conk creet

The doctor turns off my life support. I keep breathing. My heart keeps beating. In distant room, a basketball deflates.

He inside tho

He doesnt want to get wet

why is he floating, also

Maybe he has a medical condition, mind your business

date of origin: March 11th, 2015

friday 13 you know what that means

the killer

chuckling indulgently.. oh go on... i suppose a LITTLE bit of monica in my life wouldn't hurt

little kids always latch onto the older cousin who is the most aloof to them they're like i am so sorry sweet old ladies who want to give me toys & candy but i do not give a fuck about you right now because i have GOT to go bother the unemployed 23 year old who wants to play call of duty in the dark in his room

i'm so afraid they're gonna connect me with my million ants

it's taking so long because they can only pick one of the million ants to take your call and all of them want a chance

you know that post that's like "if thinking naruto would be proud of you for brushing your teeth gets you to brush your teeth go for it" well today i texted my friends and asked them to pretend to be wizards sending me on a grand quest to eat lunch and buy hand soap and it worked so well i put a load of laundry in and did the dishes too so. i don't know what the lesson is here but maybe give that a try

im kinda bored of this whole computers thing. i think tomorrow im gonna go outside and see if i find some kind of creature to look at

Deactivated.... Op did it boys

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#tapping the reblog button with utmost care because i’m handling a historical artifact (via @malarkiness)

a puppy dog has hatched from a forlorn egg

oh shit for real? I must consult the oracle

oracle high off volcanic fumes: "trans allegory"

im the prettiest canary in this mine

what the fuck is that smell

so true beastie *we are laying in a field of dandelions and i am petting your massive snout* *you are 30 feet long and i love you*