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TIMING: January 5th
LOCATION: Kelly's home
PARTIES: @kellydays & @highoctanegem
SUMMARY: Jade brings Kelly a "welcome to the neighborhood" basket.
CONTENT WARNING: None.
Jade knew extremely well how isolating it was to be the new person in town. Don’t get her started! (But obviously, she will start.) Cause, dear as Wicked’s Rest and its adorable townsfolk were to her now, when she first rode into town with her megawatt smile and her flowy curls and exuding all her cool chick vibes that had previously left entire populations under her spell, the reception was pretty much… cricket noises. (Like you would’ve thought they were introducing an extra for one scene and not a major player.) (It was honestly a little rude that there hadn’t been a theme song, or fireworks, or a parade to announce her arrival.) (But, but… water under the bridge.)
Basically, she never wanted anybody else to feel completely out of depth in a town that defied all expectations. She never wanted anybody else to feel inadequate and wrong and too much for the less enthusiastic, or straight up grouchy residents of the place she rashly considered a hellhole once. So, when she heard from Vic that somebody had moved into the neighborhood, Jade’s curiosity immediately sparked. She didn’t even have to think before deciding she was gonna welcome them into the craziness. Take them under her wing for all their needs.
And okay, to say she heard it from Vic kinda downplayed how much grumbling and snarking Vic had done to explain the situation, really, but Jade didn’t wanna paint her friend in a bad light. (She didn’t wanna paint her at all, cause she was a pretty bad painter.) (And also her last attempt at getting artsy had resulted in a knife thrown at the wall, so.) (Wait, what did that have to do with the new neighbor? Did they like painting also? Well, she could give it another chance if that was the case.)
OH! Vic had complained, that was it. She felt some type of way (annoyed, annoyed was the way) about this new person’s presence in what was, in her opinion, the outskirts of her turf. They didn’t seem to wanna conform to the HOA’s rules, which Jade had learned involved mostly grass length and other aesthetic fixes, that honestly? Did end up making the neighborhood super pretty. (Vic’s job wasn’t all in vain, even if half the time, Jade was sure this was all made up.)
In an attempt to smooth things over, Jade offered to get to know the newbie, just cause her social lubrication skills were always lauded and admired. (She’d never heard anything but passionate praise from Regan.) And sure, Vic hadn’t been sold on the plan immediately, but once Jade reassured her that she was gonna be super subtle and not at all naggy and that she would come to her with all the deets she found out about the new person, she agreed to let this happen.
Jade strolled toward the fancy house with a welcome basket in her hands. It had everything someone settling in could need, of course: fruit, a cute plant, candles, some baked goods (her beige cookies, and some of Regan’s banana bread), some other trinkets, and a bottle of wine. Plus, when her bone partner saw what she was doing, she decided to jump with some ideas that Jade gladly included, too. (Regan was so thoughtful like that.) (The two of them had learned to be better neighbors together, just like they were learning most things about adult life.) (They barely got any complaints about the noise coming from their place anymore.) Some of Regan’s gifts included: more fruit, possum bones, and a business card for a window repair business.
By the time she reached the house, Jade was practically vibrating with excitement. She really hoped that whoever was inside was cool and mysterious and a little eccentric, based on the vibes of the house, which kinda conflicted with the rest of the neighborhood’s architecture. It always caught her attention when she drove around, actually. (She liked that, correction, she loved it when people didn’t mind coloring outside the lines.) Cradling her basket proudly with one hand (like one would a football), she pressed the doorbell with the other and waited.
—
Kelly was no stranger to homeowners’ associations. His folks lived in a gated community, down in Charlottesville. Drew less attention, they’d claimed, than standing out from the crowd. Helped ‘em blend in with the locals, have easy alibis for where they’d been, if a hunt had gone haywire. With an expanded garage, no one could really tell if they weren’t actually home, even the nosiest neighbors. And as far as the gate itself went? Well, how hard was doctoring footage for a security camera set to one, single vantage point? Easy, turned out, for someone dedicated. Easier, still, if you were the president of the HOA and reviewed all of the security footage, personally, to “see if there were any undesirables making their presences known.” ‘Course, his folks didn’t actually care about the neighborhood gossip; it was all about appearances. A glamour of their own, to fool the members of their little community into complacency.
There were other embellishments, too. They’d switch up stories about trips to hunter camps, to be stories, instead, about visiting the beach: “Gosh, wasn’t the beach great.” Kelly had gone to the beach exactly once in his childhood; the Brooks did own a beach house, though. But it was, in actuality, a safe house, for when they were called in to help beach-local wardens with nymphs lurking in deeper waters. But he’d been. Distracted the selkies who’d formed a water-based allegiance and, to his credit, avoided any unnecessary deaths. The beach-local rangers had acted more like, well, pirates, and he was uninterested in being a part of that sort of crew, but it’d been a learning experience. One of the few that the Brooks had actually been able to give him, despite their distaste for the… rowdier sorts of rangers. (Funny, now, that Kelly was a little rowdy himself.)
The point was: Kelly was decent enough at keeping up appearances without seeing the need to lock himself into a set of strange, seemingly arbitrary rules. His parents had minions (“They’re nice people, Kelly. They need direction.”) that would go out and measure grass. Post notices. Collect fees. It was a little much. So, when he’d bought the house, he’d made sure there was nothing in the contract, the deed, or the covenants about an HOA. The house itself was a big enough hint; it wasn’t like it matched anything else on the road. The land had been portioned off from the edge of the woods and was tucked back off of Lichen Lane—visible from the main road, sure, but through a thatch of trees. Trees that would grow, and grow, and grow, no matter what any president had to say about ‘em.
Only other neighbors, as far as Kelly had neighbors, were at the back of his property. Technically, he figured they lived outside of Deersprings proper. It was unclear. What was clear was that he had permission to cross through their yard, back into the woods, if he ever wanted to hunt on their land. Meant he could set up a tree stand (and a camera) somewhere back there, once he got more settled. Just had to promise to share the meat, if he got anything. Next hunting season, there’d be plenty of time to keep up that appearance, to protect those folks from encroachments onto their land. That was the kind of neighborly behavior that Kelly was looking for. Scratched backs and respectful nods. Not sitting in a meeting every Saturday, listening to bitching about how Rhonda’s trees were crossing Brenda’s fence line. Better uses of his time and energy.
So, he’d ignored the letter about his dues, and about the grass length (it was a normal length, for winter (what of it wasn’t just… dead), and, ‘sides, it wasn’t tick season quite yet), and just… focused on getting acclimated to town. Kelly’d argue to his last breath that it wasn’t his problem, that he wasn’t within the bounds of this Vic’s domain. Now, he should’ve been smarter. He should’ve expected a minion. ‘Cause why would Vic herself stoop to pay him a visit.
He’d left the front gate open (the controls were on the fritz), so the minion had made her way to Kelly’s front door. With a basket. Of all the… Kelly checked that Philip was secure in his high chair before wandering over to the door. He’d been planning on going out, later, with the kid, so he wasn’t a total mess. But Philip had flung food at him, so there was a spaghetti stain on his shirt that he’d never get out. He’d like to say that was the reason he waited a few minutes to open the door. As if he could will the minion to wander away, take her basket with her. But, no, she seemed… determined. At least Kelly hadn’t felt his senses go off. And it was daylight out. Ruled out lots of shit, between the two. (Didn’t mean she wasn’t dangerous.)
“Look,” Kelly said, opening the door and barreling over whatever greeting that the woman had ready to go. “Sorry, but you caught me at a bad time. I—” His nose caught a scent. One of the few sweet treats that he had any weakness for at all. “Shit, you brought banana bread?”
—
Boy had Regan made a patient woman out of her. It was an indisputable fact at this point. Cause here she was, standing outside the house, minimally bothered by how much time the newbie was taking to answer the door. Jade was waiting for what would’ve felt like hours once upon a time. (Hey, she hadn’t even started tapping her foot yet!) But honestly? It was totally chill, cause she could hear faint movement inside, she could make out a silhouette moving, so whoever was in there would be with her soon. What was that saying about good things coming to those who wait? Yup. She was a true believer now. (Even if the good thing was straight up gossip in this case.) In the meantime, she put most of her weight on one leg, propping the basket with her hip. Her fingers drummed one of the sequences she’d been practicing yesterday. Any second now…
And then, she finally came face to face with her new neighbor, AKA, Vic’s potential nemesis. Weirdly enough, he didn’t seem honored by her presence. His eyes didn’t light up upon seeing her face. (She wasn’t ready to call him rude yet, since he didn’t know he’d just met the most important person in the neighborhood.) (He’d know soon enough, and he would… adapt accordingly. Right?) Instead of the expected pleasantries, the guy threw around some excuses about him being caught at a bad time, which was, like, the quintessential excuse for anybody who didn’t wanna answer the door. Despite this, Jade persisted, kept her smile intact until he ended up interrupting himself. (Sometimes she didn’t even have to open her mouth to wear someone down, she was so talented.)
“I did! I brought banana bread!” A glint of curiosity sparkled in her eyes, considering how quickly he’d been able to sniff out some of the goodies she’d brought for him. Huh, all without even taking a real glance at the basket yet! (She loved that, a guy with a good sense of smell.) (A guy who paid attention to details, those were rare.) She stepped forward, extending her hand for him to shake. (It felt a little too serious and robotic of a greeting, in her correct opinion, but also… she never knew when someone was gonna make a fuss about manners and all that.) (He did look a little on edge already, imagine if not offering a handshake had him crashing out?) “My name’s Jade, I live on Decompe Lane, so we’re practically neighbors,” by… a few streets, give or take. (She considered everyone in Vic’s domain to be her neighbor, what about it?) “And this is your ‘welcome to the crazy’ basket.” She presented her gift, making sure he got a good 360 of its contents. Then she handed it to him.
“Oh, technically, the banana bread is courtesy of my bone partner, cause sadly she couldn’t be here to visit. Work, you know? Extremely homophobic for keeping us apart. She was actually so curious about who decided to go for the house made of glass,” she pointed at the window repair business card pinned between the basket and the small plant pot. “She’s looking out for you from the get-go. We get a lot of disturbance around here, so you’ll definitely need this at some point.” In a way, the banana bread was also an apology in advance for the windows that might accidentally break during his stay. Windows that Regan may or may not be responsible for. (Whoever had built this house definitely didn’t know a thing about banshees, did they?)
“I caught you at a bad time, you said. Why’s that?” Jade tilted her head, not cause she was trying to get a peek inside his place or anything, but also the angle did help, should she want to do it. (Just sayin’.) “Moving woes? Did they misplace something? I hear that happens all the time. I can’t say I relate, cause when I moved in with Regan, we had like… two boxes tops between the both of us,” she took half a beat before continuing, a disarming half grin spreading across her face, “And I know what you’re gonna say, I give off the impression of someone who has suitcases and suitcases filled with clothes. I totally get it. I give hoarder vibes, which, yup. Fine. Maybe so. But those suitcases mostly stayed in Cali. I lived a pretty minimalist life in recent years.” Cruising the country on a motorcycle was an entirely underrated experience to teach anyone how to get by with little, you know? (She really should’ve capitalized on it and filmed a docu series, ugh.) “And now I’m finally… you know, planting some roots.” It definitely helped that there wasn’t an impending feeling that she was gonna have to bolt any second anymore. It helped that there was a home that made her feel all those cozy and warm feelings that movies talked about when they depicted home and belonging. (Not that she was boring anybody with the sad childhood memories, least of all herself.)
Wait, what were they talking about? Oh, right. She clasped her hands behind her back, tilting her chin up in determination. “I’m good with woes. Real or metaphorical. Lay ‘em on me.”
—
When Kelly had opened his door, he’d only had one objective in mind. Get the minion to leave. Now… Now, he had two. Getting the minion to leave was his second order of business. The first was acquiring her banana bread. Look. Look. You had to have your priorities in order, when you were raising a child. Bananas had always been a staple in Kelly’s life, from the ease with which he could scarf down one during intermissions between periods or breaks between calls, to, now, with their presence in the kid’s diet. Banana bread, though, was a little rarer, given he didn’t bake, and Kelly had no interest in denying himself. If he deemed it safe for the kid, Philip could even have a slice—as a treat.
