A Number of Cold Reptiles

me if i was bioluminescent and confused: "whats glowing on..."

i think ao3 should have a feature like an anonymous kudos but instead of kudos its "i jorked it to completion" and you can leave as many of these as you want and obviously authors would opt-in to this feature on a per-fic basis but like. i want the stats, you know.

jf i was vladimir nabokov and i was writing lolita i would make her an adult becaude then it would t be dark problematic media and instead a sweet romabce between two adults (woke and pure)

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

I know this is meant to be funny but it actually makes such a good point about how ADHD and executive dysfunction can impact people in really major ways, including financially

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

you had to be there

Boss tries to fire me for poor performance but I punch the ground and spit out blood and say "No... this isn't how this ends" while my leitmotif plays

Boss fires me for my poorly-composed leitmotif

Don't forget that mouths are also for fingering! Just poke and prod around in there as much as you want!

no one says big mood anymore. no one even says mood. no one says anything. all thats left is a dry wind, that scours my face until i bleed

adults love seeing a small child or teenager who is so visibly anxious and uncertain of themselves and quiet so they can tell them "HEY!! 👹 YOU BETTER GET SOME CONFIDENCE RIGHT NOW! 🗣 AND SPEAK UP! 🤬 YEAH YOU! 👊 SHY KID 💥 EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS SHY KID 👈 WHO I'M GOING TO FIX 🙏 WITH THE POWER OF LOUD !!! 😤 YOU'D BEST BELIEVE IT! 😱 NOW SHOUT, SHY KID!!! 🤯 SHOUT AT ME!!! 👽 HUUAAHH&HHH 🗯 NOW TEAR ASUNDER THE HUSK OF YOUR FORMER SELF ☠️ YEAH RIGHT NOW 👇 WHY DON'T YOU FEEL CONFIDENT 💣 I AM GIVING YOU THE CURE" and the shy kid has to pretend like this isn't the millionth time they've had this exact conversation