#kellydays

Well, it was in the copy, so I told [...] a lot of folks that? [User knows what Viv's getting at. For sure. Definitely.] You already got the kid's approval, so I'd say you're high up. High chair level, at least. Speakin' of... Chief Captain Lieutenant Flip Brooks [...] has a lot of titles, huh? Think Zack said they stopped by the other day, so I'm sure the kid's done a thorough inspection of his own. I'm just doin' a spot check, places he can't really reach. Sorry to disappoint. P.S. Could make it in [d: before the full moon] this weekend. Don't know how convincin' you think I am, but I'd have to really, y'know, believe in the product. Think Flip and I can sneak a sample? Order from the secret, Viv-approved menu? - Non-Chief Non-Captain Non-Lieutenant Kelly Brooks

​[user snorts.] High chair level. The pinnacle of approval.

He's earned them. Don't disrespect my favorite firefighter now. Zack did swing in with him, yeah. Made me do a double take when I saw my backpack bitch with the kid. [user is fully aware this is public. Hi Zack! You've been promoted to Viv's elite employee!] I guess being massive has it's advantages. I'll make sure Gus has everything Just Firefighter Kelly Brooks approved for whenever you drop in on Official Business.

P.S. I don't know, you lay on the southern charm and you compliment his cooking enough, you might not have Gus's panties dropping, but you might be able to sneak an off menu item out of him. But you have to ask the waitress very nicely.

Do I wanna know? Somethin’ tells me I don’t. […] Well, whatever it is, you have my support.

​I dunno Kelly, I think you wanna know. At least a little bit. Like this 🤏. I mean, why wouldn't you? I get it. The nosy bug is one I'm totally familiar with. Then again, all of this would sorta imply I'm up to something? And that's defo not the case. NUH UH. That was a totally innocent post to hype my friend. :) I appreciate you for supporting friendship and nice smelling people! We could all use more Kellys in our lives. Can you believe people think I got hacked?

[To calm down after that Smokey comment, User reviewed the local ordinances.] Partially correct! It's the only thing y'all call on us for unless shit a forest fire starts going sideways, you mean. But what I think your firefighters would tell you is that, if the problem's big enough, they'd take any help they can get. [...] And if we want to get all technical about it, you're over in West Station territory. If there's a structure fire, the call goes out to them, then to East Station only if it's fully involved. [...] Also, just sayin', that quip don't even make sense. You work for the State Park. Y'all license Smokey. If anyone's Smokey the fuckin' Bear, it's you. Don't put that evil on me. [User thinks about the fact this is technically an official communication from the WRFD. User clicks "send" anyway.]

Don't tell me what I mean, you wh Right! Well, yeah. All hands on deck in that case, of course. Obviously. [...] So I'm guessing you're at East Station, then? That's the other side of the river mostly, huh. Do you live over that way? In those fancy ass neighborhoods Why're you doing our inspections then? Are you an intern they need to keep busy?

Why don't you go fuck yourself Whoa, who said I meant that as an insult? We love Smokey the Bear in this house. He's a national treasure. You'd think a firefighter would appreciate the effort toward educating the public about forest fires. [User has half a mind to go through Daniel's phone to change Kelly's contact information to "Smokey" but she does actually like the mascot and doesn't want to sully his good name.]

[pm] [User did send Eve a birthday text, in case y'all were wondering.] Sorry that I missed the festivities. Tied up with work and Flip. Next time, alright? I did get you a little somethin', but it's been delayed by our fantastic national postal system. And no, I ain't tellin' you what it is. [d: Not lovin' the aquatic metaphors. Just sayin'.] True. Ma always told my brothers that. Think she knew I'd just be guessin' at shit, though, 'cause I didn't get the same lecture. So, have you been? [...] Testin' the waters, I mean? [User is being nosy.] Ain't made my way over there, quite yet, but I'll keep that in mind. [...] That mean I'll have to go through vettin', too, before they let me [d: cruise] shoot my shot? Probably for the best. Though, it ain't like I'll be able to [...] cook another ranger dinner, at my place. [Sorry, Eve. Don't think too hard about this. It's weird for User, too.] What with the kid. Y'all are cool with it. Can't be sure a stranger would be. At the very least, it'd harsh the vibe. Even if he weren't... y'know. [User doesn't want to type Flip's species into this, as it could be hacked. User doesn't see the irony that he's talking about ranger and warden topics here.]