So, Kelly might be a weak man, but, in pursuit of that newfound goal, he shook the minion’s hand, anyway. Jade. Her name was Jade. There’d be plenty of folks to meet in the coming weeks, especially once he went back to work. He hoped he could manage to remember her name. It’d be a little awkward if he forgot, right? Neighborhood Jade—maybe that’d help him remember. As Kelly mused over that, Jade kept on talking, undeterred by his quiet. It wasn’t something Kelly minded, exactly. He hadn’t always been the best conversationalist; in a way, it was easy to let chatter roll over him, only chime in when necessary. Some folks thought he wasn’t listening, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Listening was crucial. “Wow,” he said, taking the basket from her into his arms. “Welcome to the crazy, huh? Can’t say it ain’t appreciated, but, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was a bribe.” With a longer glance, none of the basket’s contents looked ready to leap out and maul him, so that was a point in the win column. (But if it was a bribe, there wasn’t much a point in poisoning Kelly.)
“You can send her my regards, then.” Kelly surmised a bone partner was a… romantic relationship of some sort? Maybe one of those more nontraditional types that he’d heard a little about? The homophobic barb didn’t make much sense, elsewise, but, even so, if he ever got serious with a man, he’d just call him his partner, leave the bone out, let folks just guess what he got up to, unless they had a reason to know. Still, he wasn’t going around judging anyone, not without cause. (Should be do some research? Was it a regional thing—another item to research. Kelly still hadn’t had a chance to run by the library, sign up for a library card now that his address was permanent. If they kept their collection current, maybe they had something about bone partners? Could resort to Google, if nothing else, he guessed.) Kelly was pulled from his thoughts by the warning. It raised his hackles, but it didn’t seem like a threat. “Disturbances? Far as I could tell, this is one of the safer neighborhoods in town. Ain’t callin’ you a liar or nothin’, just let’s both hope y’all are bein’ overly cautious.”
“Oh, I—” Before Kelly could think of a convenient lie, Philip made his presence known from a little deeper into the house with a thud as his sippy cup was thrown to the floor. That rascal. Curious little guy, wasn’t he? It was probably inevitable. If Kelly could hear Philip, Philip could definitely hear Kelly and Jade. And, like it or not, the kid wanted to know what Kelly was up to. Kelly was lucky he’d even made it through initial pleasantries. “Planting some roots, huh? I know a little somethin’ about that. Or… I’m tryin’ to.” Alright, okay. Kelly had to look at the limited information and reason that Neighborhood Jade… likely wasn’t intending on anything truly nefarious. On the smaller scale, like if there were any schemes from the HOA that she was here to enact, those plans would be enacted whether or not Kelly kept her standing out in the cold. It might help, actually, for this conversation to have a buffer in the shape of a toddler. If Kelly was a quiet stream, Philip was a babbling brook. (... No pun intended, Christ.)
Kelly heaved a breezy sigh, turning and gesturing for Jade to follow him into the house. “He ain’t a woe, but he is a menace when he wants to be.” Philip, sitting in his high chair, the picture of babyfaced innocence. The sippy cup, rolling lazily on the floor, the only evidence of the kid’s crime. This is why they hadn’t moved Philip to straws yet. First, Kelly sat the basket on the kitchen counter, to free up his hands. “You caught me at a bad time ‘cause Philip here ain’t the type to sit around and wait while I’m shootin’ the breeze with our neighbor. And as you can see from the very finest tomato sauce he’s wearin’, he isn’t at his most presentable. Take a seat.” He gestured to the chairs at the island. Then, with a chuckle, Kelly bent down to grab the sippy cup from the floor. Better to wash it. Kelly didn’t want to test the kid’s immune system by letting him drink or eat off the floor. He wasn’t a dog, just a werewolf—
The cup slipped from Kelly’s hands as he realized that there was every chance that Jade was a ranger. Shit. Shit. Kelly had only been worried about threats from the supernatural. His own kind, though… There was a reason he’d avoided ‘em, the last year. His own family, too, though there weren’t any rangers but him. Philip giggled brightly, unaware of Kelly’s new problem. Would a fellow ranger attack the kid in Kelly’s own house? No. Surely not. It was the middle of the damn day. He chanced a glance at Jade. She didn’t seem on the alert, but most hunters played a mean game of poker.
“Uh, whoops.” Kelly knelt this time, as if he was concerned that, despite there being no visible mess, the lid had come loose. It gave him a hair longer to think this through. He was on his own turf. Jade might not have sensed Philip from the entryway. Depended on how attuned she was to her senses, right? Not like Kelly had set ‘em off. If she knew Philip was something, she knew Kelly likely wasn’t. Statistics would lead her to believe he was human. And if he was human, there was even less reason to make a scene in Kelly’s kitchen about the shifter toddler. Fine. Alright. He was being paranoid. Regardless of what the truth was, the only way out was through. Kelly got up, moved to the sink, and began to break apart the sippy cup. Just be normal, man. “Shoot, just realized. Shook your hand without even offerin’ my name.” He hesitated, just a hair. What could she do with his first name? Nothing. “Kelly.”
—
Wait, was this the real reason why Vic seemed to have it out for this guy? Was he bribing material? How important was he to the plot, then? (It was sus, she had to admit, based on the fact that he’d moved to this house in particular.) (In a ‘rich guy who murdered his whole family and then moved to a small town to live under a new identity’ kinda way.) Did Jade just randomly agree to chat up one of the big players? (So exciting! This was way better than agreeing to welcome someone into the neighborhood out of the goodness of her heart, obviously.) Hazel eyes lingered on him, equally curious and confused as he examined all the goods she and Regan had prepared for him. She nodded vehemently, agreeing to send Regan all sorts of regards on his behalf (she didn’t need to be told twice to regard her lady) (but it was always a good excuse) (she was gonna regard her so hard). “This is the safest neighborhood in town, totally. This was our very cautious, ‘better safe than sorry’ approach,” she confirmed. The problem was that the bar was in hell. Like sure, you might not get murdered by something with sharp fangs in broad daylight, but you would probably get played by some mischievous fae. (And there was her very loud, very adorable banshee, destroyer of all windows.)
Some noise from inside the house reached her ears, the kinda noise Jade wouldn’t have thought much of, if not for the guy’s disposition. (Had he slept at all? He did look a bit tired, actually.) (Mmm. She totally got it. When she and Regan first moved into their love nest, there was barely any sleep too.) Whatever the sound was, she was about to find out soon enough, as it had granted Jade entry to the house. (She really didn’t think she was gonna get that far, actually.) (She was more than happy with some casual chitchat outside.) (She was so humble these days.) As she entered the place, it was easier to understand the reasons behind his slightly frazzled vibes. She was not judging, cause despite it all, he looked super friendly. Plus, moving was super annoying. No time to put stuff away or decorate the way you’d seen in all those Pinterest boards. She could admit she had been nervous about people approving of her nude wall, too. (Ridiculous thing to worry about, in hindsight. Cause, who wouldn’t approve of hot, half-naked women and ulcer photography plastered all over the wall?)
And… what did this have to do with— Oh, right. Welcoming the very tired new neighbor. Who was also! A new parent. What a cute reveal. While he had moved to pick up a discarded sippy cup, Jade stared at the adorable baby in the chair. “Hi!” she cooed at him, approaching tentatively. Mostly cause it was hard to contain her excitement and not burst with energy that might startle the poor babe. Plus, she knew some parents could be strict about who touched their kiddos. So valid. Jade respected that. But she was (!) positively buzzing, her baby fever skyrocketing, her heart swelling with tenderness for the chubby little guy staring up at her with big eyes.
Jade would not have kids of her own. (Regan didn’t want kids.) (And Jade would never ever have children with someone who wasn’t 103 percent in on the parenting thing.) (Bit of a sore subject, she didn’t have to pull up her origin story.) Regan had given up so much to be with her for a few decades that Jade didn’t know if she could ask for more. Plus duty, and both of their natures and… She had accepted it and understood it. Not in like a ‘this is gonna be an issue later cause I haven’t totally made up my mind’ yet sorta way. Nope, she was totally on board with just being Regan and Jade forever and ever. But that didn’t stop a sweeping wave of… sadness. Gentle enough that her face remained bright and happy. (The what ifs, you know?) (A raven-haired, blue-eyed little weirdo running around did sound like the most adorable thing in the world sometimes.) (She actually didn’t even remember genetics enough to know if that configuration of character design was even possible.)
Jade speedran the small bout of grief over hypothetical kids (which she figured most women dealt with), and focused back on the very real baby in front of her. She had way more auntie potential anyway, didn’t she? She already made sure to spoil Rosie. This was… a literal baby, though. She couldn’t exactly yap to him about KPop Demon Hunters or that dino Paw Patrol movie. Actually, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in proximity to one. (Other than casual staring while walking down the street.) She wasn’t intimidated, though. After all, she was a former baby. She could totally relate. He was discovering the world just like she was! “I like his style.” Jade winked at the baby and grabbed the seat closest to him. “Very fashion-forward. Don’t let them change you, baby.” She laughed, extending a hand toward the tray in the chair, which his tiny baby fists were banging against excitedly. She knew a future drummer when she saw one. (He had a decent kick as well.)
She had been so enamored by Philip that she’d sorta forgotten about the adult in the room. (Or, right, the other adult. She counted, too.) (And whoopsie, she hadn’t meant to ignore him, but she was sure dad understood completely.) Jade stopped making funny faces at the baby for a second, already missing his delightful giggles, and turned her head toward the sink. “Oh! You did forget to tell me your name, but I figured it was part of the mystery, you know… Nameless neighbor living in a house made of glass in a small town. It’s giving… typical horror movie intro.” She smirked at him, making sure he knew she was being totally unserious. If Kelly had been white, she would’ve run the other way. But he wasn’t, so Jade couldn’t help the sense of ease. More light banging against the tray drew her attention back to the baby. He was so valid. She would also protest if her bev was suddenly gone and her bartender was taking hours to get her a new one. She leaned closer, trying to meet him at eye level. “How old are you, Philip?” His babbling proved inconclusive.
“Moving with a kid has to be so much work,” Jade pondered, giving Kelly time to do what he had to do with the sippy cup. “Is your… spouse…” (look, he had a vibe, what about it?) “at work?” Vic made no mention of a second adult in the house from what she’d observed, but, if he was more important to the plot than Jade had initially believed, then maybe there was a strange schedule situation. “I do mean it, by the way… being a friendly neighbor. I know how overwhelming it is to navigate Wicked’s Rest when you first get here. And I was like, just by myself. I guess I was the baby. Twenty-eight is pretty young… Well, I was twenty-six when I first moved out on my own.” There was a point to this, let her cook. Right, yup. “This planting roots stuff, I’m guessing it’s for baby Phil?” She narrowed her eyes, that was an old person’s nickname. “Baby ‘Lip.” She did like Shameless, back in the day.
—
Jade kept a respectful distance from the kid. Even if that didn’t weigh as to her intent, Kelly appreciated it. He’d have to get used to other folks wanting to poke and prod at Philip, like he was a particularly animated doll that Kelly was carrying around, instead of a living thing. He’d have to work on his paranoia, too, but that’d been beaten into him since— Well, not birth, but from the moment his senses had kicked in. It’d be a slow process, if Kelly ever thought to try. He wasn’t inclined to drop what kept him—kept the kid—safe.
“Guess it’s some kinda style. Fashion-forward, huh? You startin’ a new trend, man? Stains as statement? Needed a model for the line?” Kelly poked at Philip’s chest with a finger, snorting. “Does sound like somethin’ New York or Paris’d come up with, don’t it?” Not like he’d know. His personal style sat somewhere in “practical.” Once, thinking someone else would know better than him, he’d done a deep dive on men’s fashion. Most of the outfits were impractical, boring, or both. Kelly could take being boring on the chin, but no one would ever accuse him of being impractical. Too much jewelry or ruffled bits and bobs for claws to get snagged on? Nah. Good for some, but not for him.
If it weren't for the bright daylight outside (almost, if not entirely, ruling out vampires), and Jade’s obvious curiosity (read: he wasn’t sure she’d’ve quit), Kelly didn’t think he’d have let her in his house to begin with. Was that something Jade made a habit of? Seemed dangerous, especially if she didn’t know about the supernatural. Then again, the average Jehovah’s Witness likely wasn’t trying to take a bite out of her. The idea was hypothetical, anyway. “Ain’t tryin’ to be mysterious. Just don’t have my head on quite straight, with the move. Think I left some of my manners in one of the boxes, haven’t had time to unpack it.” That, at least, was true enough. “‘Course, if I was tryin’ to lure you into a trap, I’m doin’ a lousy job of it. What self-respectin’ serial killer brings a baby to the Saw trap? Audiences’d tear it apart.”
