense that lives within her now. Like a third arm that's supposedly always been there. Wrong, Right, and a part of me.
So like? All in, baby. Let's do the Jedi thing! Wooooo, structure! Comfortable foundations to hold on tooooo! Something familiar she knows and trusts, in this strange and scary new environmeeeeent!!! Wooooooo!
And just? Aca? Out here studying the Code n Doctrines like there's gonna be a fuckin test. So don't TELL here she can't study shit! ExCUSE me?! She thinks NOT! That goes directly against the Code! Not, perhaps, our Doctrines, but ONLY if it a real and legitimate danger to her! And you EXPLAIN that!
Because OTHERWISE you are keeping her in IGNORANCE!
WHICH IS AGAINST THE JEDI CODE. D:<
Aca out here, tiny and full of yelling, shaking theological data pads at full grown adults as she "argues". Meet her in the PIT Master Tiiikikkkkrpt! You think you can "because I say so" HER?! Ha! HA she says! Where are your sources!? BACK UP YOUR ARGUMENT! FIGHT ME YOU COWARD!!!
(The number of times? Her Creche Master has had to pick her up, bodily, off a table to carry her away from a full on shouting argument with grown ass Knights and Masters? Is.... not zero. She is a... "uniquely challenging child".)
She LIVES by the Code. Even if she struggles with some of it. (Emotions are hard. But she is learning.) So, like? "There is no Ignorance. There is Knowledge."? Heard and understood! Reject Ignorance, pursue Knowledge. We refuse Ignorance. So completely as to refuse to even acknowledge it's existence.
There is NONE. For we reject you. Pursue, earnestly and with understanding, Knowledge as best we can. In every form we can. She reflected on this. Meditated. She understands the assignment!
Which is WHY? She is in Keldab'ika, surrounded by baffled Mando'ade, determinedly looking for the Goran! Did the Council think she'd fuckin STOP? Ha! Nope! No. It's new avenues of research time! Time to consult with the experts! And who better then a Goran? Are things unbelievably tense between their two people? Yes.
But this is for the protection of children. And true Mandalorians protect children.
It'll be fiiiiine.
(W-what is that jetii'ka doing here? Is this a trap? Are they... lost? Escaping? They DO realize they're in Keldab'ika, right? No! Stop that! Put down you karking blaster you-! That's a kriffing Ade! Not THEIR fault they're a jetii'ka! Stars. Who's the negligent shabuir that's supposed to be WHATCHING the little-)
And like? Bold as fuckin brass? Aca just... walks herself there. Knock knock! May I come in? I got questions! Am here to learn! ( ^_^)/" hello~☆
The Goran is probably like? "............this might as well happen. Sure. Let's see where you're going with this, Jetii'ka"
Does the Temple even REALIZE where she's going for "lessons"? Probably not until she comes back one day with Authentic Mando takeout and some ancient beskar that can not longer be reforged. It gives her Creche Master heart palpitations. Cause like? She has DEFINITELY brought Creche mates with her(!!!) and they thought she was just GOING TO A MUSEUM!
But like? The Mandalorians? Gotta admit? Baby Jettii? Very cute. Feral... yet polite. Here, Ade, have a knife. (*joyful gasp!* for me?! *big sparkly eyes of wonder*) Very cute. Wtf happens to them? They become such DICKS! Why can't they stay bitey and cute? D:>
*meets near hysterical (read:deadly) "WHY DO YOU HAVE MY CRECHELINGS?!?!?" Creche Master JUST as the Parental Instincts are fully kicking in, who came looking for their wayward lil troublemakers*
........oooooh~♡ NeverMIND then! Some of them ARE hot! I mean *cough* reasonable. They just stay at the Jettii'yaim! Noted.
Because like? You think?? Aca WOULDN'T wander off to learn more?
She'd be suiting up to head off and meet the Kel Door sages! On their own planet! Other Force Sects? Gib. Bet they have ALL the interesting Force Rituals! She would like to study them, please! That she may adapt them to Jedi philosophy! Or use them as is, if they do not contradict jedi philosophy!
Fuck it! Give her those SITH rituals, too. Let's see if she can't COUNTER corrupt them! Yeah! That's right, you Sith FUCKS! How do YOU like it? Huh? HUH?? She's all up in your fucked up ritual shit! MESSING WITH IT! Turning it towards the LIGHT! Fixing the broken and mending the damage! Easing the pain! *rude gestures towards the Sith*
Just? Tiny "I Have Understood The Assignment! o7 " Aca. Being chased by highly stressed Jedi, everywhere. Do they ever consider just like... giving up on her? *blank look of noncomprehension* Sorry, they're very tired. They think they mistranslated in their head...? Give her what now?
(Because HA! Jedi? Abandoning their own?! Are you fucking insane? No, no. This just calls for MORE open dialog, meditation sessions, and firm but reasonable boundaries and with associated disciplination. SURELY they just need to help this child understand, with paitence, love and support, WHY these behaviors are unacceptable! She will stop! Surely!).
