some human guillotine

Imagine this band of ugly guys starting out as “untalented Brits drive women hysterical for no good reason” and then watching men be like “actually this is ours now it’s not for ladies this is good music women can’t understand” in less than half a decade.

Healthy love wants to see a loved one accept love with gladness and confidence, not shame and feelings of unworthiness. Healthy love wants the loved one to truly know deep down that they are worthy of love and care and respect, and to respond with reciprocation, not gratitude.

The people who love you in a healthy way do not need or want for you to make yourself as small as possible. They don’t want or need you to minimize your own needs and desires, they don’t need or want you to act like they’re doing you a giant favour by treating you with love and respect. The people who love you in a healthy way will be so glad if you accept their love as something you deserve. They won’t think you’re being selfish or self-centred or full of yourself if you accept love with reciprocation and not self-effacing gratitude - in fact, they will be glad!

Because healthy love wants to see YOU healthy and happy, and you aren’t either while you’re letting poisonous self-hatred fester in you. Whoever planted those seeds, you aren’t obligated to tend the plant yourself. You do not have to be a shrine to those who have treated you badly. You can tear out self-hatred wherever you find it, and the people who love you will not only agree you are entitled to do so, they will rejoice with you with each victory!

You deserve care and respect. The people who love you in a healthy way believe you deserve care and respect, and their belief doesn’t hinge on you cowering and acting self-effacing and denying your needs. Instead, their belief that you deserve care and respect means they don’t want you to act like you’re less than them, they don’t want you to constantly defer to their needs and desires, they want to be total equals! They want to just be asked for reassurance when you need it - people who love you in a healthy way don’t need to be manipulated into giving you bits of reassurance!

The people who love you in a healthy way do not need power over you in order to love you fully - they can love you even better the more you participate in the process of sharing your true self, what you actually need and want, who you actually are. Love is work that has to be tended together - that includes letting the people who love you do kindnesses for you instead of you always being the giver.

i decided to try a romcom i somehow missed i the 2000s 'head over heels' and i got 3 and a half minutes in and we're introduced to the lonely MC with bad taste in men as evidenced by her extremely short list of ex boyfriends, including her first boyfriend when she was 11 or something because i guess that's still relevant in her adult life.

so she's resigned herself to never finding love and prefers to ignore men to focus all her energy into her career.

this job is immediately presented as though it's for spinsters with no hope of ever finding a man.

the mc's lesbian bestie (whose first line involves her being scolded for being too sexual in the workplace, but moving on) points out their colleagues as evidence that they're doomed to a romance-less, sexless life if they don't switch up their shared career path. the colleagues are three old women, so-dubbed "the menopause triplets":

these women are presented as if they have no idea what's going on at any given moment. this is 2001, and presumably this is an entry level job requiring low effort and no experience.

then their boss bursts into the room, unceremoniously bumping a large painting into the door jam and walls, announcing that it's a new project for our MC.

our MC is thrilled to see the painting. apparently it's a light in the daily slog at her dreary job for loser women with nothing going on in their lives.

And that job is? Conservator of paintings (specializing in Renaissance) at the New York City Metropolitan Museum of Art.

The painting being handled like an old couch on its way to the curb?

The Bacchanal of the Andrians by Titian.

Her lesbian colleague who is presumably also a a highly trained & skilled curator finds it depressing that the MC is so excited about the painting.

1) easy to obtain and

2) much less important than finding a man

Gullah & Early AAVE

Gumbo – From Bantu kingombo (okra), brought by enslaved Africans and became the name of the Creole stew thickened with okra.

Goober – From Kikongo nguba, the Bantu word for peanut that entered American English via enslaved Africans.

Yam – From West African languages (e.g., Wolof nyami, "to eat"), brought over during the slave trade and adopted into Southern cuisine.

Banjo – From a Bantu root (mbanza), the instrument was crafted by enslaved Africans based on West African string instruments.

Bogus – Likely from Hausa boko-boko (deceitful, fraudulent), entering American English through African American speech in the 19th century.

Juke (box/joint) – From Gullah juke (rowdy, disorderly), derived from Wolof dzug (to live wickedly), later attached to roadside bars.

Tote (to carry) – From West African languages (e.g., Kikongo tota, "to pick up"), recorded in Gullah before spreading to mainstream English.

Dig (to understand) – From Wolof degg (to understand), popularized by jazz musicians in the 1930s after entering English through AAVE.

Jazz – Possibly from West African or Creole slang for energy/sex, first documented in AAVE in Chicago around 1912.

Okay (OK) – Though its origin is debated, strong evidence traces it to West African languages (e.g., Wolof waw kay) via enslaved Gullah speakers.

Hip/Hep – From Wolof hipi (to open one's eyes, to be aware), entering jazz slang in the early 1900s before going mainstream.

Hepcat – A compound of "hep" + "cat" (jazz slang for a person), literally meaning "one who has his eyes open" in West African-influenced jazz culture.

Jazz, Blues & 1940s–60s Era

Cool (as in fashionable/calm) – Originated in jazz circles, likely from saxophonist Lester Young, and entered mainstream via West African aesthetic concepts of composure.