Jade’s attempts to communicate with Philip were just that: attempts. Still, it was a question, and one that Kelly could answer easily. “He just turned one a couple’a weeks ago.” It felt his record had skipped, sometimes. He’d found a gray, the other day. Just one, buried deep in his dark hair, not even visible. But Kelly knew it was there. Wasn’t like he was blaming the kid or nothing, but he hadn’t quite processed it, yet. How he felt about it was a mystery. It was novel—that was as far as he’d gotten.
Kelly finished rinsing the sippy cup and filled it with filtered water. When he returned it to the kid, Philip happily took a sip, processed it was not, in fact, a rare instance of Kelly forgetting his diet, and, predictably, made a face about it, shoving the cup to the edge again. This time, Kelly caught it. He’d been weaning the kid off formula, and the kid was not happy about that. Philip’d ask for it back, eventually, and the process would repeat. (Kelly supposed he was lucky the kid didn’t have a taste for blood, at least.) Kelly took one of the bar stools, slid it over to sit beside the kid, considering Jade’s comment. “Probably would be, but we didn’t have much to move. Spent most of that first year on the road. I used to work as a wildland firefighter, but, with Philip, I knew I needed to look for a more permanent spot, someplace I could get a childcare plan goin’. It’s all for him.” The sentiment was more true than Kelly liked.
“We’re…” Kelly paused, considering how to phrase it, decided one joke couldn’t hurt. “Kind of lone wolves, actually.” If Jade was a ranger, she already knew about Philip. If Jade wasn’t a ranger, it might only register as strange phrasing. Speaking of strange phrasing, Kelly decided to let her off the hook. “So, no. No spouse. No partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, or anything else, neither. Just me and him.” Kelly’d spoken to his adoptive mother just yesterday, but, as far as she knew, he was still in Virginia. He’d keep it that way, long as he needed. An expensive tank of gas or a plane ticket was easier to come by than any explanation. His family wouldn’t find him, up here, and, truth be told, unless somethin’ went wrong, they wouldn’t come looking. “Bein’ on your own gets easier, longer you’ve been alone, y’know?”
Even if Kelly still didn’t trust Jade, she didn’t seem all that bad. He wouldn’t take her up on her offer, ‘course, it was best to keep his circle drawn tight, but he was honest as he said, “I appreciate your sayin’ so. Ain’t never had a neighbor that wanted to be all that neighborly. Our last neighbors were the other cars on I-81. Total dicks.” Kelly winced, but Philip seemed to just be staring at Jade, moonstruck and interested in a new face, and, so, hadn’t noticed Kelly’s slip. (He tried, alright, but some habits were hard to break.)
“Oh, and, just to be clear? Both nicknames are gettin’ a firm veto from me. Tried ‘em all out, but he barely responds to his actual name. Don’t know how I’d get his attention, otherwise.” There might—might—be a nickname or two that Kelly would entertain. It wasn’t like he was opposed to the whole concept. (That’d make him a hypocrite.) The ranger looked down at the kid, lost in thought as a memory rose up, hidden in the back of his mind with care. He thought hard, examined whether it still stung. It did, but just a little less than usual. Still, it wouldn’t do no good to dwell on the past. “His, uh,” Kelly picked a spot over by the fridge (plain and undecorated for now), “namesake went by Philly, but that don’t really work. Virginia born, for one. ‘Sides, ‘Philly and Kelly’ is a little silly, right?” Unaware of how often Kelly had said that, Philip giggled at the sounds. It drew Kelly back to the present, to his surprise guest. “Yeah, bud? That all sound silly to you?” He poked the kid in the chest with a gentle finger. “Huh?” Poked at him again, laughing. Philip tried to grab at the finger, but Kelly was faster.
Kelly cocked his head at Jade, wondering what she might make of the pair. He’d been told, once, that no one would ever guess that Philip wasn’t his blood. Whether Kelly believed that or not, he could act the part. A fond smile to Philip, then another, more apologetic, to Jade “Sorry. I ain’t much of a host, as you can see. Could you… come back, once we’re more settled?” Please?
—
Jade couldn’t wipe the grin off her face as she stared at the adorable father-son exchange. Well, it was more like she didn’t want to, cause again, how many times did she get to be in the presence of something as sweet and pure as this? (It made her feel extra grumpy that her siblings had decided not to give her nieces and nephews to dote on.) (It was really super selfish of them to deny her cute moments like this.) (It, also, made her feel totally normal, not at all insane, to realize that she never had any of these exchanges with her own maker). She nodded in wholehearted agreement when Kelly commented that his son was super fashion-forward. You had to start building that self-esteem early, right? Baby Philip deserved to be told that he could be whatever he wanted to be. (Otherwise, he might end up with what Regan would’ve described as “deficits”.)
“Oh, I bet all the babies are gonna be jealous at the daycare!” Jade hyped the little man up, even if she wasn’t totally sure how old kids had to be to start going there. (It was totally irrelevant anyway.) (This wasn’t a phase, baby Philip was definitely gonna be a trendsetter regardless of age.) And Philip seemed very appreciative of the compliment too, if his happy, drooly smile was anything to go by. But right, talking to the adult in front of her was also kinda important. (A little less exciting now, but she was sure Kelly understood.) He still sounded kinda apologetic about forgetting things like introducing himself and stuff. Jade had already moved on, so she dismissed his words with a chuckle, especially at the mention of a Saw trap. (But that was ‘cause she was imagining baby Philip riding around in a tricycle.)
Soon enough, Kelly brought back the sippy cup and joined them by the stools, which was honestly the perfect way to sit before some serious lore drop. (He could sing too, if that helped.) (She’d seen it work on Glee.) Jade was easily entertained by the sippy cup saga (she didn’t do much when she watched the baby push it to the edge, almost wishing it had fallen again), but she was able to multitask and listen to what Kelly was saying. Jade did mean it after all, she wanted to be a good neighbor for anyone who might need it. She didn’t play about hospitality. Or making people in town feel less alone. (That had been her hardship to overcome, it didn’t have to be anybody else’s.)
Her eyebrows lifted in surprise when he mentioned that he had been moving around (with a kid in tow!) for almost a year. A strong urge to interject and mention her own year on the road and compare experiences overcame her, but Jade held off. On account of having to explain exactly what it was she’d been doing during that year. (And she never told someone she’d just met what her duty was.) (At least, not unless she was positive the other person was also a hunter.) But she did vibrate with excitement at the prospect of discussing trip stories eventually. “Being out there with a kid is, like, even more hardcore than learning you literally fight fires in the woods,” cause wow, maybe Vic was onto something here, and Kelly was more than just an inconvenient neighbor slash not neighbor (she still counted him as part of Lady Larsson’s turf, obviously). “You’re gonna have to tell me how you got so badass.” Jade smiled at Philip, pointing at his dad. “Buddy, did you know your dad is, like, a literal action hero?” Her eyes shifted back to Kelly. “You’re gonna have so many stories to tell him when he gets older,” and really, if it wasn’t cause of his bold fashion statements, just having a firefighter dad was gonna make Philip the coolest kid on the playground.
So it made sense, based on where the two boys had been, up until recently, that Kelly referred to them as lone wolves. (Also getting the scoop that he, in fact, didn’t have a spouse.) (And that he was open to having all sorts of partners.) (She was so good at this. They should let her improvise the census, really.) Jade offered a sympathetic smile, cause as nice as having all that father-son bonding time probably was, she was a little iffy on the whole… being alone gets easier the longer you are of it all. Especially if your partner in crime could only poop and cry. Like, you got used to it, but that didn’t mean it was easier. Crying one time instead of five cause you felt so painfully homesick, could be categorized as easier, sure, but that was still one awful time you felt like no one would be there for you. Loneliness was a bad thing to get used to.
(But also, this invoked a sorta depressive aura into the convo that Jade didn’t wanna welcome.) (Cause then everybody was gonna have to start doing sad flashback exercises, and she really didn’t wanna think back to ‘22, to just her and Roxie and the town of the month.) (Reminiscing was only reserved for the fun, whacky roadtrip memories.) (And, also, she didn’t wanna be accused of not participating in the group activity, and she didn't wanna deal with a pang of FOMO so, nope. She wasn’t doing any of that.)
Thankfully, she didn’t have to dip into those waters, cause Kelly decided to insult his past neighbors instead. She cackled when he winced at his poor choice of words, but her gaze darted toward Philip, expectantly. This was the perfect time for him to say his first word in Jade’s presence. And she wanted it to be something funny. (She doubted he knew anything other than ‘dada’ or ‘hi’ or ‘yes’.) Alas, Philip was focused on her and not his dad’s words, so he probably missed the blunder altogether. (Which was a total honor, obviously, Regan did say she was awfully distracting.)
A beat later, there was a quiet moment between father and son that Jade wasn’t privy to. But it sorta confirmed one particular thing: Just cause Kelly hadn’t brought too much baggage into his new home, didn’t mean he wasn’t dragging something heavy and intangible with him. After all, there had to be a reason it was just a duo, right? She didn’t have the whole origin story laid out yet, and she didn’t need it. Cause she might be nosy, definitely top of the class in that department, but she knew that extracting that kinda info required talent. A talent that included retreating before making things too weird. “Um, you can definitely be a Philly from Virginia. This one’s already breaking molds—first fashion, now nicknames.” She pointed at the baby, who was fast to swat at her hand. (She would pretend it was him attempting a polite handshake.) He then proceeded to do the same with Kelly, giving his dad the sweetest smile. “Come on now, ‘Philly and Kelly’ totally has his approval, see? I’m totally reading his mind now.” She laughed with the smitten father, honored that he was even letting her experience this right now.
So she barely made a face when his smile turned apologetic. Jade could read that expression everywhere. She was familiar with it. (Regan held it usually for about three seconds before she asked to leave any social situation.) “Oh. That’s totally chill. My duty was to make sure you knew there was a friendly presence nearby,” and she hadn’t even expected to get this far into his home in the first place! (So humble, these days.) (She needed to get some of that massive ego back.) “I can be on my way, yup. But thank you and Philly for welcoming me into your home, it’s, like… super pretty already.” Jade slid off the stool, smiling down at the baby before giving his teeny tiny arm a small rub. “Remember, 69 Decompe Lane. That’s us. Your friendly neighbors.” She patted Kelly’s shoulder and spun gracefully toward the exit.
—
Kelly nodded, not really knowing what to say when it came to the subject of daycare. Philip needed proper socialization, with kids his own age, that much was true, but Kelly wouldn’t lie and say he was comfortable with the idea of said socialization taking place in such an uncontrolled environment. An environment where, by its very nature, Kelly wouldn’t be able to step in and protect the kid if he got too close to revealing himself. While Philip was still young, Kelly’d need to find one person, preferably another shifter, observe ‘em for a few days, try to convince ‘em to be more like a nanny for Flip. He’d need to do it soon, too. There was enough flexibility in his schedule with the WRFD to switch any shifts that fell near the full moon. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to do that too often, since that could get suspicious. And, shit, in order to do that, he’d need to be willing to take other folks’ shifts, too, and— Christ. Kelly couldn’t get distracted by this, not right now. He needed a plan, and he’d make one.
“Aw, ain’t nothin’, really. Just a job,” Kelly lied. He didn’t really agree with the idea that he was a badass or a hero, but he would swear up and down that other folks in his field were. It wasn’t being humble; Kelly had an advantage over his peers. Debris falling on him, minor burns, that shit’d hurt, but he wasn’t put at near as much risk as most of his crewmates. There was the odd exception, ‘course, another hunter that’d chosen the same path as him, or a humanoid that had a bit more durability. The other lie? It wasn’t just a job, to Kelly. It was his duty, as inextricable to him as hunting was (or… had been, he guessed). “Some of the stories from work ain’t really appropriate,” he added, not as a reprimand, but a simple fact. If Philip was a hunter, Kelly might not worry about opening the kid’s eyes to all of what firefighting entailed, early as possible. It was easier, most days, than hunting would be. Since Philip wasn’t like him, Kelly’d start out with the cartoon version of himself, slowly let on more and more as the kid got older. (Though, Philip would know—would have to be taught—about rangers, right? Safer that way.)