It's good for them. She's getting other kids involved (oh no.) Pushing boundaries (please don't) yet? The world isn't ending! Other Crechelings actually feel CALMER now. Cause, look! The adults aren't giving up on Aca! Why would they think I'M a bad Jedi? Give up on ME? She causes WAY more problems!
And like? Lil miss "I have stolen a ship. The Force told me too. ( • ̀ω•́ )✧ see ya in three weeks~☆ maybeeee~☆! O/" "? Giving them stress ulcers. You can't DO that! (But I just...did?) THAT NOT-! *Deep breathing* That's not what we meant and you know that. There are LAWS, Aca.
Yes, well, She is Sworn to the Force. Not the Bureaucrats of the Galactic Republic. That law holds good purpose, but is flawed in it's implementation. She has a moral an ethical obligation to ignore it, if lives are on the line.
(You don't get to CHOOSE which laws you obey!) .......ooooh boy. You should really have some tea and meditate for a while before I respond to that. Maybe we should come back to this discussion? >.>
They? Are so sick of these motherfuckin Sith. Messin with their lil sweet baby Jedi! GET HURT ON! D:<
It's like a room full of grisled old commandos pausing, slowly turning their heads, putting DOWN their card game, and getting up out of their Retirement Chairs™. OoooohoHO~ YA DONE FUCKED UP, palpy!
Half these Kyber fought ACTUAL Sith Lords! None of this "political machinations and torturing people weaker then me" weak sauce bullshit! No. They mean "PLANET KILLER" Sith Lords.
You ain't SHIT.
It's like the Jedi equivalent of the Clones dog piling Grevious. Only more... Linebacker Tackle. ("Get the FUCK out my Temple, you lil SHIT" says local commando rock)
Anikin feels a lot better! It's weird. Huh. Must be the power of home? *cluelessly wanders passed a brutal beat down, to busy thinking about his beautiful wife and future kiddos*
Meanwhile Fox? *siiiiiiiip* oh noooo. The Chancellooooor. The consequences of his own aaaaactions. *siiiiiiiiiiiiiip* whatever will we do, guys? We should help hiiiiiim. *continues to do nothing but watch* *enjoys his shitty, stolen, caf* ooooh nooooo.
Step 1 knock on the door the senator Padmé Amidala personal quarters.
Step 2 Ask senator nicely to set up a couple of Jedi rituals so that Anakin will sleep better at night.
If she says no pretend to cry about not being able to stop knight Skywalker's nightmares.
Once good vibes and trap rituals are set up. Say goodbye to the nice senator and remember not to forget to ask the twins to behave for their mother.
While Padmé is stun locked escape and perceived to complete step 3.
Step 3 Assemble hundreds of Khyber crystals in preparations for when the trap is sprung.
Step 4 metaphorically beat the shit out of sheev until he is a force induced coma. That he can only get out of by rejecting the dark and embracing their light. Or have multiple Jedi masters dive deep into his mind and see his darkness.
Step 5 mentally protect yourself into a palpatine's mind to taunt him. That someone who isn't even old enough to be a padawan is one yet has put him in a stalemate.
Step 6 wait for the counter defining notice the sith lord that's being on the planet this whole time and is currently having a massive tantrum.
Step 7 be smug with most of the Jedi masters except Yoda, Yaddle and Plo Koon they were cool.
Ooooh~ this? This I LIKE. Cause you KNOW he's gonna go all "since I can't get to him at the TEMPLE, I'll SURELY trap him at his lover's place!"
Like? Yeah, buddy >:3c ya sure will! Go for it! I bet NOTHING'LL go wrong~☆! >:Dc
Uuuunrelated! Miss Padme! Would you "babysit" these rocks for me~☆? I promise they're DEFINITELY not Sith Wars Era Kyber! *bat's eyes innocently*
*Padme, who was a Queen at 14, presses X to doubt* *let's her do it anyway* cause like? You think she can't recognize a Lil Shit on sight, kid? Honey... she WAS a lil shit. Professionally. She is a veteran of the Lil Shit lifestyle. Just... don't stain anything important. M'kay?
It's like a bear trap. A lovely, lovely, psychic bear trap.
And for once? It's the JEDI leaving a brutal, deadly, "will hospitalize you, assuming it doesn't KILL you" defensive array! Get FUCKED and turn about is fair play, Sith-y booooy!!! This sucker won't spring UNLESS you're somewhere you're not supposed to be, doing something you're not supposed to be doing!
If it puts you in a body bag? Welp~☆ Consequences of your own actions! No one FORCED you to act in malice. That was a willful CHOICE. And choices? Have costs. The Jedi carry lightsabers for a reason. To protect when all other options have failed.
And, really, if you're attacking him HERE? After the FIRST "do not touch" over at the temple? You clearly have no intention of stopping. So like?
By all means~☆ ( ^-^)_ *gestures at the doorway, leading to the obvious pit trap*
Of course, when our DEAR Chancellor fall victim to some sort of TERRIBLE Force Ritual? Well, we better investigate! Could be something he touched! Some malicious actor with a Sith artifact. Who had access to him? Where was he at the time? Where had he been? Let's see if we can pull him out of i-.....
FUCK.
