well since you asked so politely, letās talk about something very important vis a vis weather-hotness that you clearly aināt ever heard of, called
oh alas, you say. oh papa, whatever shall i do, it is ever so hotte and drye in california. the very air hath been sucked of all its moisturey droplets and whatnot.* one hundredy and tennith desiccated degrees!
*(yo, drought is serious. i am pretty obviously not making fun of that.)
alright. letās check it out. hereās a random california city, right about now:
thirty-two percent. and hereās a random mid-atlantic city located somewhere in the wet fleshy crease behind a demonās knee*:
*(confession: i do not live in dc, but several years ago i spent three weeks steaming like a tinned ham in arlington in august. none of the pants i took with me could ever keep a crease again.)
huh! funny thing! āsee, dcās actually seven degrees COOLER,ā you say, because youāve obviously never gone outside and taken a deep lungful of wet sock trash air in your life. and now for added bliss, hereās what early wednesday morningās gonna be like for these poor clowns:
thatās right! eighty-two percent humidity! the point at which showers no longer matter, because youāre all caught in Godās grease trap! just stressed human eels miserably slip slidinā their way through a damp melty bathwater-flavored hellscape that feels like itās actively sous viding their top layer of skin! a hundred thousand people packed into public transit breathing air that feels like deepthroating swamp thing! and you wanna talk to me about fuckin california!
[cue science voice]: human bodies cool through evaporation, a process by which the body sweats and sweet invisible angels towel us off, whisking away our unwanted moisture into the air and literally chilling us out. (itās also why air conditioned air feels so fucking deliciously refreshing: itās not just being cooled, itās being conditioned, aka, dehumidified. itās cool dry air.) but. if the air is already made out of fucking chowder and canāt absorb shit then guess what the fuck our bodies canāt do.
so is this weak fool gonna remain indoors and hydrated through this only medium-hot but fuckoff-humid season? you bet your dried out ass.