He avoided Jade’s idea entirely, not considering the prospect of telling Jade more about himself something he could even really joke about, if not lie outright. Kelly could talk around it, though. Loads of practice, at that. “Only fillies I know from Virginia are horses,” he said. “I’ll let you know if he picks up a nickname, though. ‘Course, once he’s old enough, he might tell me he hates whatever I call him. Want to go by his middle name,” which Philip didn’t have, Kelly hadn’t gotten that far (fuck, did he need a middle name?), “or somethin’.” Kelly let Philip catch his finger, this time, the toddler tugging on it, wanting to draw it closer, like a dog that just wanted to be pet. Kelly held fast. If the kid wanted to play tug-of-war, or just climb all over Kelly, it’d have to wait until Jade left the house. Usually, Kelly resisting the pull was enough for Philip to get bored, though with the occasional pout until Kelly relented. With a kid around, it was hard to get much done. That hadn’t been as apparent on the road, but, settled down, it was more and more of a juggling act. Philip was happy enough in a play pen, but he needed more from Kelly. Their first full moon here had been a mite more experimental that Kelly would’ve liked. He needed to build out a den in the basement, before the next one came around. To do that, Kelly’d have to keep the kid away from the sawdust and the power tools and— Shit. He was getting lost again.
Jade, to her credit, had decided not to resist Kelly’s attempts to get her out of his house. Which she complimented. How did normal people react to that, again? Gratitude, probably. (Even if Jade was almost certainly just being polite, given how… barren the house was. Or she could just mean the fixtures. Kelly hadn’t installed those. Maybe her own home wasn’t as nice? Shit, should Kelly make her a basket, now? No. No, that’d be crazy.) “69 Decompe. Got it,” he offered, though he knew he’d forget the exact house number within hours. Too many numbers rattling around his brain. “Nice to meet you, Jade. We’ll be seeing you.” When she left, the door locked with a click, Kelly slumped down on the stool, finger still grasped by a toddler who definitely didn’t have the capacity to realize how badly Kelly had fumbled that whole interaction. Still, Philip didn’t look all that impressed with him either.
“Could’ve gone worse,” Kelly said, sighing. Philip blew a bubble, then made a grab for the cup in Kelly’s free hand. Obligingly, Kelly handed it over… only for Philip to fling it across the room, farther than any human baby would be able to. The moon wasn’t at its fullest, but that didn’t seem to matter much, huh? “Huh. Could’ve gone much worse.”
@bladesbounties replied to your post “[pm] Sooooo. Ranger and a firefighter?”:
[pm] Well for the record, I was doing that bush fire because of some fucking bush worms, thank you very much. [...] How flattened like a pancake do you feel?
[pm] [User is perplexed that this is where she wants to start… but that might just be the headache.] […] Well, for the record, doin’ an open burn is a hair too obvious, even if your reasons were good ones. What do you figure you’d’ve done if you hadn’t threatened I hadn’t been willin’ to back off?
Most pancakes I eat ain’t burnt and crunchy, and I’m bent too many damn ways to ever feel flat again, but… [User sighs. He doesn’t need to be a dick about this.] Feel alright. Been worse, been better.
[pm] [user hasn't spoken to anyone else in her family for weeks] I know, Kelly. And I'm so grateful to have you nearby.
[Eve thinks about the acquaintance she called out for protection instead of any of her ranger friends, who she called off the moment she was back in her van. Who had complained at the wasted time. She thinks about how many rangers she knows, and how many she could send at once, ones who could overwhelm both Owen and Wyatt. Wyatt could be dead by the end of the day. She could do it herself, with the right gun and the right approach to his home. But Wyatt is surrounded by hunter killers. It would not be the wise choice, not right now. She wants him dead.]
[Doing what she wants is what got her in this specific mess in the first place. There's a more strategic play. She's sure. If only she could figure it out.]
[User has been messaging Eve daily since this conversation. Small messages, often at the same time of day.]
[Over the last few days, though, the messages started coming at increasingly odd hours. Not that strange for a hunter, but still... Point is: User didn't forget. And, technically, even if there was a gap of longer than twenty-four hours between his last text and today's text, he didn't miss a day. Technically. According to the calendar.]
[User sees this come in, thumbs it away. Unsurprisingly, he takes… a bit to answer this. (He can type one-handed just fine—explosion didn't take out his dominant hand—but he wants to wait for the painkillers to kick in. He can feel a headache coming on.)]
[pm] Sure am! [...] Got any follow-up questions, while you're askin'? Ain't like I got much to gain from playin' dumb. Couldn't have given me a week to shake off the ringin' in my ears?
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[Two posts shared on the Wicked's Rest Fire Department's social media accounts.]
[The first, newest post, is a photo of User, sitting in a WRFD-issued t-shirt. He looks like shit, and he'd look like shit even if the lighting in the WRFD Administrative Building was halfway decent. Recent burns, arm in a sling, a grimace on his face. With his good arm, he gives a weak thumbs-up.]
“Our job, our calling, is never safe—even off shift. Firefighter Kelly Brooks knows that all too well. But East Station's temporary loss in the field is our team's gain. Firefighter Brooks will be appearing in a number of posts and PSAs in the month of June and into July as he recovers! Keep an eye out for helpful tips and tricks to keep yourselves safe. We know we will.”
[The second post in the feed features several images of what remains of an abandoned building in Netherville. It looks like a bomb went off. (It did.)]
“Members of West Station responded this weekend to possible seismic activity in Netherville. The photos show the scene as they arrived. The causes of this incident are being investigated jointly with the WRPD. However, at this stage, we're relieved to say that excavation crews found no evidence of any loss of human or animal life. If you have any information, please contact the WRPD non-emergency line.”
TIMING: Current
LOCATION: Netherville
PARTIES: @bladesbounties, @kellydays, @pagingdoctorhart, & @bladesandtrades
SUMMARY: Colt's “reinforcements” (Kelly and unexpected allies Owen, Daiyu, and Mickey) move the onychorror to Netherville.
WARNINGS: None.
—
ONE.
—
The truck rolled to a stop as Daiyu let go of the gas pedal, but didn’t fully stop until she pulled up the handbrake with a satisfying krrr. Driving the truck with the trailer behind it had been pretty great, the high of having stolen it successfully running through her body. She pulled at the wires, cutting the engine and grinning brightly.
Some time had passed since this mission had started, since Mickey and her had scouted the best truck to steal for their plan and had then done just that. While the farmer had been (understandably) pissed off as they'd driven away from his fields, the birdshot had missed any vital parts of the vehicle and eventually they had reached Owen and Kelly accompanied by the strangest creature she had ever seen. And she had seen some weird fucking creatures. The beast (actually, she wasn’t sure on the nature of the creature, it didn’t ping like most beasts did) had been loaded in the back and she’d hopped in front of her stolen vehicle proudly. The drive had gone relatively smoothly, at least in the front. She had made sure Mickey had put on a radio station with tolerable music, had driven from the crater to Worm Row with an excitement coursing through her. Curiosity was a rare emotion, and it was not often positive. Today, she was more than positively intrigued though.
She looked over at Mickey. “Let’s see if the … we need to name this thing … if it’s down to move a little faster now.” The creature was definitely in no hurry, it seemed.
—
Mickey Hartmann: Master Criminal. He played around with the thought in his head. He only had time really, sitting in the passenger seat and driving to pick up Owen, Kelly, and whatever this creature was that they were supposed to meet. Sure, Mickey hadn’t exactly pictured a life of crime for himself, at least not outside of the drugs and partying that were supposed to come with the life of a professional hockey player (or so he thought). But he had to admit that riding in a stolen truck was a lot more exciting than riding in a non-stolen vehicle. Normal ones just didn’t have that rush of adrenaline. The club music coming from the speakers didn’t hurt the vibes either.
Mickey had never quite seen anything like that creature before. His supernatural exposure was almost entirely limited to fae cosplaying as human beings up to this point, so this was definitely something new. “If this was Spider-Man, they’d totally just call it ‘Rhino.’ Lacks a bit of originality if you ask me.” It was sure taking its damn time, though. “Maybe we should call it Lickety-Split.”
—
Teamwork wasn’t Owen’s forte. On rare occasions, maybe one other person had been invited to join him on a hunt when those were still a regular part of his life, but that was it. Emphasis on the rare. Anytime there were more people gathered, it usually spelled trouble, or it meant that Owen was the reason for those people gathering (in a negative way). But this shit was important. Probably. The idea of some fuck ass gigantic animal being the simple solve to the fuckery going on with this town’s latest nonsense was… well, it was fucking stupid but it was also all they had. Without a fix, Owen would be fucking helpless to do little else but watch a certain shifter lose control completely — also, all of the other horrors it would bring and whatnot. Blatantly ignoring the fact that without a fix, Owen wouldn’t even be around to watch anything because he’d be fully dead again without the magic. Which was a thing he was choosing to ignore in its entirety.
So, when Kelly had approached (Owen really needed less goddamn rangers in his life) with this insane plan of hauling some creature from point A to B, how the fuck was Owen supposed to say no? Genuinely, how in the hell did someone say no to firefighter/ranger Kelly, with his ridiculous accent and frankly impressive negotiation skills. Had it been negotiation or just… a lot of fucking words being said in quick succession? And maybe the blatant flirting hadn’t harmed the ranger’s cause — even if in retrospect, the more Owen had needed to deal with Kelly, it had become apparent that it had been a case of accidental innuendo combined with bad choice of wording. Whatever, didn’t fucking matter much now, did it.
At least they were finally here, after the tedious fucking task of herding a giant, lazy creature into a trailer that barely fit it. Owen’s suggestions of physical violence to hurry it along had, annoyingly, been shot down. Fucking Kelly. At least Daiyu was there to share his annoyance (again, too many fucking rangers) and, at the time, inviting Mickey had seemed like a genuinely smart call. This plan had holes and gaps where there should have been information, so a medical expert seemed like a good call — prepare for the worst, right? What might Mickey’s knowledge on insta-kill sigils be, Owen wondered. But now, with Mickey talking about Spider-Man and trying to name the thing, Owen was starting to doubt… pretty much everything.
“Don’t fucking encourage him, we don’t need to name the bastard,” Owen scolded Daiyu, knees pushing into the seat in front of him. Sure, definitely put the tallest person here in the fucking back seat. “Let’s just get this over with.”
—
Tardigrades. Kelly had read a book on ‘em, once, could rattle off a few facts as a party trick. The name came from Latin, meaning “slow walker.” (Check. Kelly considered himself patient, but this was a real test of that self-assessment.) They were extremophiles, able to withstand crazy conditions. (Check. Like, say, purely as a hypothetical, being sealed underneath a crater…?) Hell, they had even survived in space. (... Check? Look, it was more a theory than a fact, but Kelly had always had a soft spot for aliens. Their guest wasn’t exactly a little green man, but it also wasn’t setting off his senses. It wasn’t like anyone was jumping out the woodwork to disprove the theory.)
Oh, and they were small. Kelly couldn’t rightly give their new friend a check on that. It was big. Bigger than most beasts that Kelly’d had the displeasure of dispatching. In a way, that was nice. Sheer size of the thing kept it from moving too much in the confines of the trailer. (He’d get Owen back, later, for locking him in with the thing. Somehow.) Still, Kelly was glad he’d dressed for a hunt, covered his skin, ‘cause it was just about pushing him up against the cool metal. And while it seemed docile enough, that didn’t mean it didn’t have protection of some kind. Best not to go skin-to-skin, if he could help it.
What he couldn’t help, what he couldn’t fix, was stubborn. He’d tried to convince Daiyu that they could hitch a rented trailer to the Chevy. (Surprise, she wasn’t just a freelance arsonist, but another ranger. Kelly’d carve out some time to worry about that later.) He’d tried to convince Mickey to back out and let the hunters handle it. (Surprise, he wasn’t just a friendly face in the emergency room, but a human that someone had spilled the beans to.) He’d tried to convince Owen not to call in backup in the first place. (No surprises, there, actually, Kelly’d been a bit madcap when he’d found the other man in his shop. Sue him, Colt had been a little scarce on the details. (Though, she'd let slip that this was a source for a battery, which'd jogged his memory. Kelly would have to find a way to ask Zack a couple… follow-up questions.)) Luckily, Kelly could outstubborn a mule. Or a tardigrade, if it came to it.
As the door to the trailer swung open, bringing in some much-appreciated fresh air, all Kelly could do was stare, gobsmacked, at the long… long… long stairway down into Netherville. Now, how in the hell…
—
TWO.