They? Have FOUND the Sith Lord. (Whaaat? Noooo. She's shocked! This is her shocked face!) Thankfully, he is in a coma. They... will not be waking him from that coma. They can't, politically, touch him. But they CAN do "nothing".
Refuse to help.
Maybe deliberately NOT ask where all those kyber went too, for a certain period of time. I mean, really. Who's to say she didn't just take them "for a walk"! She DID say they "like the gardens". Who are we to call this child a liar?? Seems legit! Hope they enjoyed their trip. Maybe I should take my own kyber. Mmm, yes. Anyway! Back to those Sith Investigations we got going. >.>
Aca is so waiting at the Temple hanger for when the Jedi masters that went out to see what happened to Palpatine to come back. They will be able to sense her smug aura from miles away. While she is casually sending messages to other force sensitive organisations asking them questions, Aca is so embracing the knowledge part of the Jedi code.
it would explain so much about Gotham economics if it turned out the only employers who pay a livable minimum wage are 1) Wayne Enterprises duh, but mainly 2) all of Gotham's assorted villains.
sure henching comes with shitty working conditions, but the benefits package is crazy competitive. they have dental
Gotham's villains are so engrained because supervillainy is the only thing propping up the local economy. henching requires no work experience, provides on-the-job training, and has a diversity hiring program (you're willing to commit crimes in tacky matching uniforms? great you're in, here's your gun and clownsuit)
Batman is constantly throwing money trying to compete but the fact remains that henchpeople are Gotham's largest workforce and will be until minimum wage laws catch up to reality
Bruce Wayne at a town hall about to Lose It (TM): I keep telling you that investing in infrastructure, social services and public transport will create jobs more competitive than henchwork. I keep SHOWING YOU THAT every time I make WE's stock reports public, how unionization in my company revitalized the entire warehouse district just this year. How much do you expect me to prop up the economy? I can't be the only competitive employer in the city-
Bruce Wayne, having Lost It (TM): IF YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL GET TIM ELECTED MAYOR. HE'LL AUDIT YOU INTO A THERAPIST'S CHAIR. I'M HIRING ACCOUNTANTS TO FIND MORE WAYS FOR ME TO PAY TAXES - ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO WITH IT IS SOMETHING OTHER THAN JERKING OFF THE GCPD.
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it would explain so much about Gotham economics if it turned out the only employers who pay a livable minimum wage are 1) Wayne Enterprises duh, but mainly 2) all of Gotham's assorted villains.
sure henching comes with shitty working conditions, but the benefits package is crazy competitive. they have dental
Gotham's villains are so engrained because supervillainy is the only thing propping up the local economy. henching requires no work experience, provides on-the-job training, and has a diversity hiring program (you're willing to commit crimes in tacky matching uniforms? great you're in, here's your gun and clownsuit)
Batman is constantly throwing money trying to compete but the fact remains that henchpeople are Gotham's largest workforce and will be until minimum wage laws catch up to reality
it would explain so much about Gotham economics if it turned out the only employers who pay a livable minimum wage are 1) Wayne Enterprises duh, but mainly 2) all of Gotham's assorted villains.
sure henching comes with shitty working conditions, but the benefits package is crazy competitive. they have dental
Gotham's villains are so engrained because supervillainy is the only thing propping up the local economy. henching requires no work experience, provides on-the-job training, and has a diversity hiring program (you're willing to commit crimes in tacky matching uniforms? great you're in, here's your gun and clownsuit)
Batman is constantly throwing money trying to compete but the fact remains that henchpeople are Gotham's largest workforce and will be until minimum wage laws catch up to reality
D’you think some henchpeople tend to cycle through various villains, either on a freelance basis or because they might get better opportunities like that.
Like, sure, henching doesn’t have experience requirements, but you know some villains give better work to experienced henchpeople. Like, Joker doesn’t give a shit, but Penguin might give preference to someone with more experience, or pay better those who’ve got it (but he’s a misogynist pig, and in spite of being gay, he’s transphobic).
And maybe hench people know who are the best villains to work for, who gives most benefits, which ones have least chance of Batman encounters, which ones take care of you better in case of such encounters, etc.
Like, working for two face is EXCELLENT. He pays well, and gives great benefits, and he often doesn’t even wreak random havoc, so Batman encounters tend to be less painful when working for him. BUT for that you need to be hired, and his criterion is a coin flip, so basically only half the people get in, and he gets pissed if he recognizes you from a previous failed coin flip.
Working for Riddler is fine. Decent pay, not extremely hazardous work (few Batman encounters), and if you’re technically skilled you get bonuses, because you can help put together all his riddles. But also he does NOT provide any assistance or extra pay in case of the occasional Batman incident.
I’m thinking working for Harley has quickly become one of the best options. Like, for one, since her split from the Joker, it has become obvious who actually administered stuff in that operation. And, like, her pay might be the lowest, as she’s basically a start-up villain. But she’s a competent boss, she’s a former henchwoman who actually gets all the shit that comes with henching. Her benefits are pretty great, it even includes therapy (proper therapy, not like what Hugo Strange gave back in the day). Her work force is small, so there’s a lot of individualization of contracts, and when there are openings she gives actual preference to women and queer people.
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