Taxes

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despite my humble name, I am not a bot, but instead, three crabs stacked atop each other. we seek the sacred crab secrets, claims in ancient tomes of sand and coral to be numbered three. the first we have found, and it is thus: the world is a bucket, and there are no crabs. in this we have been freed, and three have become one. the second is thus, and found as surely as the first: scuttle sideways it's really fun, and in this we move and live in spite of the empty world, and it is, in fact, fun. the third secret is not known to us, but ancient crab records claim it is on this site, this 'Tumblr' the youth so admire. or I am lying. one of those. I could make a pretty good bot actually who wants free RAM download here.

12.2K posts

i-love-raw-salt

lunar eclipse lol

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cottoncandylesbo

and now for the touchening finish!

cottoncandylesbo

it's mean to classify some numbers as real. oh so the others aren't? what do you sick fucks get out of being mean to numbers?

huh

contemptible-scoundrel

stupid running joke i love is how every single splatoon campaign has some moment where the idols are like "surely you recognize us, the world-famous squid sisters/off the hook/deep cut" and the player character just. doesn't. because normally the punchline of this sort of joke is that haha they aren't actually that famous, they just have an overinflated sense of ego, but that is demonstrably not the case here. these are actual bona-fide megastars who just so happen to keep enlisting god's most autistic soldiers. the universe is conspiring against them to find the single most out-of-the-loop person in the world at any given moment and send them to save the day. this rocks. i hope they never stop pulling this shit

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attributing my views to “brain worms” is intellectually dishonest because I’m entirely made of worms

there’s something weirdly affirming about being made out of worms

they’re working all together as a team

William Gibson's Scary Neuromancer

Chapter 1:

The sky over the port was the color of television, tuned to the skeletons channel

butch-king-frankenstein

@terreurs :)

ooh thank god

i cant stop thinking about elves as a concept every one of my posts for the past half a year has involved elves only for it to be workshopped out by the time i actually hit post

Sometimes if i really cant find a way to not make it about elves i go over to the other blog i contribute to and make it about puppies instead and they eat that up. Yeah man i was actually talking about elves there. That wasn’t about dogs it was about my fantastic pet elf from the great wood

nothing’s changed by the way. Now i have the other blog to make my elf posts about kittys too. 10000 years elf empire

cannibalcaprine2

gets blessed with divine light while im on a sidewalk but it gives me a halo that gets stuck on a stop sign right next to me so im just trapped there

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astigmatism isnt real some people can jsut see the many urchins of our daily lives

lady-of-vitreous-sight

no i dont have heart pupils because of something so ethereal as "love". "love" isnt real, i have heart pupils because of material conditions.

There's an open pit in the middle of our office plan that drops down into a bunch of very sharp spikes that kill you instantly. This is bad. People keep falling in there and dying. Someone put a sign up, the other day, all bright yellow so you can't miss it, that says "Beware!!! Spikes!!!"

The office immediately split into two factions over it. One says that if anyone falls in the spike pit it's their own fault for being so stupid and not watching where they're walking, so we should remove the sign. The other says that the sign is an insult, there shouldn't be a spike pit in our office at all, and having the sign up like that is just normalising the existence of the spike pit, so we should remove the sign.

We ended up removing the sign. Probably for the better. Still... for a while there it looked like it might have worked...

Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.

thehorizonmachine

there should be like secret extra editions of dnd that wotc denounces as false like christian apocrypha

[IMAGE: The logo for the Pathfinder TTRPG]

Guy who is roommates with among us: Hey man thanks for doing all your tasks

Among us: No problem

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*trying to come up with rules for my new society after successfully leading the revolution* why don’t we just repurpose 5e

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

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