—
“Lickety-Split, come come,” Daiyu cooed, fully having ignored Owen’s demand to not name the thing. She had very little interest in interacting too much with the slayer, both because of his back-to-life business and his ties to Talia. She tried to charm the beast into moving from the trailer, eventually succeeding as it slowly started the trudge from the vehicle. It really was ugly, though in a way that was almost cute. It took quite a bit of goading to get the creature to the mouth of the stairs. Staring down, she looked at the rest of her mission team with a bit of dread.
Kelly went first, she followed. Shoving at the tardigrade’s ass, she tried to make sure she did not misstep. Daiyu had imagined quite a few deaths for herself (most recently, dying on her living room floor), but dying on the stairs after being crushed by a massive tardigrade called Lickety-Split was very low on her list of ‘ways I’d like to die’. As she pondered this, she extended that sentiment to Kelly, who was below the creature and very much ran the risk of being crushed himself.
At some point, Lickety-Split paused. It used its weird vacuum-like nose to sniff around the stairs and Daiyu groaned, starting to push at the beast with all her might and weight. “So tell me why we opted for the stairs, rather than the fucking tunnel again?” Never mind the fact that she had driven them all here.
—
His appreciation for the tardigrade’s alien-adjacent nature was waning, with prolonged exposure to its full glory. ‘Course, Kelly’d gotten an eyeful when they’d pulled it out of the ground, and he was well-acquainted with its rear end from his ride in the trailer, but the face was… challenging. Kelly wondered if Flip would be able to smell the creature on him, later, and fidget and pout until Kelly showered off the foreign smell. (Not that Kelly wouldn’t be taking a thorough shower before he even touched the kid.) A drop of something—slime?—landed on the front of his jacket, calcifying near-instantly. (So, in addition to the shower, he was burning his clothes. It had already been in the plan, but a reminder never hurt. Except when it really, really did.)
“Stairs’re narrower than I expected, that’s for damn sure,” Kelly mumbled. They were mighty lucky they’d even managed to get it to take the stairs. Little like a cow, so Kelly had thought it might be afraid. Maybe its brain hadn’t quite come online… or maybe it was tougher than it looked, and falling down a few hundred stairs wouldn’t pose a problem. Kelly took careful steps backwards, supporting the tardigrade’s weight. Somewhere behind him was Owen, assessing if there was any trouble up ahead and ready for the assist if the whole operation started sliding. Mickey, up top, back above Daiyu, was “supervising,” able to see the bigger picture from his vantage point. (And, if needed, Mickey could try and distract any looky-loos—though, if Kelly was understanding right, this might be the one time it was more important to get a job done than to get it done unseen.) With the tardigrade pressing down on him, Kelly could concede it might be for the best that a doctor was on standby. The monster might survive an express trip to Netherville, but Kelly didn’t love his chances.
So, ‘course, to fuck with him, the thing halted, and Kelly slipped a step, going down to a knee. He felt the beast sniff at his hair, hoped he didn’t look like a tuft of algae. “Tunnel?” he said, rising from the stone and reassuming his position. His voice was on a knife’s edge. If there was a goddamn tunnel this entire time, Kelly was going to kill her. (Well, not kill. Even the thought of killing another hunter curdled his stomach.) “Daiyu. You and me are havin’ words, the second this is over with.” He glanced over his shoulder, giving Owen his best, if his briefest, can-you-believe-this-shit look before remembering Owen’d locked him in the damn trailer. Traitors. His kind were traitors, every one of ‘em. Hunters were a joke; no one should trust ‘em to do jack all.
“Hey, Mickey?” Kelly called up, not really expecting the doctor to hear him, what with the echo. “I like you best. Keep up the good work.”
—
The error had dawned on her moments after she had said those words, realization striking with a dull thump against her chest. She really hoped that somehow Lickety-Split’s movement and general strange energy would keep everyone from realizing her slip up, but alas. Daiyu heard Kelly echo the word she should not have spoken and she felt a childish embarrassment. It was embarrassing, honestly. She’d been in that tunnel a few times since helping the owners of Hole Foods deal with a worm and yet today she’d completely blanked on the alternative entrance.
“No need for that, Kelly! Kelloggs? Has anybody ever called you that? That’s a good nickname, you know.” Daiyu moved to grab her blade from her belt and poked the tardigrade softly in the butt to get it to move again. It worked. “Anyway, gee, I … fucking forgot about the tunnel. Trust me, I hate myself most right now.” She doubted that was true. She was not the person who might die being crushed by a giant creature. She might have to bear witness to it, though, which would also be unfortunate. Not that she — at present — felt very emotionally involved with Kelly’s wellbeing, considering the confusion he brought with him. He was a ranger, which was fine and well, but then why had he pinged shifter to her before? Never mind that, there was also the way he’d been opposed to her killing things with fire before.
“I’ve found the key to spurring this guy on, anyway,” she called down, poking Lickety-Split softly again. Its butt gave way underneath the sharpness of her blade and she could only imagine that she was softly prodding jello without breaking the surface. It seemed to keep the creature intent on moving away from her, to which she took no offence. After a while of trying to keep momentum going (failing and succeeding intermittently), she called down once more: “The end is near!”
—
“Ain’t—” Kelly started with a grunt, adjusting his grip on the tardigrade, stubborn and still. “Ain’t nicknames supposed to be shorter than the original?” He didn’t bother pointing out that, technically, Kelly was a nickname, that his birth parents had chosen to saddle with him the unwieldy, barely-a-name Kellison, and that his adoptive parents had taken pity on him. It was the kind of thing you’d tell a friend, and Kelly was feeling… less than friendly. And, if he had to bet on it, Daiyu would take that name and run. ‘Sides, she was deflecting from the elephant in the room (or, well, the tardigrade on the staircase). “More worried about stealin’ a damn truck than you were about thinkin’ through shit, huh?” It was unfair; Kelly knew he was being unfair. Even if they’d used his truck, they’d still needed a trailer. Daiyu’d just seemed a bit… eager, is all, to go and steal it. And this wasn’t supposed to be fun, this was supposed to be work. Important work.
He could concede, after a fashion, that she was managing to keep the tardigrade moving. Whatever she was up to, the creature didn’t seem to log it as much worse than a fly on a cow. A momentary annoyance, and one it’d like to get away from, but no big deal. “Careful with it,” Kelly said, as a precaution, just in case she forgot that this was their only shot. Back he went, checking in with Owen to see when he’d need to curve and steer. It was slow, and it made him wish his knees were a good ten years younger (not that he was old), but it was as much a success as he could hope for. Would’ve been much easier in a tunnel, ‘course, but, hey, just another of life’s little pleasures.
“Easy does it,” he murmured to the tardigrade, finally coming to the base of the stairway. Shadows stretched around ‘em, the light from the surface not having reached this far down, but it wasn’t total darkness. Kelly wondered if that was how the town justified letting folks keep using the staircase, especially if there was a tunnel. If anyone fell, it seemed unlikely that the… less-than-savory residents of Netherville would report it out. As he composed himself, he glanced around. No obvious blood spatter, but a different problem caught his eye. When Kelly had first heard about Netherville, he’d thought it was a joke that someone was playing on him. But, mere feet away from where their little group was huddled, was a whole other community. People walked to and fro. For now, they weren’t paying the tardigrade any heed. But that wouldn’t—couldn’t—last, even in Wicked’s Rest. Panic could whip into a frenzy, fast.
“Shit. How do y’all suppose we’re doin’ this?”
—
She moved so her head peeked out behind the creature’s butt. “What, who made you the judge on nicknames? A nickname is any name I wanna give someone, Kelloggs. Besides, it’s the same amount of …” She frowned, the word syllables lost on her. “It’s as long as Kelly when you say it, so.” Daiyu rolled her eyes as she went back to hiding behind the creature’s big butt, poking it softly once more. She did not like to be held accountable for her slipups, especially because she very much wanted to be someone who did not care about the consequences of those on others. And though it wasn’t like she was heartbroken about disadvantaging Kelly or Owen, she did not particularly like it either. “Wow, you almost make it sound like stealing a truck is easy! How about you do it next time, hm?”
As they continued down, she did wonder about Kelly some more. She usually saw the merit in adding more hunters to her social network, but his bond with Owen was a frustrating fact. And that fucking day in the woods … she was sure he would love hanging out with Henri and talking about rules. But even if Kelly had something on her — and she was sure he did, considering his buddy-buddyness with Owen and her general luck — she had something on him, too. Daiyu was slowly starting to put together the strangeness of Kelly being a ranger. First and foremost because he’d still been opposed to fire as a weapon, when it was a great weapon, but also because that ruled out him being a shifter. There had been no one else that day in the woods besides that little tike and she had to wonder … though she felt it was a question best kept up her sleeve. Besides, she was busy with the tardigrade’s butt.
Once they reached the base, Daiyu circled around Lickety-Split and regrouped with her team. She patted the beast’s flank with a flat hand after tucking her knife away, looking at the three of them. “That’s a good … whatever that is,” she said, looking at the strange creature. She then followed Kelly’s gaze and worried words, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Diversion.” She looked over at Lickety-Split. “Y’all do one, I walk him.”
—
Diversion, huh? Diversion might could work. Only, what sort of diversion could distract an entire neighborhood from the tardigrade? Still. “Best idea I’ve heard out of you yet,” Kelly said, unable to resist a backhand to go with his compliment. He sent his fellow ranger a sidelong glance. They’d have more than enough time to hash out their differences, later. And, to her credit, even if she had done the math, started to put together an answer to the Flip equation, Daiyu was being decent enough not to out the kid to the whole “team.” Look: Kelly didn’t like to think poorly of a fellow ranger, but she’d done herself that disservice all on her own when she’d even thought about threatening the kid, back when. She was lucky that they’d had their little spat when they had. If it had been even a few weeks later, Kelly wasn’t sure that he’d have walked away as easily—not after Lia.
But there was work to be done, here and now. Kelly wracked his brain, sifting through all he knew about Netherville, keeping his back to the tardigrade to, hopefully, mask its form. Predictably, most of his awareness of the neighborhood came from firefighting, not from hunting. (What werewolf would crawl around in a dank cave when there were woods for miles on the surface?) Still, even his day job wasn’t much help. West Station covered this chunk of the town, but the how was a bit of a work in progress. The higher-ups had talked about the difficulty of reaching the place—or so he heard—but most else was rumor. The facts were this: Netherville had soft priority. If two sets of tones went out, one for Netherville and one for Downtown, West Station would take the former. East Station would pick up the slack. Netherville itself had unique issues, compared to the surface neighborhoods. Seismic activity was the most immediate (natural) threat to the place’s stability, so much so that there was an early warning system. Kelly couldn’t summon up an earthquake, but maybe…
An idea crossed his mind. A long shot, but… Kelly glanced at Mickey. Human speed would slow him down. “I’ll catch up,” he said, throwing Owen a lazy salute. Sure, it was nowhere near locking Kelly in the trailer, but some hunters hated babysitting. Owen seemed the type.
Without another word, Kelly was off.
—
THREE.
—
In theory, a distraction was something that Mickey excelled at. He distracted people at work all the time so he was told. Distracting coworkers seemed a bit different than trying to find a way to keep eyes off of a rhino-sized interdimensional bug thing now affectionately known as Lickety-Split (at least to Mickey and Daiyu). He hoped that Owen had an idea that didn’t involve violence, though given the few interactions that he had had with Owen, he stayed a bit worried to get his two cents in. “Dynamic duo back at it again, huh?” Mickey hopped up and down eagerly, gently poking at Owen’s shoulder and immediately stopping once he realized that he was poking a very unpokeable person. “Too bad I don’t have my water sprayer thing this time, huh?” he began miming the pulling the trigger of the soda gun, for the effect.
All good ideas started with a good brainstorm, so Mickey did what he did best and started yapping. “How are your tap dancing skills? I’m thinking we find a top hat and maybe a cane and go out there and put on a show like Netherville has never seen before. Ooh! Or maybe we find a second, bigger version of Lickety-Split and parade it through the caves so that our supernatural Energizer Bunny can slip by unnoticed?” He tapped his fingers against his chin as he walked along and tried to think of some other ideas. “We could publicly challenge the mayor of the town to a duel? And then fake a heart attack to get out of the duel! Wait, does Netherville have a mayor? It feels like they would. I just think he’d probably dress like the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera.” Okay, Mickey was officially out of ideas. “Any of these resonating with you, Roadhouse?”
