Call of the Wild

I am new, and everyone keeps giving me cryptic warnings. I can't help but feel just a liiiiitle concerned about that. I haven't gotten any "oh, you'll love our rustic New England charm!" or even a "We have great chowder!" It's been nothing but "This is the Bad Things™ capital of the world, turn back!" But hey, if you say to keep my distance then I'll definitely listen. You don't have to tell me twice.

It's how they we haze the newbies. Warnin' you off. You get used to it. 'Sides, there're plenty of places in town that are safe enough and plenty of rustic New England charm to go around. [...] Don't think I've tried the chowder, though.

[pm] the fuck? Why? it's a cookie? [...] Dude, I don't fucking know. Someone baked a football field barbie cake. some local, apparently. I think it was red velvet.

[pm] Folks can lace cookies, Viv. I've been warned numerous times. Think someone's been watchin' too much television, though. Can't happen that often. [User's sense of self-preservation is battling with his interest in baked goods.] [...] Yeah, sure, why the fuck not. Bet they didn't drug the Barbie cake neither.

Appreciate that. At least we shouldn't have to worry about any fires in all this, but. Then again. Never say never. Trust some human tool unlucky SOB individual to find a way.

You'd hope, but, even if the locals and tourists all make nice, I don't trust this town not to there's always the possibility of a freak lightnin' strike. Catches fire to the top of a tree, soon the whole forest is outpacin' the rain. [...] Not that I think that's likely. We're far enough north that we're missin' the drought.

Har har. You know what I meant. But fine... yeah, let's have a hangout. Like the good old days. But plus one little crotch goblin. [ user wonders if those days are a thing that no longer within her grasp ]

[User will not be bringing Flip along but doesn't want Colt to get the wrong idea about why that is. He'll... probably just show up at her apartment, one day when he knows she isn't working.] It'll be good. [Right?]

So, then, you're gonna have yourself a drive out to Ranger Station. Sucks that you drew that straw. Or, whatever. That it's your turn on the rotation. Yeah, well, I probably would have hit you if you did whistle. Gene is always doing that and I [...] But we'll do our best to make it a quick in-and-out for you.

Nice drive, though! Can take some of the back roads through the woods, drive slow. [...] Think if we got in a scrape, the assault charges would cancel out? Eh, can't be. There'd be too many brawls at fundraisin' events, otherwise. Have to keep the cross-departmental conflict to a minimum.

[PM] He ate a dandelion one time. Or bit down on it anyway. Regretted that fast. [... ...] Yeah, definitely. Flip'll always be welcome You and Flip can come [...]

[pm] Just the one time for you, huh? Least he has human some teeth, now. When he was a gummy little fuck, he kept trying to mouth at 'em. Guess he thought he'd solved the problem, now that he can bite. But you can't solve most problems by bitin'. Better he learns that now.

Pardon the possibly dumb question, I'm new here. Are spooky foreboding ghost ships just a normal thing here? Is it just, like, a tourist attraction the town set up? I'll be honest, it's a really good one!

Tourist distraction, more like. Distractin' the dumb [...] fine tourists comin' to Wicked's Rest from our other [...] attractions. Some admittedly still dangerous. You said you're new here, right? [...] Keep your distance.

That's a strong wind and torrential rain warning in effect, folks! The foreseeable future would be a truly fantastic time to NOT be outside doing anything remotely hazardous. Batten the hatches and bond with your family, roommates, pets, and/or streaming services. Don't take unnecessary risks on treacherous roads, rocks, slopes, shores, or the sea! Your local Coast Guard thanks you for your service.

I know I speak for the other members of the WRFD when I say we salute the Coast Guard for bravin' the storm in these conditions. Consider this us cosigning the message, too. If it ain't an emergency, you don't need to be out in this. If it is an emergency, call 9-1-1 and let the professionals sort it out. Dispatch'll get you where you need to go.

[PM] [User is briefly panicked before he reads the message about it being a joke.] Yeah! That's all! You do a good job of not keeping anything around that he could swallow. I think he's growing out of it a little. Or, he's moved into just [...] biting things. But like I said, he's really good about listening when you tell him not to. I don't think we have to actually worry about him trying to eat Zippo.

[pm] Let's hope he keeps his human teeth out. Good at listenin' to you, you mean. Swear, that kid would eat the grass if you let him. Please don't let him. [...] I figure he'll be makin' guest appearances, wherever you land, so we should definitely go ahead and introduce him to Zippo now. Hope he remembers the little guy when he sees him next.

@kellydays replied to your post “Hello, treasured member of our business community...”:

No problem. Ain't the strangest question I've ever received—not by a long shot. Thanks for bein' [...] receptive to our visit, and I'll see y'all soon.

[pm] As the first victim, thanks for warning us btw! That was sarcasm. You didn't warn us. You dragged us down with you. How could you do that to your new lieutenant.

[pm] I didn't warn you 'cause I thought you were in on it, Lieutenant. I might have station seniority, but you've known these folks for longer than I have. Figured if anyone was gettin' pranked, it'd be me. We're too nice to the probies for that shit.

Yeah, because you're a baby. [...] Tch, no. We have way more interesting things to gossip about at West station, my dude. [...] Kids? Wait. You have a kid???? Since fucking when???

Since he was born. That's how kids work. [...] Look, you can interrogate me all you want, but let's save it for an in-person chat, alright? I got a couple questions of my own. Might be [...] nice. [For several reasons, User is dreading that, but better to rip off the Band-Aid, right?] Not like we've exactly hung out, since we both rolled into town.

@kellydays replied to your post “[User has been tasked with additional inspections,...”:

[pm] Well, I don't know if I'd go that far. Don't worry. Won't be askin' you to fill out a customer service survey or nothin'.

Too bad nicknames have a tendency to stick, accurate or not.

If you want me to ride, you're gonna have to try a little harder than [Wait. Public.]

[... ...] Okay, dude, we get it your dick is big or whatever, no need to Well, yeah, obviously. Do you wanna piss in a circle around the fire or People do all kinda things that don't make sense. Some of the other rangers here live all the way over in Deersprings and Harborside. Bummer you drew the short straw this time, then. I know I hate the admin shit that comes with the job.

[User doesn't feel bad, necessarily. If he... cools off considerably, it has nothing to do with wanting to make a decent impression on Daniel's girlfriend.]

[pm] [User doesn't care because he got the information he needed. Thanks, Kelly!] Ah, I'm sure she'll find it in her to forgive you for that one. Probably for the best to share that with me anyway. [... ... ...] Yeah, guess it'd be pretty weird. [User tries to remember if he already knew Kelly was adopted and about the warden adoptive parents. It sounds familiar, but...] Knew a little about that already, but not much. Makes sense why you're more well-versed in all things fae. It had to be fucking weird growing up around a bunch of wardens, yeah?

[pm] She asked me not to, in the future, so [User senses, perhaps, Eve wouldn't want Daniel knowing that. He's learning.] Already has, I think. [...] Birth father was a ranger; birth mother was a warden—a Farran. Adoptive folks had a fifty-fifty, and I happened to land on the ranger side of the coin. They never treated me no different than my siblings, just didn't know quite what to do with me, training-wise, once the ranger genes asserted their dominance. [...] Still, I don't know if I'd call it weird. I didn't know any other way.