Cat – A jazz-era term for a skilled musician or cool person, derived from West African-influenced jive talk.

Crib – Jazz slang for a house or apartment, popularized in the 1940s before becoming mainstream in the 1990s.

Hokum – AAVE slang for nonsense or BS, used in blues and jazz before being adopted more widely.

Diss – Short for "disrespect," coined in AAVE and popularized through hip-hop in the 1980s and 1990s.

Bad (meaning good) – From AAVE, where inversion of meaning creates emphasis (something so "bad" it's actually good), used since early jazz era.

Jive – AAVE slang for deceptive talk or a style of jazz dancing, used by Cab Calloway in his 1930s Hepster Dictionary.

1970s–90s (Hip-Hop & Pre-Internet Era)

Homeboy/Homegirl – AAVE for a close friend from one's neighborhood, popularized in hip-hop and later shortened to "homes" in casual speech.

Dope (meaning great) – Shifted from "stupid" in standard English to "excellent" in AAVE during the 1980s hip-hop era.

Props – Short for "proper respects" in AAVE, used in hip-hop to acknowledge skill or achievement before entering mainstream slang.

Word (as in "I agree") – AAVE interjection ("Word!" or "Word is bond") meaning "I'm telling the truth," derived from Nation of Islam teachings.

Phat (meaning cool/great) – AAVE acronym believed to stand for "Pretty Hot And Tempting," though likely an invented backronym; popularized in 90s hip-hop.

The Bomb – AAVE phrase for something excellent or top-quality, widely used in hip-hop lyrics before mainstream adoption.

Def – AAVE slang for "excellent," popularized by Run-DMC's "King of Rock" and 80s hip-hop culture.

Fresh – AAVE for stylish or excellent, used in early hip-hop and 80s pop culture before spreading globally.

Wack – AAVE for "bad, inferior, uncool," popularized in hip-hop and later mainstream youth speech as the opposite of "cool."

Hella – AAVE intensifier meaning "very" or "a lot of," originating in Oakland/Bay Area AAVE in the 1970s-80s.

Cap / No Cap – AAVE meaning "lie" and "no lie," popularized by Bay Area rap in the 2010s, derived from "capping" (exaggerating).

1990s–2000s (Internet Adoption & Ballroom Culture)

Slay – From AAVE and Black ballroom culture (Paris is Burning, 1990), meaning to do something extremely well, now mainstream via social media.

Spill the Tea – From AAVE (originally "spill the T," with "T" meaning truth), popularized by drag culture and Black queer communities.

Shade (as in insult) – From Black ballroom culture (documented in Paris is Burning), meaning a subtle insult, now used broadly in pop culture.

Reading (as in insulting) – From ballroom culture ("reading" someone), meaning to publicly insult with wit, immortalized in Paris is Burning.

Kiki – AAVE from ballroom culture meaning a casual gathering for gossip or chatting, later mainstreamed through pop music (e.g., Kesha).

Fierce – AAVE and ballroom term meaning exceptionally good or intense, applied to fashion, performance, or attitude.

Woke – From AAVE meaning socially and politically aware, first used in 1940s Black activism before resurging with Black Lives Matter.

Shook – AAVE meaning startled or upset, used in 1990s New York hip-hop (e.g., Mobb Deep) before mainstream adoption in the 2010s.

On Fleek – AAVE phrase meaning perfectly executed, coined in a 2014 Vine by Peaches Monroee, one of the last pre-AI viral AAVE innovations.

Finna – From AAVE contraction of "fixing to" (preparing to), documented in Southern AAVE for decades before wider use and dictionary recognition.

Chile – A phonetic spelling of "child" in Southern AAVE, used as a term of endearment or exclamation since at least the 1970s (The Wiz, 1978).

2010s–Present (Social Media & Gen Z Slang Pipeline)

Lit – AAVE meaning exciting or excellent (originally "intoxicated" or "on fire"), popularized in hip-hop before becoming a Gen Z staple.

Bae – AAVE term of endearment meaning "before anyone else" or just a shortened form of "babe/baby," mainstreamed in the 2010s.

Ratchet – AAVE originally meaning a rowdy, aggressive woman (from "wretched"), later used to describe anything wild or out of control.

Turnt – AAVE meaning excited or intoxicated, from "turned up" in hip-hop lyrics, mainstreamed in early 2010s party slang.

Clap Back – AAVE for a sharp, witty comeback or retaliation, popularized in hip-hop (e.g., Ja Rule's 2003 song "Clap Back") before internet slang.

Bussin' – AAVE meaning delicious or excellent, applied to food or anything great, popularized on TikTok in the 2020s.

Sus – AAVE shortening of "suspicious" or "shady," used for decades before Among Us made it a global meme in 2020.

Snatched – AAVE originally describing flawless hair/makeup or a tight waist, now used to praise anything perfectly executed.

Periodt – AAVE emphatic form of "period" (meaning "end of discussion"), with a hard "t" for emphasis, popularized on Black Twitter before global use.