shut up, and let me see your jazz hands

imagine you're some guy and you're going through the woods one day and you stumble upon a house and the people who live there just give you free food and eventually let you inside and it's like nothing you've ever seen before and the people are so nice and loving towards you and then one day they decide to never let you leave again, steal your balls, and give you a stupid fucking hair cut

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!

Feeling the urge to say something mean again but I shan't. Actually. Hmm. Okay I'll say this: saying Haha I Don't Care About Hockey ;) in the notes of your fic is. Turning into one of my big backspace triggers not gonna lie.

still thinking about the way ilya teases shane is like. you are a dork (boring). you are not even really who i'm supposed to have a crush on, even my not-completely-gay side is supposed to find you tedious, like have you met svetlana? have you met sasha? i like danger i am a tigershirtwearingtotheclub bad boy (the tiger says im cool dont worry about it) and a sex god and you can't even break a rule about where to smoke a cigarette you are so squeaky clean its hard to even look right at you, and I think I JUST THINK !!!!! that ilya is actually irritated by shane's uncoolness at first (HEAR ME OUT) like ilya is irked by it like shanes good boy ness ruffles ILYAS feathers because it flies in the face of what ilya knows to be true which is that good guys are suckers good guys get taken advantage of your goodness cant save you and if it can then maybe your world is too different from mine because thats not the way the real world works like shane is nothing like what ilya thought he'd fall for and i don't think it was love at first sight i think ilya was being sincere in wanting to roll his eyes and feeling annoyed and legitimately teasing shane because he didn't -AT FIRST- respect him, or at least he wanted to knock him down a peg, and then shane was like, ok so if you knock me down a peg what if I try really hard to earn your respect and THAT is when ilya really noticed shane for the first time because that's what teasing was MADE for like someone who earnestly tries hard and cares about quality is so ripe for teasing and bullying and the thing is ilya is walking a VERY thin line between teasing from a place of his fragile ego and his trauma-tinged-desire and not pushing shane too far but still pushing SOMETHING on shane because shane likes to be pushed (which is insane its insane that ilya found his freaking soulmate of a likes-to-be-pushed-around boy in someone who ilya finds dorky and boring but then the boring becomes so erotic because look at his boy THATS HIS BOY his boring canadian freckled boy he hit the freaking LOTTERY) like every bully-that-secretly-wants-to-be-loved's dream and I think its worth exploring it as that as ilya being a bully sometimes as real meanness spilling out in places that make it messy as shane experiencing bullying but feeling something complicated from it like attention but the wrong kind but the wrong is wrapped up in something good too like theres something sweet and theres something sinister and sometimes its hard to tell which is which

I shoved a nerd in my locker. so nobody steals my precious nerd

Dirt 🤝 🎵🎶

A common theme in science fiction is that if you're in space, don't trust a corporation. And Earth is in space

he's like if a father figure was a sex toy

I just want my OTP to derrive meaning from each other in a way that would be incredibly unhealthy and codependent if two people did that in real life but is profoundly poetic and romantic within the context of a fictional piece of media in consuming.

Any educator who doesn't feel this on a visceral level has never had to experience the psychic pain of reading the phrase "Unused York City."

I'm trying to hide my plagiarism but the clapping of my sinister buttocks keeps alerting the lecturer