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@danielabrams
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[pm] Oh, fuck off. Don't treat me like a kid, Abrams.
[pm] Hard not to when you're acting like one.
Thank you! I really appreciate it! And no, thankfully he's just the one in terms of gnomes. Although if you happen to notice an overabundance of lawn flamingos where they shouldn't be, you might want to message me for that too. That's a whole other problem.
Sure.
[pm] You've got quite a lot of interesting lawn item issues. Gnomes and flamingos? Are the flamingos dangerous too?
[pm] [user feels a little sick] I asked you not to
Okay, you've made your point.
[pm] And that point is ...?
[user, unsurprisingly, doesn't show up]
[pm, sometime after he finishes cleaning any piece of evidence he can find] No show, huh? You must have so many priorities. But don't worry about it. I cleaned up whatever I could find. Noticed the lack of a body too.

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[pm] Christ, you sound like my da [User shuts that train of thought down viscerally]
I just have higher priorities than a tree most people wouldn't look twice at. I'm handling it.
[pm] Whatever. Come handle it then. I'll see you there for the cleaning in around an hour. [User is already heading back over there. He'll be there way sooner than in an hour. He's just saying an hour to see if Eve will try to beat him there.]
[pm] [...] There's no need. I'll clean it up soon anyway. Yeah, no shit. It's on me for carrying a 9mm just because it's easier to hide in my running gear. Won't do that again.
I've had medical care, it wasn't that bad. Not sure there's more you need to know. You've made it clear that hunters getting attacked isn't your concern anymore.
[pm] When is soon? It's already been two weeks. I'll clean it later this evening. [...] Great plan.
Sure, just a minor injury would keep you from cleaning up after yourself. And I care plenty, or else I wouldn't be asking.
@madisonnotmaddie replied to your post “[pm] It is my birthday, would you like to get ice...”:
[pm] Well, yes, I have at least one friend and a bunch of teammates but you are also my friend. I am twenty!
[pm] Right. [...] Ain't sure about the ice cream thing. Maybe something else. God you're fucking young [...] You still trying to be a ranger or did you finally give that up?
[pm] Head back there later? Nah, you don't have to do that. I'm not lacking in firearms, I just need to stop going for concealed carry size on my runs, even on National Park territory.
Nope!
[pm] Sure, just to see if there's anything else I missed. Like a Glock. Not sure you'd get away with a rifle on your back without getting some park rangers interrupting your runs. Better off with the concealed pistol and a takedown rifle in a backpack.
[...] Alright.
[... ... ...] You wanna tell me what happened?
[pm] Maybe. You didn't happen to find my Glock as well, did you? Sure. You can drop them in my postbox, I'm out a lot at the moment. [User is not out a lot at the moment, but she wouldn't let any friends who drop by in either]
[pm] Nope, but I’m heading back there later, so I’ll keep my eye out. And I’ll drop off one of my pistols for you. Consider it a gift […] So you gonna tell me what happened or What “wildlife” came afterLotta blood in that tree. Anything else I need to be on the lookout for?