—
This could have been done through a tunnel, fuck you very much, Daiyu. This could have been done without the assistance of a medical professional (professional being used very loosely here), but maybe if Owen broke Kelly’s nose, Mickey could make himself useful— Focus. Daiyu and the fucking battery source were waiting patiently for a signal to progress, and Owen’s fuzzy mind found it all too easy to block out the stream of words coming from Mickey (a special fuck you to Kelly for leaving Owen alone with the rambling doctor), but he needed to lock back in. The white noise of sound that was Mickey became words once again and Owen regretted immediately, placing a hand heavily on Mickey’s shoulder. “Hey, doc? Shut up before I make you and we have a medical emergency distraction. Alright? Perfect.”
Had any of what Mickey said been useful? The fuck had he been on about… dancing, new monster, a duel. Yeah no, not fucking useful, like Owen had thought. “A controlled fire might do the trick? Or if there’s any way to set off any sort of fire alarm, even without the fire, but fuck if I know how this thing is set up.” Owen looked around, as if there would simply be a ‘break in case of fire’ box tacked onto one of these rocky walls. Imagine if the person planning (again, planning was used loosely) this had made any sort of actual fucking plan at all. “Where the fuck is Brooks, anyway?”
—
It was hard to tell, but Mickey was starting to get the idea that Owen was not in the mood for some lighthearted ice breakers. Sure, not every idea was going to be a winner. But this was just to loosen the ol’ brain up, get the idea juices flowing. There could only be so many bad ideas, so eventually they’d have to be good. That was just the law of averages. Probably. Mickey was a doctor, not a mathematician. “In this situation am I the one that’s supposed to treat the medical emergency in this distraction? Because if I am the distraction and I’m supposed to treat it, I’m not quite following the log—” Owen’s displeased look made Mickey pause, using his fingers to mime zipping his mouth shut before flicking the invisible key away and giving Owen a thumbs up. “Shutting up. Got it.”
As it turned out, shutting up was really hard to do. Owen bounced around his own ideas. Admittedly more appropriate, but less fun and whimsical than Mickey’s own ideas. Sure it might get the job done, but they weren’t going to be spotted by any talent agencies afterwards. Not to mention the irony of starting a fire when they travelled here with a firefighter. Presumably, the two were mortal enemies. “Just needs some smoke, yeah? I have matches in my bag if we can find an alarm to set off.”
—
At last, a moment of silence. It had only taken one more withering look and it had earned Owen a blissful… thirty seconds of silence? At least when Mickey did finally open his mouth again, it was a genuine idea that didn’t leave Owen wanting to find the fucking giant beast and beg it to just crush him and get this over with. “It’s a start to a plan…” Owen sighed, still surveying the area in the hopes that the solution would present itself. He felt that this ragtag team of fuck ups deserved at least one hand out. “Alright, come on. Let’s find something that looks like a fire alarm… or something to set on fire.” It was for a good cause, right? Kelly was bound to agree with them. For a beat, Owen eyed Mickey like he was considering setting the doctor on fire, and then they were off.
Annoyingly, the silence was worse. The silence gave Owen space to think about what might happen if this didn’t work. How long it might take for the slowly growing feeling of weakness to no longer be staved off by the Oasis, how long after that it would take everything to end. If it would be drawn out and shitty and painful and if Wyatt would even be human enough at that point to care– “Alright, weirdest shit you’ve seen at the hospital. Go.”
Mickey’s yapping provided a nice (though Owen would never admit as much) backdrop to their search, which brought them closer to the outskirts of the lived in area and consequently, finally to where Brooks was hiding. “There you fucking are,” Owen called out. This place could work for a fire, actually. Just needed to hope there was something that would alert people to the damn fire, other than it just growing real fucking big. “We have a… plan is too fucking generous but something we can try.”
—
Kelly heard ‘em—well, heard Mickey—before he saw ‘em. Good. He’d need a hand from Owen for the next part, anyway. “Don’t get your britches in a twist. I didn’t go that far.” He waved the men over to him, grinning. ‘Cause he was polite, he let Owen explain the bones of his and Mickey’s plan, such as it was. Then, ‘cause it wasn’t the worst plan, if a bit lacking on the execution, Kelly told ‘em, “Good job.” Then, ‘cause Kelly had a better plan, he led the trio forward and into a lopsided stone-hewn building, past caution tape. There sat Kelly’s prize, the backbone of his idea. Understandably, as neither man had been with him as he’d hunted down the hidden cache, he wasn’t sure that his teammates understood his plan. So, Kelly started explaining.
See, as far as Kelly knew, when Netherville had been uncovered, whatever the hell that was supposed to mean, there had been some question about what to do with it. From an emergency services perspective, as the Chief was pretty unconcerned with the politics of saving lives, that question boiled down to how to service the neighborhood. ‘Course, it’d been surviving just fine on its own, and Netherville was keen to keep it that way. But that just hadn’t sat right with the Chief, especially not with townsfolk moving down to make their homes on the cheap. Alongside West Station answering the call, there’d been another, more pressing compromise made, one that Kelly suspected might have a promise or twelve cooked up in it. And so, the entire neighborhood, even at the edges, was outfitted with what amounted to a load of tornado sirens, basically overnight.
Obviously, there weren’t no tornadoes brewing below ground, but, what with construction and foot traffic and the good ol’ Wicked’s Rest strangeness, there’d been concerns about, if you could believe it, earthquakes. Kelly wasn’t quite sure how the technology worked, didn’t need to be, but he knew it was sensitive—a Westie had complained about being called out to false alarms. False alarms that still forced folks indoors (if partly ‘cause the racket was loud), still made West Station drive out to manually check for activity before turning the sirens off. And, given how long the average call took down here, it’d take time for ‘em to make it all the way down, find out nothin’ was really wrong, and give the all clear. Just enough time, then, if they could manage, for Daiyu and the tardigrade to make their way through the streets of Netherville. (As a bonus, one that’d make Eve proud, it’d limit the number of folks who got a good look at the tardigrade.)
The real hurdle was creating seismic activity, but they didn’t need to summon up an earthquake, just make the sensors think they had. “That’s where this beaut comes in,” Kelly finished, slapping a hand down on the cool metal of the locked magazine holding, presumably, enough explosives to drop a building down. Kelly’d had ample time to come up with the plan, scour the edge of the neighborhood for buildings set to be demolished as Netherville expanded deeper underground, and practice his explanation and elevator pitch for Mickey and Owen. And, well, two out of three would have to do, given the explanation had gone long in the tooth.
“Fire ain’t a bad idea, but if it spreads, that’ll pull innocents into this mess. Instead, boom. I’ve done a demolition,” once, years ago. ‘Sides, Kelly wouldn’t need to supervise it, just light it and get clear. “We good? I’d ask if y’all have questions, but there ain’t time. Daiyu’s probably gettin’ all impatient.”
—
Surely every doctor had a weird sexual story prepared for when people asked about their craziest hospital experience. Mickey had a few of his own, but he was right in the middle of explaining how a man had managed to sever seven of his fingers at a Wendy’s when they ran into Kelly and his story got interrupted by the larger plan at play.
The brief history lesson was fascinating, but didn’t really paint a picture for Mickey of what Kelly’s grand scheme was. At least, not at first. Soon enough, the general idea became obvious enough. “This sounds suspiciously like our plan but with more boom,” Mickey noted. What was an explosion if not a fire but… louder? Sure, whatever. He wasn’t a demolition expert. Come to think of it, he wasn’t convinced Kelly was either.
“I actually have so many concerns, from a medical and safety standpoint. But I’m more of an unofficial medical practitioner at the moment. Plus, I think I might be a felon now after the whole truck thing. So, I guess I’m just going along with this clearly unsafe plan.” Mickey shrugged, fairly certain this was going to end very poorly. As the only non-hunter here, he assumed this was like a normal Tuesday thing.
—
Explosions. Sure, why in the fucking fuck not. Owen’s only question about this whole damn thing was ‘does it get me home quicker?’ so he was willing to deal with Kelly taking the reins and going all demolition on them. Mickey took care of voicing shit that any sensible person might comment on when it came to an uncontrolled explosion but even that didn’t really reach levels of any actual concern. Great, so they were doing this. “Worst case scenario, we have one less ranger to deal with,” Owen commented dryly as he joined Kelly in prying open the human-but-not-hunter-strength proof container for the fucking explosives. “Well, worst case scenario, we all share a tomb when this whole place comes crumbling down. Pretty fucking romantic.”
With a final, smug blow from Owen to the lock that seemed to be the only thing keeping this ragtag team from an industrial-grade explosion (common sense wasn’t stopping them, as previously stated), Kelly had, horrifyingly, full access to a wide range of explosives. For a moment, Owen wished he wasn’t an atheist, because he partially wanted to pray to some unknown entity right about now.
Shooting off a text to Daiyu that the distraction was being prepped and to ‘listen out for it’, Owen shoved Mickey to the side when it seemed likely that the doctor was about to handle anything related to the setup. “Pretty fucking useless to us if you blow off your hands, aren’t you?”
After commenting on the amount of explosives and consequently being shot down by Kelly, Owen settled for briefly daydreaming about the ranger trapped under a mound of rubble before silently finishing the setup for this insane plan. “Alright, Brooks. Floor’s all fucking yours, don’t make too big of a hole in it.”
—
Clearly unsafe. Clearly unsafe? For Chrissakes, this was why Kelly didn’t involve civilians in hunter business. There was always bellyaching over danger, and it wasn’t like Kelly could even blame Mickey for it. Being less durable must be terrifying. It was why hunters did what they did. And being able to handle risk, that was part and parcel; nothing hunters did was without risk. Doing the job, being good, was about risk management. A controlled explosion, of a freestanding building already marked for demolition, was one of the damn safest plans that Kelly could come up with. With nobody out here at the edge of the neighborhood, and Mickey keeping his hands off the explosives, the collateral damage was limited, the only real risk to the hunters. If Kelly’d had more time to plan and scout, maybe he’d have come up with a better plan. But he hadn’t, so he couldn’t. If this was a call and Kelly’d been pushing a gurney into the emergency room, there’d be a reason to defer to Mickey and his experience. Hunters had different kinds of experience. Experience that Mickey just lacked.
‘Sides, these were industrial-grade explosives. It wasn’t like they were magic or nothing. This was predictable—more predictable than fire. Kelly’d heard Mickey’s concerns, really, but there just wasn’t time to be doubting.
Owen’s reaction was more muted; Kelly couldn’t get a good read. Hunters never liked playing second-fiddle. Most wouldn’t dare admit another’s plan was better than their own. So, if Owen wanted to crack jokes at Kelly’s expense, Kelly’d take it. So long as Owen was helping, he’d even crack a few of his own. “Least our corpses won’t come back, yeah? If this all goes wrong, there won’t be enough left of ‘em to piss off slayers.” Was that the sort of truism that might reassure Owen? That he wouldn’t end up like Emilio? (Kelly didn’t know if they’d run across each other. Even in territory this small, not all hunters knew each other.) With a final smack from Owen, the lock clattered to the ground. The magazine was open for inspection, and Kelly took stock. There were a lot of explosives, that much was true, but Kelly’d almost… been expecting more—backups, in the event of dead charges. Should just be enough. Brushing off Owen’s concerns and burying his own, Kelly went to work.
Explosive demolition—commonly referred to as implosion, though that wasn’t quite accurate—wasn’t one big boom. It was more like cutting through steel or wood. Smaller explosions, like relief cuts, first, to weaken the structural supports. Building up to a final, bigger, explosion. Ideally, the building collapsed in on itself, limiting the debris and impact. As he and Owen busied themselves with setting charges onto the stone pillars supporting the floors above them, Kelly sketched this all out to the other men. (And if it convinced ‘em that he knew what the hell he was doing, all the better.) The detcord chained between the charges, circling back to the middle, where the remaining explosives were set up. With any luck, Kelly’d engage the trigger, and they’d all go off in sequence. When he felt satisfied that they’d done the best they could, Kelly ran the last of the detcord outside. “Plug your ears, y’all. Won’t take long at all.”
