galen is love, galen is life

During Melida/Daan Obi-wan learned how to use the force to disassemble the blasters in people hands in almost an instant.

This becomes his MO as he grows. He gets into much less firefights because no one has a blaster anymore. They're all in pieces on the ground.

During Naboo and the Theed fight with Maul he tries the same trick on Mauls saber while behind the shields. Before Maul can kill Qui-gon Mauls saber just... Falls apart. He still injures Qui-gon and Obi-wan still fights him and "kills" him.

Fast forward to the Clone wars, during Geonosis less jedi die because he starts just dismantling droid blasters. Obi-wan becomes a General. His first battle with the 212th and he gets on the field. He manages to dismantle whole squads blasters.

He meet Grievous. He dismantles the sabers in his hands and steals back the Kyber.

Like if Qui-Gin survives, obviously he's going to be Anakin's Master, but you're out of your mind if you think Ani isn't going to be taking any and every opportunity to hang out with Obi-Wan. "I've always wanted a big brother!!!" Anakin says, with a smile brighter than the twin suns, missing one tooth and a little dusty and greasy from crawling around in the spare parts bins. Obi-Wan doesn't have the heart to explain that isn't really how it works with Jedi - and also like... since when has the Yoda-Dooku-Jinn lineage ever been conventional?

So Obi-Wan takes baby brother his Master's new apprentice under his wing and since Anakin is already a pretty handy little dude, Obi-Wan is like "I'll teach you my fun little trick" and Anakin picks it up almost immediately! This is fun! He even takes it a step further and will basically steal interesting bits and pieces from whatever he's just disassembled with the Force so that he has something to play with once the mission goes back to just talking and boring adult stuff.

Qui-Gon is quietly amused about all of this, and Obi-Wan ends up tagging along on about half of all the missions that Qui-Gon and Anakin are assigned because he's just so pleased to see his boys getting along and bonding over this... stuff (<- voice of a man who can identify any plant in the known universe in under two minutes but struggles with the space toaster on a regular basis).

Anakin and Obi-Wan merrily leaving a trail of disassembled blasters across the galaxy, always missing two or three parts, while Qui-Gon just smiles serenely behind them. Yoda is so proud of his lineage. Dooku even has a few moments of "lmao yeah that's my grandson" when he hears about particularly irritating (to the CIS) actions by Obi-Wan and Anakin vis-a-vis Taking Shit Apart.

Anakin is knighted and the Kenobi-Skywalker team, while never strictly official, is basically a given, so the 212th and 501st work together frequently, like in canon. Except now the troops collect disassembled blaster bits from the field and just keep 'em in their packs, because on an early mission, Rex and Cody watched Obi-Wan disassemble an entire battalion's worth of blasters, chuck some random parts over to Anakin, and then five minutes later Anakin had made a fucking EMP and deactivated the entire rest of the army. "Can you... do that again? Like, on command?" / "Oh yeah, it's super easy!"

Anakin sets off so many homebrew EMPs around the 212th and 501st that he accidentally deactivates their chips. When Palpatine tries to issue O66 to Cody he's like lmao what??? Hey General, do you know what this creepy fucking hooded figure is talking about?????

They end up listening in more and hearing that they're scared of Binghe like '...why is SQQ terrified of the disciple he is actively mourning?...Why does he think his 'dead' disciple is going to kill him? what the fuck?'

Cue Jinlan city and seeing LBH alive and staring inently at SQQ who is terrified, none of them are happy with the water prion 'Did SQQ know this was going to happen? WHY WAS HE SO SCARED? Is he a seer? what is happening'

And then the LBH demon reveal and the self detonation the peak lords have to following conclusion

SQQ found out LBH was a dmeon at the conference he sent him away to protect him only he knew about demon obsessions and that LBH was going to come back for him so made mushroom bodies to escape. They've connected the dots (they have not) and they find out about MBJ and are like 'OH SQH is also being pursued by a demon and is scared so making a mushroom body to escape...we have connected all the dots'

They find where mushroom body is and SQQ escape plan is thrown into disarray when all his sect siblings are there and take him back to the sect and are talking about how they'll protect him and won't let LBH bridenap him.

SQQ and SQH are just like '...what are you talking about our demons aren't interested in us like that they want to kill us! Not bridenap us'

LBH/MBJ:...we could have just bridenapped them?

Just the entire sect is now cock-blocking LBH and MBJ and warding them out and you are courting them properly, no atticwifing.