​[pm] Hey, sorry for missing this message. No worries, i totally get it! Very excited for the postal system to stop fucking arround, I'll just have to be patient.

I test the waters, but most [user can no longer count Rosemary or Emilio] all of my closest friends are hunters. I have a few human friends too, at the library and in the running clubs I volunteer at, but the secret's always gonna be an issue.

[Upon receiving Baz's... party favor, User remembered.]

[Baz receives a video of the User, sitting at the edge of his bed. It is clearly current, as the User's arm is still in a cast and a sling.]

[...Well, that, and the oil portrait has been propped against the headboard.]

[The striptease isn't all that good. (Baz should really have delayed their gratification, here. User could've put on an actual show.) As it stands, the video is almost uncomfortably long as User struggles to remove his shirt with one hand. Then, as User struggles with his belt. Then, as User struggles to untie his boots. The sole spot of light, here, is that the User is clearly struggling not to grin at the camera. He thinks he's being very, very funny.]

[User moves to take off his pants, but stops after undoing the button, wags his finger, and strips off his sling instead, throwing it at the camera.]

[The video ends abruptly. Happy birthday, Baz!]

[ One might have expected Baz to forget about the gift they begged Kelly to send them, but only if one didn't know Baz particularly well. Anyone who knows Baz at all would know that they would never forget such a request. Thus, when the message comes through from Kelly, Baz is delighted but not surprised. ]

[ They watch the video like it's a live sport, cheering and oohing and ahing as it progresses. When it ends short of seeing the full package, they boo to their empty living room. ]

I've a very important question, actually: is the inspection typically done shirtless? Can I put in a request for it to be done shirtless? We've a very important 'no shirt' mandate in the museum for June. It's a cultural thing tied to the exhibits.

[pm] Okay. Let me know a time that works for you, and I'll be there with toddler in tow. You have a better idea of what's good in town, and what you like, so go ahead and tell me where I'm headin' to grab dinner, too. My treat. [...] Hey, speakin' of Daniel and *your* injuries, I [...] might have let him know you went up against a lamia. Sorry. Figured you would've already told him, given y'all [d: are closer] [d: work together] [User realizes he's not really sure of their current dynamic, beyond Daniel mentioning that he'd stayed with Eve while injured. Like User told Daniel, it's not like User's gossiping about Daniel with Eve or vice-versa... Well, present moment aside.] got history. [User winces.] Not that I ain't glad you came to me, 'course. Don't want you thinkin' you shouldn't. [d: I know I wasn't there, but I would've] Healin', but slower than I'd like. Ain't been sittin' on my ass, though. Been patrollin' down in Netherville. [User links to the post about the explosion.] It's a long story, might be better suited for dinner, but don't worry: I covered my tracks. Ain't heard nothin' that suggests the WRFD or WRPD are any closer to puttin' that particular puzzle together.

​[pm] How about Friday night? And let's do the Thai-Tanic for take out.

Yeah, he said. No worries! I'd prefer it if you didn't in future, I like being in control of how I tell people things, but it's no big deal.

No shirts in June? [...] Oh, like, for Pride Month? [User seriously considers this.] Well, I don't mean to criticize the efforts at inclusivity, but I don't think I can accommodate that policy. Sorry 'bout that. We could reschedule for July, maybe? [d: Also, I don't see what that has to do with natural history.] [d: I don't want to disrespect a culture, though...] [d: Wait. Can I disrespect my own culture?] [User will ask more if he needs to.]

​Well, that's a bit offensive, innit? It's part of my culture, I'll have you know. It's actually a bit offensive for inspections to be done with shirts on. You wouldn't want to be offensive, would you Mr. Firefighter?