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[pm] [..........] Can't have been that far out in the open if you only just found them.
[pm] Maybe no one else wanted to touch some random knives. You want them back?
Going outdoors is different than camping in the National Park with the highest disappearance rate in the continent.
Sure. Just thinking about the optics of it, is all.
Most people go camping here and have a pleasant time. You deep into some conspiracy theory or something?
It's a weak argument if someone wants to blame me for nature being nature. It's always been cruel and deadly.
[pm] [user sends two photos of the knives he found, that he assumes are Eve's.] These yours? Just right out in the open where anyone could spot them. [...] Found the tree too.
[A route accidentally posts on Eve's Strava. It's a route in the Pines that Eve has run frequently, but part way through the route, she veers drastically off course. This pace, while still within normal human parameters, is fast by any metrics, and far faster than all of Eve's other runs (that she's posted on Strava)]
[Daniel has been thinking about this odd route ever since Eve posted it. It's a trail that he's ran often enough, so he instantly recognized how she went off the beaten path. He noticed, too, how she stopped recording her runs after this. He found it strange, but he wasn't going to comment on it. Not when he could tell she was pissed off at him.
But it stayed on his mind so much that he decided to go run the route himself. When he reached the area where he thought she went off course, he stopped his run to look around and look around. Maybe see if something grabbed his eye. Most of the earth was beaten with hiking boots and tennis shoes--nothing atypical for the trail. He knew it was a long shot investigating so long after the fact, but he still searched for ... he wasn't sure what he was searching for. A flash of reflected sunlight drew his attention towards a knife, lodged into the mud with only the tip of its blade poking out. Another glance around and he found another knife partially buried in the mud. Could just be some random knives. They didn't necessarily mean anything.
He stood back up and went back to look at Eve's strava post. He looked around to try to find the exact path. Off to one side, in the direction he thought she ran, he noticed a couple young trees had been toppled down into the earth. He followed the path, or whatever was left of it for him to track. Too much weather and rain had washed away most of what may have been here. The trail ran cold, so he pulled out his phone and guesstimated which direction to go.
Tree's nose was practically planted to the ground as she sniffed out something that interested her. He followed after her, while still scanning the area for anything that caught his eye. Not too far ahead of him, Tree let out her loud hound dog bark, alerting him that she found something. (Probably a squirrel, knowing her.) He found her sniffing at a tree. He didn't immediately see anything at first until the stench hit his nose. He crinkled his face and looked at the tree more closely. He spotted claw marks along the opening into the tree, as if something was trying to rip it open to get inside. He ducked his head inside the tree, and the smell of weeks old blood clinging to the bark overwhelmed him. He covered his nose with his hand as he snapped a few photos of the inside of the tree and also a few photos of the marks on the outside of the tree. He followed a similar path back to the main trail. He took photos of the two knives before grabbing them and taking them with him.
He doesn't know exactly what happened here, but it's not hard to guess that something attacked Eve. He knows Eve is alive--she was just acting bratty towards him, but that doesn't ease his mind. Especially after her comment about "wildlife" in designated areas. Like "wildlife" attacking people on popular trails.]
Stopping people is different to not encouraging it, just saying!
Not much is.
And the wildlife keeps track of the designated areas too, I'm sure.
Oh, am I supposed to encourage people to not enjoy the great outdoors? Yeah right.
[...] Still not my fault if the wildlife decides to mess around at a campground.
[pm] Booooooooo!!!! 🍅🍅🍅🍅 I'll pick my battles though, we defo need to get Emilio on board. I'll tackle you after. I assume You'll want a bachelor party at some point. [...] Good question. I've never asked her what he's paying her. She does give the vibe that she's not from around. As in, like actual human society but Maybe she's freeloading in exchange. Tree can defo come, in fact, it would ruin the party if she didn't. [...] I think we can do whatever we want to do, you know? The strip club cliche is so tired.
LOL! I hope you know I'm picturing a tiny mini you instead of an actual kid while talking about this. It makes it cuter, I think. Maybe one day, you never know! [user has a moment where she wonders if saying rawdogging would be insulting to Daniel's partner, she scraps the thought] I was always more into the idea of being a cool auntie. Unfort, none of my 4 (!) siblings wanna make me happy, I guess :/ And then being like, solid with Regan finally made me consider them for myself. But we already agreed that it's not happening.
OOOH! Wait, in the words of my queen Celine, it's all coming back to me now. This was Clem's masterpiece, you're so right. I love that gal. She's a terrible runner, but still agreed to come with me to find the Wienermobile. That's a real friend right there. Sadly no Wienermobiles were caught. But #wemove. But yup, that has all the vibes of a Worm Row special. There's a mime motel, btw. Also in Worm Row, so... be careful. Or Are you seriously not interested or just like playing it sa
[pm] Just offer him some whiskey and he'll probably do whatever we want. [...] Maybe. Hopefully she's getting paid decently. p...] Good. Tree and Perro like each other, so I'm sure they'll have fun doing their own thing. Hm, okay, well, you know the guy better than I do, so I'm sure you'll think of all sorts of fun ways to torture him for his very real bachelor party for a legitimate marriage.
Oh god. Sure, just imagine some weird mini version of me. Doubt a kid would have a mustache, but why not. They'd probably end up similar enough to me anyway. [...] Yeah, maybe. I don't think Talia I don't know if Talia wants It's probably for the best that I don't bring a kid into this world [User has a sudden realization that he'll never be an uncle. Unless Talia reconnects with one of her siblings or something.] You'd think with four siblings that at least one of them would have a kid. They better hurry up, just for you. I could see you as a cool aunt. And that makes sense. Having that sort of conversation with Regan and figuring it out. What made y'all decide against kids?
Wienermobile? She mentioned something about that to me. But I can't keep up with any of that stuff. Are you aware that she's a shifter A mime motel ... I hate that. That's stupid. What is with all these mimes in this town?

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Is encouraging folks to go camping overnight in the local area really a great idea? People get cocky; they think once they've done it with a local guide, they can do it by themselves.
I knows it's your job and all, but oof, it's dangerous out there. All those undiscovered mining tunnels and shit, you know? I wouldn't want that on your conscience.
Can’t stop people from hiking and camping, Eve. Ain’t my problem if they ignore all the signs saying to stay on the trail or only camp in designated areas. I can’t stop them from thinking they can get out onto the backcountry all on their own. You certainly can’t stop them.
Wouldn’t be on my conscience. That’d be their own stupidity for ignoring the signs and being unprepared.
You’re just collecting them as pets now aren’t you? Domesticating the monsters you’re meant to put down.
She's not my pet. She's my She's not a literal dog I ain't domesticating anyone She's my girlfriend, he's my friend, and they ain't my pets. And that other one is just some kid anyway Maybe they don't need to be "put down" Man, what do you even want from me? Asking me about werewolves and now this shifter pet nonsense is all a bunch of bullshit
Ain’t sure what you’re talking about. I just got a hound. Sure she likes to hunt, but I wouldn’t call her a monster. She ain't hurt nobody.