LBH:.I'M ALLOWED TO TRY AND COURT SHIZUN

Now Aayla is unimpressed, the first lesson is if your in trouble find a guard, and she also remembers being taught that “you don’t know a guard you know the guards” because the whole point is your not ment to identify individuals. Master Vos vehemently says that it’s different with this one but regardless, how is a humble Padawan ment to tell this guard from the others?

yes!! like this:

Anakin gets traumatized

Bonus:

Shen Yuan: naturally very vocal but he actively bites it back. Moans border on yelling.

Shen Jiu: iron trap. He has to be 8 consecutive rounds deep to make a single noise and even then it’s going to be the quietest little “ahh-mm” you’ve ever heard.

Luo Bingge: focuses on talking his wives through it. He’s not actually enjoying the sex all that much.

Luo Bingmei: cute, high little “ahh mmm please yes mnnn”.

Yue Qingyuan: doesn’t make any noise. No matter how long he’s been at it, no matter how much he’s enjoying it. He’ll try if you ask him to but it will sound very awkward and forced.

Liu Qingge: easy to work up into pitchy moans. If you work him into overstimulation he starts whimpering and crying.

Shang Qinghua: moans like a porn star. Ruins it by saying shit like “hot diggity dog” “zoowee mama” “awooga” and “hot tamales”.

Mobei Jun: he purrs.

Tianlang Jun: moans like a porn star. Ruins it by saying shit like “daddy likey”.

Zhuzhi Lang: whimpers. Soft, high whimpers that get a little louder the longer you go, but not by much.

Sha Hualing: groaning and yelling.

Liu Mingyan: a few grunts, otherwise she’s too busy taking mental notes.

(Tags via @nikonuee )

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I discovered this podcast at the beginning of high school, and let me tell you, it rewired my synapses.

Not only was it my first experience with positive LGBT representation, it was the show I clung to when everything else went to shit. Whatever was going on in my life, I knew I had this show in my corner, making me laugh, making me cry, making me feel okay about my place in the universe.

Alpha 17 knows what Obi-wan is before Any of the other clones. He had a front row seat to him hunting Ventress in her own castle.

Alpha 17 proceeded to adopt him as feral younger brother. "You'd like wolffe. He also likes to bite."

Anakin knew Obi-wan wasnt normal the first day they met when the weird jedi got all scary when the zabrak showed up to fight. He doesnt figure out whats going on for a few years.

The whole fight in the theed palace is Maul trying to keep away from Obi-wan. Jinn lives.

Jinn takes anakin as a padwan. Anakin follows Obi-wan around constantly when the mans in temple.

Yoda tricks Jinn on to the council in this timeline. Jinn hates every second of it, but stays simply to stir trouble with the more traditional jedi.

Obi-wan finally sits anakin down and explains what he is after Anakin walked into the knights rooms to find him glowing, curled in a corner and purring. Sound asleep. Anakin wakes the man up with 10000 questions, cause what the fuck.

The clones absolutely lose their shit when they find out Obi-wan is not only a clone, but a badass weapon that hunts darksiders.

They keep trying to get him and dooku in a room together to duke it out. This only works once and Dooku barely got out alive.

They find out about the chips because Obi-wan keeps getting triggered when he's near clones with degraded chips. Tup is the clone that finally triggers Obi-wan enough for them to notice.

Anakin doesnt fall cause Obi-wan siphons out darkside energy by being around it. Its not something Obi-wan is aware hes doing. Just another weird quirk of his biology.

Palpatine cant figure out why his sithly plan to turn the chosen one isnt working

Obi-wan hasn't clocked Palpatine as a sith yet cause he trys very hard to avoid the man. He gave him Bad Feelings on naboo but was hidden enough not to trigger his hunting instinct.

He figures it out when Dooku kidnaps the chancellor. Dooku saw Obi-wan walk on to the bridge and was like "nope. I surrender." He has flashbacks of too sharp teeth getting dangerously close to his face.

The reveal is like this:

Anakin holding Obi-wan back by his tunic as the man snarls and hisses at the chancellor: Uh, Master, thats a friend?? Maybe?

Obi-wan, still hissing: Sssith!

Sheev: Anakin my boy, Obi-wans fallen to the darkside! You must put him down!

Liu Qingge: Hey!

*most of the students flee, one particularly bold one steps into view though*

Liu Qingge: Kssst! *he pulls out a spray bottle*

*the last student scurries off*