my feral corner of the internet

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BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

…relic…

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

you're making a sandwich!! Spin THIS wheel 2-4 times for the toppings!

The first thing is that you have to preheat your oven, and also your pans on the stove. You think "oh I can just throw Thing in the oven and wait for it to come up to heat" that is the devil talking. Whatever you're cooking, you want it to go in the oven and the oven be a consistent temp and start those tasty chemical reactions that cook your food: crisping edges of veg, causing cookies to rise.

You also have to preheat your pan on the stove. Every time. You think "oh the pan is fine I'm gonna put Thing in it now" and then nothing happens so you turn up the heat thinking the stove needs to be hotter because Thing isn't cooking and then all of a sudden it's too hot and you ruined the Thing. Let the pan preheat. For several minutes. To test if your pan is hot, run your hand under the sink and flick a couple drops of water onto the pan. Sizzling? Good your pan is hot. Water just sitting there? It's not preheated.

Can't tell you how many times I've talked to someone who "can't cook" or "the recipe didn't come out right" and when I asked if they preheated the oven or pan the answer was no.

Examples:

Skin on duck breast. Duck has a lot of fat and starting it in a cold pan allows the fat to melt out and allow the skin to crisp up while the meat cooks. The skin will naturally release from a stainless steel pan once it's cooked. If you start in a hot pan, the skin will be fully cooked while you still have a big lump of solid fat between it and the meat and this will be disgusting.

For steak, start in a roaring hot pan (see the water bead technique above). This will allow for a nice brown crust to form on the meat without overcooking the middle.

Fried eggs? Preheat that pan big time. Once the water beads when you drip a tiny bit in the pan, you're hot enough. Add a little oil, swirl to coat the base of the pan and then add your egg. It'll get a good colour on the bottom and a little crispy around the edges. You can also baste the edges around the yolk with the hot oil to prevent egg white bogeys in the final cooked egg.

For pot sticker dumplings? Start with a hot pan.

Frying veg and want to sear it? Hot pan.

Sauteing onions but don't want them to gain any colour? I use a cold pan as it gives me greater control.

Also, do not add oil to your stainless steel until you've done the water bead test. You want the pan hot before the oil goes in.

DO NOT OVERHEAT YOUR NON-STICK PAN. You can get away with making a stainless steel or cast iron pan super hot for cooking. Non stick coatings are not designed for this and can crackz or even explode. For a non stick pan, 30-60 seconds is enough to get it hot enough to fry.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

Last year I finally had an excuse to illustrate this simple little Tumblr story I've had bookmarked forever for class.