With one last look at his partners in crime, Kelly activated the trigger. It jumped. He was certain he felt it jump. But… nothing happened. Shit. Owen’d been wrong about the worst case scenario. Worst case scenario was that Kelly’d wired it wrong, or there was a fault, and they’d wasted precious time. Kelly waited a long moment, toggled the trigger every way he knew how. Silence, still. The trio were back to square one. And one of them had to stay behind, while the others went to try a different plan, to deconstruct the explosive web. Couldn’t well leave it set up; that was an unacceptable risk. Maybe a fire would have to do. If Owen and Mickey could find the source of the sensors, fry the electrical, trick it? Too damn long, but it was all they had left.
However, as Kelly turned to his allies, about to spit out an apology and offer to stay behind, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Not like his hunter senses; there wasn’t a distinctive itch. More like a storm rolling in. Complete with thunder as the first explosion shook the ground, stronger than Kelly had expected. What the— He whipped around as the second blast triggered, stumbling. His eyes went wide as purple, then green, smoke erupted from the entrance, unnatural and strange. Kelly took a step back—or tried to, but something was tugging at him, like the explosions were warping reality inward. There wasn’t time to stop it, not now that it was already in motion. Kelly could try and put as much of himself between the source and Owen, hope Owen could do the same with Mickey. If he let himself be tugged, maybe whatever force wouldn’t grab hold of the others. An acceptable risk. “Go! Fuckin’ run!”
And as quickly as he’d been pulled forward, Kelly went still, frozen in place. Boom, boom, boom. The sirens began to blare overhead. And then, he was being blasted back in a mess of stone, heat, ash, and the unmistakable ripple of magic through his body. Shit. Fucking spellcasters. Always fucking up a good plan.
—
Obviously, Owen wanted this stupid fucking plan to work so they could be done with this stupid fucking mission and the nonsense of magic being on the fritz. That was what the sensible (and sometimes less dominant) part of his mind demanded, but, as Kelly uselessly clicked the button, Owen couldn’t help the wave of smug amusement. It was definitely visible on his face when Kelly finally turned, probably to make some excuse, but the ranger only had a hot second or so to appreciate the infuriating expression before the sudden noise and rumbling caught them all off guard. Owen had trouble staying steady on his feet too, both from the ground quaking and also something… less obvious. Something that seemed to have an even stronger pull on Kelly. “Fuck,” Owen bit out, digging in his heels as a second or two passed, wondering if he’d actually be able to pull on Brooks’s shirt collar and yank him back — probably not, as he was barely holding his own ground. Besides, rangers were designed to be extra tough. Short doctors with big mouths weren’t.
With Kelly’s shouting urging him on, Owen pushed against this invisible strain, grabbing at Mickey’s forearm to tug him along for a few very hard-earned steps until the pull lessened and actually running became a possibility. There was no looking back to check on Kelly — if he was fucked, seeing it in action wouldn’t be helpful for shit. The ground rumbled again as the building finally came down in its entirety, whirling up dust and skipping smaller pieces of rubble all the way over to where Owen had pulled Mickey along. There was no waiting for the dust (or presumably fucking magic) to settle before Owen was rushing back towards the wreckage with a harsh demand for Mickey to stay back, peering at the rubble and waiting for a sign of life. Hopefully Daiyu had taken the fucking explosion followed by sirens as a sign to move the fuck along.
After what felt like fucking ages (yet was probably closer to five minutes or so) of peering and pushing at whatever pieces of rubble Owen could realistically lift, there was a fucking sign of life. Considering he’d dropped a whole building on himself, Kelly looked… well, he looked fucking alive, at least. “You fucking idiot.” After waving Mickey over and clearing some more of the rubble off the ranger’s worse-for-wear body, Owen found himself hesitating. Daiyu could probably walk the fucking thing herself but making sure Kelly was in one piece wasn’t the end game here — getting that slow giant to where it needed to go was. “Try to get him out of here,” Owen demanded of Mickey, peering at the ranger’s chest to try and surmise if it was moving the way it should before shifting his gaze away. Irrelevant. “We’ll double back for you if you have any trouble. Don’t get fucking arrested. Or die.” With that hopeful message, Owen pulled himself away from the damn bombsite, hurrying to where Daiyu was hopefully making progress with the magical beast of fuckery.
—
FOUR.
—
Waiting in an alcove with a really large creature she could not identify was rather tedious, Daiyu found. She was not interested in bonding with Lickety-Split, even if his huge rump made a nice structure to lean against as she fiddled with her knife. Cleaning some of the rims of her nails, she waited for the thing she was supposed to ‘listen out for’ according to Owen, hoping he would not cause a ringing to her ears. On the other hand, some part of her figured that a little bit of tinnitus would be worth whatever cause they were serving here.
That was the worst part about being stuck there, though. The creature showed no signs of intelligent life or understanding her when she’d talked to it, and so she was alone with her thoughts. Daiyu was alone with her thoughts aplenty, but not often on group missions, mostly on the account of her not really doing group missions. But there was a greater good now that she was attempting to serve out of some weird loyalty to this town and some of its inhabitants. An annoying thing to reflect on, considering all the people in town that also had it out for her.
She was ripped out of her weighing her hatred and loyalty for Wicked’s Rest when the first explosion rang out. That was a clear ‘listen out for’ thing, she figured. “We’re on,” she muttered to the thick, strange creature. She turned around, pressing her weight into the large tardigrade-esque thing to get it to move. When her body weight wasn’t enough, she added the pressure of her knife.
The following explosions, sirens, and the sting of her knife were enough to make the beast start to move, albeit slowly. She remained behind it, eyes flicking around her as she moved from where she had hidden and trying to see if there were any people who might stop her. Being seen was not her main concern now, even with all the influence Eve had had on her life. Three big explosions in a cave system lit a fire under her ass, was all. She did not want to die under a load of rubble with a strange creature as her only companion. “Come on, LS. Get a move on.”
—
FIVE.
—
Kelly had become a chicken finger. Specifically, the ones Mickey left in his air fryer a little too long because he got distracted by… Well, pretty much anything distracted Mickey. Owen had left him to make sure Kelly was alive and that was pretty much all he could confirm at the moment. There was no surprise that the plan that’d seemed riddled with danger and prone to backfire had managed to backfire and be very dangerous. Unfortunately, the only person around that Mickey could announce his ‘I told you so’s to was currently unconscious in the rubble.
“Way to really steal all the attention for yourself.” Mickey laughed nervously, trying to stay lighthearted despite the obvious horrors happening around them. He knew little about the three he had found himself partnered with. Even Owen, who was considered a friend, or at least adjacently so, was still mostly a mystery to Mickey. What he did seem to understand is that for whatever reason they were all built for this existential horror shit more than Mickey was. They all seemed to have an intimate knowledge of the supernatural, whereas Mickey’s claim to supernatural fame was that his sister glowed sometimes. He was clearly out of his depth, and trying to treat someone that had just been exploded was actually the most normal thing to happen to him all day. He had leapt at the chance to prove some level of usefulness that didn’t involve rhino sized bugs, stairs from hell, or grand larceny.
“Very Tony Stark of you. I do respect it, but I think— Hey!” Mickey snapped his fingers to ensure that Kelly wasn’t passing out on him, “Let’s stay awake now, ‘kay? I’m pretty sure if you die on me now I’m going to lose my medical license.” He would totally lose his medical license regardless if the board ever got wind of this. Kelly was clearly in pain, but he was conscious, which meant that he probably looked worse off than he actually was. “I’m going to sanitize and wrap some of the open wounds. It’s going to hurt like a bitch, but probably only like thirty percent as much as having a building fall on you. All in the perspective, yeah?” Given their location, he’d have to hope that this would be enough to let the hunter healing do some of the work for him.
—
Fuck. That seemed to be about the best that his brain could come up with. When you’d had your shit rocked—and, if he could focus, Kelly might be able to name other times in his life when his shit had been so rocked—your brain retreated to its baser instincts. Kelly’s baser instincts seemed angry.
… Shit. Did this count as talking to himself? Bad sign.
The first sense to come back to him, fully, was touch. Now, this was not his ideal sense. Hearing, that’d be preferable. But, no, the ringing hadn’t quieted down just yet. Through the din, Kelly heard muffled voices, just barely. Two, maybe? From touch, he felt calloused hands, pulling him across cold stone. Those were the only neutral sensations. Mostly, he felt pain. Normally, he could rationalize a bit of pain—okay, a lot of pain. He was born to take pain, funnel it into something useful. How had this been useful, again? Kelly hadn’t quite gotten there, yet.
Time wasn’t a sense. It tried to slip away, but he caught it between his teeth, let it yank him back towards the present. “Where’s Flip?” he asked, through the cottonmouth. Wait. Why would Flip be here? Kelly was in… Netherville. Someone was checking his pulse. He wiggled his fingers and toes, eager, even delirious, to help someone attend to their duty. He’d be fine. In a bit, he’d be fine. So, he’d just… rest his eyes, a little.
Snap-snap. Right in his face. Hearing was back. Kelly even recognized the voice. Begrudgingly, he tore his eyes open, pleasantly surprised that the light was dim. Might be a pain in the ass for Mickey—right, yeah, okay, it was coming back—but he’d make do. “Who the hell’s Tony Stark?” Not the most important question, Kellison. Pay attention to the friendly doctor. Oh. A building had fallen on him. That… explained a lot. Kelly tried to sit up, immediately regretted it, thumped back onto the stone. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “‘M a terrible patient. Do your worst, Mickey. I can take it.” What doesn’t kill you…
—
Kelly was definitely conscious, but Mickey supposed he should be worried about a concussion. At least, his first words didn’t inspire a ton of confidence that he was present and aware. “What’s flip?” Mickey asked. If he was talking about flip cup then they were definitely in trouble.
Who was Tony Stark? Mickey understood not caring for Marvel, but not even knowing the name? Maybe he was even worse off than Mickey originally predicted. Weren’t hunters supposed to have super healing or something? Shouldn’t he be witnessing the wounds close up before his very eyes? Wishful thinking, Mickey supposed. While Mickey worked to get the man cleaned up, he kept talking absentmindedly. Partially to keep the man awake and mostly because Mickey had not quite mastered that shutting up command from Owen yet. It was a work in progress. “Nah, you’re not that bad of a patient. Honestly, thinking about the group of us here, you’re probably number one. Or maybe number two. Owen’s definitely three, on account of being a little terrifying. I mean, we’re definitely friends. He probably wouldn’t tell you that but he’s actually pretty fond of me, I think.”
Once Mickey was satisfied with the gauze wrapping, which felt like slapping a Band-Aid on a bullet hole considering a building had just fallen on the man, Mickey leaned back. “For obvious reasons, treating someone on a cave floor isn’t my ideal work space. Do you think with my help we could get you on your feet? I can get you to the truck and then take another look.”
—
Kelly could’ve addressed Mickey’s confusion over Flip, but, for now, it was better to ignore it. Time would tell if Kelly needed to call on the doctor’s services; Mickey had risen to the top of Kelly’s list in a hurry. It was a dubious honor, to be sure, but surely the doctor expected as much. Mickey was the first doctor in this town that Kelly knew had some idea about the supernatural. If unsavory sorts found out about that, Mickey’d be in high demand. Kelly, on the other hand, was plenty savory. ‘Sides, he could act like any other parent, concerned about their kid’s wellbeing and too nervous to wait for their primary care physician. And, hell, Kelly asking a question or two best suited for a pediatrician (… or a veterinarian) was small potatoes compared to the field dressing that Mickey was doing out here.
Mickey was a rambling man. Kelly wasn’t quite up for a conversation, but he tried his best to pay attention, keeping track of the rankings that Mickey was doling out. The last bit was the most interesting to puzzle over. Sure, Owen might be “terrifying,” but Kelly was… sixty-percent, maybe even seventy-percent, positive that he hadn’t imagined the slayer jumping to shield Mickey as the explosion had gone wrong. Now, that could be hunter training. Their kind were always eager to throw themselves in the line of fire to protect humans. But, well, it could be that Mickey was right, that Owen was fond of the doctor. None of Kelly’s business. (What friends did Kelly really have to compare it to?)
“I’d like to be topside,” Kelly said in lieu of a real answer. He guessed, based on the pain that sitting up had brought, that his ribs were broken. But this time, he’d be prepared, and knowing where it’d hurt worst always helped. More or less. No need for Kelly to grit his teeth or stuff his mouth with gauze. But, as the doctor took Kelly’s arm to try and help the ranger to his feet, a new problem reared its head. Fire shot through Kelly’s forearm, up to his shoulder, breaking the calm that Kelly had barely wrangled. “Mother of fuck! Goddammit.” Quickly, probably a little too quickly, Kelly flung himself up off the stone, using his other arm—unbroken, thank fuck—to steady himself against Mickey. He took a breath, then another, his broken arm dangling at his side. “Phew. Sorry ‘bout that, Mickey. Let’s get movin’.”
