I'LL DRIFT AWAY!

alvin the chipmunk sold me a fake juul pod in the library parking lot when i was 14 and when i confronted him about it he pretended he couldn’t talk like a person anymore so everyone just thought i was yelling at a normal chipmunk. that little fucker is not normal. he can sing and dance and he can steal and cheat i hate him so much.

on my "don't walk to metlife" post I kept seeing people say that drivers would "bergentruck" pedestrians on the turnpike and it turns out that that's a reference to an Undertale meme where a character purposefully runs over people, but the portion of the jersey turnpike that goes to metlife is bergen county, and I had just instantly accepted that there was a term specifically referring to jersey drivers from there. I didn't even question it. Neither would you, if you had ever driven there.

let's all go out and buy pink refreshing citrusy fruity sexually arousing drinks

My idiot son Bart stole my rings

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

dude, this is really scary, and liminal as well. It's like the bathrooms

every political scandal has to be called ____gate now because 54 years ago a guy named blowjob told reporters there were bugs in the democrat offices

if i was in the world cup well i would just score a goal Lol then if the other team scored one i'd score another