shut up, and let me see your jazz hands

Voting is open through July 31st, 2026. Thank you SO much to anyone who has voted for my piece so far!

some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort

there’s just something so awesome about a character you love getting really badly hurt

oh so we really are just repackaging the 'judeo-bolshevism' conspiracy but for Latinos and Muslims, awesome

in all seriousness though this is a terrifying escalation in rhetoric, and frankly, i would call it genocidal language being aimed at Cubans in particular, but Latin America more broadly.

it's weird that so few people seem to know that mormons largely run the troubled teen industry. ppl will imply that I'm religiously intolerant when I badmouth mormonism and it's like well. they child trafficked me. so. lol

it's why Utah has the worst youth rights laws in the country; bc the troubled child industry lobby fights all legislation designed to give kids more rights. it's a state-supported industry of child abuse run by the Mormon church 🤷

Y'all need to be watching Widow's Bay. It's on AppleTV, but it's also other places, IYKYK, drop me an ask if you'd like to watch but don't currently have a way to do so.

ok so ilya freaking out over a tender lil forehead kiss when he himself delivers hundreds of tender lil kisses all over shane's body every time he has that man naked underneath him is hypocritical but doesn't it also really, really track... he's allowed to show incredible gentleness and care to others... but the second someone indicates that they might see him as also deserving of gentleness and care he flips out. NOT allowed. on account of him being rotten inside & fundamentally undeserving of care & so on and so forth. also what if they act like they care about you and then they abruptly and without warning take it away. and you let yourself think it might be real??? universe loves nothing more than to getcha like that and ilya rozanov will NOT be punk'd

I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.

….yeah me too.

Me three.

Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”

I have not laughed that hard in so long I literally cannot remember when.

@apocrypals

no one is coming to save yo- wrong!! everyone who has ever shown you love and/or care is saving you a little bit.

media literacy includes understanding why a media product was made, to whom it's being sold, and the assumed preferences of its marketing demographic. narrative is not produced or sold in a vacuum.

you might be totally correct that your ship would be narratively satisfying. I don't know, I'm not watching your show. Whether your ship is likely to happen on the show is a whole different question to whether it's satisfying, because the show is being sold to Netflix or Amazon or the BBC, and they are purchasing a show they think they can market to a particular demographic and that demographic isn't you, the nightmarishly online tumblr user. The show is being made for marketability to a constructed average viewer. It is being funded with that audience in mind. This art is being made to commission, and commissioned art is art, but at some point you have to stop expecting the Church to commission a statue of Lucifer fucking St Michael. It might be narratively satisfying, but that's just not what they're paying for.