some human guillotine

i'll always meet someone described as not friendly, and it's just a person who doesn't smile or talk a lot unwarranted. I feel like I have to continuously explain to people that this is not inherently hostile behavior

okay but are you going to be understanding if your dom is a little nervous and not as suave as you'd expect their first few times when domming you? are you going to make them feel comfortable enough to slip into the role without making them feel stupid about it? are you going to accept that real sex is not always as rigid as it would seem in text posts or your fantasies and that it is okay if there are some unserious moments in between the intensity? do you understand that we are all just people having fun and we need to be gentle with each other when showing this vulnerability?

^^^

has anyone else noticed that pretty much everyone who is worth knowing seems to be doing really bad all of the time and is never allowed a moment's respite from all the pointless cruelties and horrors ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone

if some people find me annoying and can't stand me because of how i think and act then that means i'm a fully realized human being with my own personality and opinions and free will and not just a reflective surface for other people's desires, which is in fact a good thing despite what people who want you to just be a reflection of their own opinions and desires will tell you, and why being considered "cringe" or whatever doesn't bother me at all

also it's really funny when you're confident enough in yourself to know that people not liking you isn't always a sign that you're the problem. like there's something undeniably hilarious about being aware your mere existence has the power to piss someone off and ruin their day and i recommend embracing it.

australian sour patch kids have gluten in them i am truly at my fucking limit im crashing out im waging war against wheat idgaf anymore

oh is that one of those things where ableist companies put in traces of common allergens so they can just avoid the cost of making it safe

WHAT

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.

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he wasn’t even there to be a contestant he joined the crew as a CHINESE TEACHER but the directors noticed his good looks and begged him to compete. poor guy made it to the finals and if he had been one of the winners he would have been contractually forced to be in a boy band whether he wanted to or not

this is the closest any human being has ever come to actually being sold to One Direction

I would travel to [redacted] to sit on her couch

$50/315

$60/315

$70/315