I am Made of Memories

i am so bewitched by yoshiki tsujinaka. imagine losing the person you’re closest to in the world, who knows you better than anyone. you literally find his dead body and feel so sick over it that you pass out for days and then you wake up and he's back. he's back and for six months you know he's not the same but you're too scared to say something. he’s dead but he’s also right next to you, living, walking, talking. still playing video games at your house and leaving his homework in your bookbag and you can't help but love him on instinct. he's the only person who's ever understood you and you want it to be enough and secretly, sometimes, it almost is. after all, he loves you, right? maybe even more than before, or different than before. but then sometimes you wake up crying from dreaming of him, or you walk into his bedroom and it's torture, the way that it's still exactly the same, and the only person you want to talk to about it died alone and scared on top of a mountain. every day is a nightmare, it feels unreal, and you can't sleep or breathe right and maybe you think you deserve it, for how twisted up you are inside–how broken. and you're the only one who knows, the only one who can grieve him, this boy that was so bright and strong and loved.