a poet's heart.

ATTENTION WICKED'S RESTERS:

Are you announcing you find raccoons hot?

[This, too, is forwarded to User. He uses a work computer, logged into the WRFD accounts, so it's not as obvious it's him.]

Oh, I think stripping is a very important thing to know how to do properly. What if there's toxic gas on their uniforms? They'll need to get out of them. What if I'm wearing a firefighter uniform and get toxic gas on it and have never seen anyone take it off before? I wouldn't know how to do it! It's your civic duty to demonstrate it, I'd say.

I wouldn't want to be offensive, no. However, some concerns are more important than whether or not I offend anyone. Safety, for one. So, all things considered, July might be your best option. [...] Unless you're tryin' to pull one over on me. You wouldn't happen to be lyin', would you?

Oh, so the queers have to have our inspections done in July, do we? You'd like to separate the queer inspections from the rest of them? That's an interesting stance to take. Very interesting. [...] Of course I'm not lying.

Oh I would rock it, there's no question about it. I just don't want the masses thinking that's the new normal. Access to Rosemary Kane in a cute bra or sparkly pasties is extremely limited. At 38, am as 'in my own' as I think I'm ever going to get. I love a burlesque moment, don't get me wrong. I just don't want to be the one on stage doing it. Or walking around town like I ought to be.

Wouldn't you feel a bit like a prude if everyone else had it all hanging out and you were wearing normal clothes, though? I'm looking out for you here, love. I don't want you feeling othered.

It really would be! I think the road to world peace is by everyone taking off their shirts. Ugh, yes, exactly! They'd be way less depressing if I could see some shirtless men. Right now it's just like, ugh, overcast and dreary AND people have shirts on? Awful!!!

I agree wholeheartedly. Did you know there are people who believe taking your shirt off could never save the world? Cleary they learned nothing from Hugh Jackman's stint as that hairy superhero! Even if they can't save the world, they can save us a dreadfully dreary afternoon.

Haven't [...] thought about my chest like that, no. Just a chest, good to protect the lungs and shit.

It's good for much more than that, I'm sure! People have lovely chests. People of all ages, at that!

I'd consider removing the hat if the sun wasn't in my eyes, but that'd be it. Okay, well that's a crazy hypothetical that would never happen. How would me taking off my pants ever save the world?

How would you remove it? Slowly, and with a lot of eye contact? Oh, I wouldn't be so sure! This town throws all sorts of crazy things at people. I dug a hole and saved the world, you know. [user literally did not even dig a hole.]

[pm] [user buys the tickets, sends baz the screenshots] It's a date! You're so right about that, babe. She's not just a pretty face. But whew, even if she was, I would have zero problem with that. LOL! I should've known you were going somewhere with that comment. But totes, British actors are just built different. Or maybe we are just fooled by their fancy accents? :/ Aw thanksies <3 I hope so too. I gotta make sure people tell Regan she pulled a MILF Did ya? That's nice. Maybe bigger isn't always better, then. As a shortie I'm cosigning on that.

[pm] [user is pleased to have plans with someone and pleased to have not had to spend their own money for it.] Wonderful! I'll be looking forward to it. We'll have to dress nice for it, of course. She does have a very pretty face, so I think she could get away with being a far worse actress if she wanted to. But she's not one to phone it in! Us Brits appreciate a bit of hard work. [user has never worked hard.] I think shorties are lovely.

Exactly. No room for excuses anymore. Suns out, tits out, is what I believe. Even if the sun isn't out, the tits should be.

Exactly. The world would be a better place if we all had our tits out. And you're right, it shouldn't just be limited to sunny days! Dreary ones would be nicer if we had tits to look at.

No, there is not. My shirt stays on. [...] As do the rest of my clothes.

All of them? That's a bit boring. What if you were wearing a hat? Would you at least take the hat off? What if the world were to end and you could save it by removing your trousers?

I understand. That's what everyone's proud of this month? Want... other people to be proud of their chest too?

Oh, sure. Why wouldn't I? Everyone ought to be proud of their chests. Are you proud of yours?

[pm] Ooooh yes, put on some oil before you go. Make you shine in the sun.

[pm] Obviously. Have to make sure I'm giving you the very best, don't I?

What are y This makes you [...] proud? In what way

Well, I am very proud of my chest, I suppose. [user is incapable of putting two and two together here.]

[User signs her name. She then signs the names for all of her taxidermy animals in her office. There's a lot of signatures with the last name Rhodes.]

[user is thrilled to see a new name added to the petition, and even more thrilled to see multiple new names added. they recognize the fraud, but they approve of it.]