—
“Topside sounds great. For once, Wicked’s Rest is looking like the safer of two options.” Mickey wasn’t sure how the caves normally ranked compared to Wicked’s Rest on account of not coming here very often, but he was sure that the relative danger that people were in flip-flopped between the two. With an explosion, it definitely edged Wicked’s Rest out today.
As soon as Mickey pulled, he could tell something was wrong. The instant pain and jerk back. “That’s not a great sign.” Mickey whistled. It was almost certainly broken. His experience with hunters was non-existent, at least that he knew of. They switched sides, so that Mickey could help support Kelly from the non-broken arm, and Mickey began talking as they made their way to the truck. “I can get a splint on it, but there’s not a ton I can do without proper medical attention. I can get a sling, maybe even swing a cast if I’m lucky. But it would be relying a lot on hunter healing. Have you broken bones before? Is this a common thing?” It had taken years for Mickey’s leg to feel fully recovered after the damage the monster had done to him as a kid. Sometimes he still wondered if it ever truly healed. He was almost impressed with how casually Kelly was taking the news, if it wasn’t probably a mixture of adrenaline and childhood trauma. Mickey supposed the least he could do was try to match that blasé attitude. “Sure thing, dude. Let’s get you to the truck.”
—
Safer, huh? Kelly wasn’t sure if he agreed with all of that. If Daiyu and Owen completed the mission and brought the tardigrade to the rendezvous point, who would be safer, in the end? Was it better for humans not to know what was stalking them in the night? Would they sleep more soundly?
Kelly shook his head. Explosion must’ve knocked a few screws loose. ‘Course it was safer, nobody knowing. If that meant magic had to run rampant, so be it. Right? It was far too late to be doubting the plan. Kelly, the team, they were just the delivery service. Couldn’t know what the consequences of it all would be; they’d have to cross that bridge later. ‘Sides. Kelly thought of Flip. Even if magic was on the outs, never repaired, the kid would still be jerked around by the phases of the moon. But with it back up and running, he’d be predictably jerked around.
As the two men began walking, the sirens still blaring overhead (though, honestly, he barely paid them any mind), Kelly used his good hand to pat Mickey on the shoulder reassuringly. “Broken more bones than I can count, man. Don’t worry. I’ll be right as rain before you know it.” Relative to a standard human, anyway. Depended on how bad the damage was. He’d have to think of a good lie for work. Just good enough to use his medical leave without much question. (It was generous. On account of all the deaths… and the union.) Eh. Kelly’d figure it out. He’d survived worse than wrangling a toddler with one arm. Daniel had Flip tonight and, hell, he’d just survived a goddamn explosion. As far as hunters went, that made him goddamn near invincible!
… Invincible, but sore.
—
SIX.
—
It hadn’t taken too long to catch up to Daiyu — after all, she was slowed down by the damn giant beast. Honestly, Owen would have preferred for it to take longer to catch up, as falling into step with Daiyu meant spending time alone with her for the first time since admitting that he didn’t want her, or a werewolf that had tried to kill her, dead. The silence was just as suffocating as the damn vibe of this whole place and Owen couldn’t fucking wait to get out. Even with the stupid beast almost crushing someone on the stairs and Kelly getting his dumb ass practically blown to bits, Owen still expected the other shoe to drop. No way this would just… succeed.
“Kinda expected you to tell me to fuck off when I reached out,” Owen started, antsy and annoyed at their painstakingly slow pace. If they tried to go at the whole thing in silence, he’d attempt to blow himself up, too.
—
“Still might,” she said curtly. She had heard Owen approach, even with her sense of smell somewhat ruined. Daiyu had grown quite fond of walking alone with Lickety-Split, glad to let the others distract and destroy as she prodded the creature along. Between Kelly (annoyingly self-righteous and entirely confusing) and Owen (recently resurrected and apparently caring about her wellbeing), she was in no mood to keep up the cooperation. But here he was, the rest of the team potentially left behind.
She glowered at him for a moment before returning her attention to the beast’s butt. “The fuck did you guys do back there?” She hated the way her skin crawled with discomfort. She did not want to say why she was here. That the magic in town being all weird was annoying to her, sure, but that the memory of Wyatt’s feral state subdued by her own darts was still gnawing at her. Even now that she did not talk to him much anymore. There were others she worried about too, but it was the lamia who was at the front of her mind now that Owen was sidling up next to her.
—
Owen eyed her and something that might have been a smile, if the other fuckass ranger on this mission hadn’t just almost blown all of them up, tugged at Owen’s lips. “Great, can you? Kinda fucked that you haven’t, honestly. Diplomatic Daiyu is weird.” Owen pushed, because there was little else to do and because rangers could overall get fucked, but he didn’t mind Daiyu, and Wyatt had been so damn butthurt at getting blocked. If there was a way back in, if all of the damn drama somehow seemed less important in the wake of saving this fucking stupid town again, then Owen had to take the chance.
“Brooks blew himself up,” Owen answered nonchalantly, debating how long to pause before finally adding, “but he’s alive though, I think. Almost got me and Doctor Yapper in the process, too. Worked though. He’s in great hands. Well, adequate hands. Hartmann’s pretty decent at patching people up, even helped Wyatt out, once.” Conspicuously, Owen watched Daiyu for a reaction.
—-
“Don’t worry, the second this shit is done, I might consider impaling you on stalactite. Or the fucking other one — stalagmite? Whatever the sharpest one is,” she said, not with a whole lot of passion. Daiyu didn’t want to fight Owen. Not right now, and not physically. She wanted to get the weird creature to its place, wash her hands of this act of what Owen rightfully called diplomacy, and move on. Any act of what could be considered charitable goodness tended to sit strangely with her, and especially because she’d come at Owen’s call, she was feeling the kind of twisted up that required the woods, her dog, and some quiet.
She swiveled her head to look (up) at Owen when he mentioned Kelly, mouth slightly agape. “What the fuck,” she mumbled. “What an idiot.” Owen mentioned the fact that Mickey had helped out Wyatt once and she filed the information away for future use. Though Regan had become her de facto medical advisor, it was good to know what medics knew about the supernatural. Daiyu tried to bat away the mention of Wyatt mentally, but it was hard to with Owen towering over her and his name in his mouth. She looked back ahead, at the large butt in front of them. Part of why she was doing this was Wyatt. She wondered if Owen knew that. She wondered why that mattered to her. “Guess we’re close to a successful mission then, even with this band of idiots.”
—
The threat, halfhearted as it was, helped to ease the tension some. Owen hummed in thought, only briefly wondering what it would actually look like if he were forced to physically fight all five fucking feet of Daiyu, before banishing that scenario from his mind. It wouldn’t come to that, since Wyatt was the only fuse with a big enough blow out to have Owen actually fighting another hunter again and Daiyu had a soft spot for the shifter. Didn’t she? “Sounds like a plan, Blade.”
Moving into more comfortable territory of calling another ranger an idiot, Owen huffed a laugh. “Yeah, no fucking clue who thought it was a good idea bringing this mission to him in the first place. At least he had the brains to ask for backup.” The same could be said for Owen, uncharacteristically reaching out to Daiyu and Mickey for help with all of this. It was easier, when it wasn’t his mess that needed fixing. Sure, the stakes were pretty fucking high, too, but that had never stopped Owen from soldiering the fuck on by himself before. Daiyu brushed by the mention of Wyatt in a way that spoke volumes and with the ranger looking the other way, a faint smirk tugged at Owen’s mouth. That southern bastard and his inescapable charm.
“Shockingly.” There wasn’t a whole lot of need for more talking, neither of them particularly verbal except when it came to insults, which was a thing Owen begrudgingly appreciated about his fellow hunter. At least the initial awkwardness had been somewhat diffused, allowing Owen instead to focus on how infuriatingly slow this damn fucking beast was.
—
The mocking of her surname was discomforting in a way it wasn’t with others, because Owen knew that her surname was a fabrication. And that wasn’t even high up on the list of uncomfortable truths the other knew about her. It was as if that game of truth or dare had continued even after the faun running it had died. At least some uncomfortable truths about Owen were held by her, too. Daiyu still felt that the scales were not balanced, though.
She scrunched her face in thought for a moment. “So you got other rangers in your network besides me, huh? I’m almost wounded, but, ya know, I don’t care.” Unaddressed went the fact that Owen had asked her for backup, even with all that was stuck between them now. His death, Talia and Wyatt, the secrets spilled before all of it. Daiyu had a feeling that he knew that she was doing this in part for Wyatt and she hated the idea of that being why she’d been asked along. She had been too obvious with her feelings with this one.
She prodded the beast’s butt once more. “This is taking forever,” she muttered. “It better fucking work, or else I’m sending these bitches an invoice for wasting my time.”
—
Owen scoffed, side-eyeing Daiyu before turning his attention back to the beast. “Right. Never care about anything, do you?” Like looking in a fun house mirror. Whether she was worse at pretending than Owen, or it just looked like it because he could see through Daiyu from experience, he knew she did care. Not about knowing other rangers but just in general. A discussion for another time. “An invoice? This doesn’t work, I’m beating up everyone fucking involved.”
Everyone was, of course, not information Owen had been privy to beforehand. He was just as fucking confused once the stupid beast finally reached its destination, as the group was either unfamiliar to him or made no fucking sense. It was clear from the looks of them why Kelly, and consequently Owen and the team he had scrounged up, had been asked to do the dirty work. “Fucking finally. Enjoy the giant fucker and, yes, he does move as slow as he looks.”
[pm] No one's bleeding out. This bite happened a few days ago.
I know. I know. [...] I've had medical care. Honestly, all I need right now is rest. You have Flip to take care of, I don't want to pull you away from that.
[pm] A few days ago? What the fuck, Eve. [User cycles through a bunch of emotive impulses, lands firmly on no specific emotional reaction. If he's having one, he wouldn't be able to name it. Wouldn't be useful, anyway.] Okay. [...] You're alive, and that's all that what matters most. For now. [User takes a deep breath and thumbs out a message to the sitter, calling her off.]
I want to [...] I believe you. I believe that [...] you know that. [User isn't lying, per se, but that's... loaded.] You should've I wish you would've Eve, in case it wasn't [...] obvious, let me just say it. Then I'll stop naggin' you. [This is a lie. Eve is going to get at least one message per day until User sees her in-person again.] You call, I answer. Then, I work as hard as I can to get to you. Don't matter if I got a shift, or I need to figure out Flip's situation, or whatever the fuck hell else. I'll come. That's what hunters do [...] family does. Ain't it?
Don't think you're gettin' out of that dinner, either.
[pm] [...] You're making some big assumptions here. [None are incorrect] I neither want nor need company. [... User is aware how that sounds] Genuinely! Maybe you and Flip can come over for dinner sometime, when I'm less busy?
[pm] I [...] am. I'm makin' all kinds of assumptions. [User has, let's be real, no fucking clue. Worse that he doesn't know, really.] Ain't so much worried 'bout makin' an ass outta you and me with 'em. For all I know, someone's bleedin' out on your floor. Or worse.
[User remembers a conversation. It's probably not the right move, but...] You told me knowin' when to ask for help was rare. Figured that meant you were in my camp. [...] I get that you can handle yourself. I ain't disputin' that, but me bein' around... Doesn't Shouldn't that mean you don't have to? [User is being genuine; User is fully aware that, were it not for his obligations to Flip, he'd have been out the door ten minutes ago.]
@technowarden replied to your post “[user is continuing to appear offline, for...”:
[this matches what Wyatt told Eve, once upon a time, but Eve didn't really want to trust his word right now, even if it was from back when they had been friends] [pm] No gear needed! And venom is not a concern. Thanks Kells!
[User pauses from where he's been texting the sitter and making arrangements.]
[pm] Oh, for Chrissakes. [...] Hope Think You might know that ain't enough for me to stand down, Eve. I gotta hand off Flip—Zack ain't 'round—but I can be there in [User checks his phone.] five ten twenty. [...] Half an hour, tops. [User feels uneasy about this truth, but, if things are bad, he needs to be accurate. Eve wouldn't be messaging him if she was actively bleeding out. Right?]
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[user is continuing to appear offline, for paranoia reasons, but also injury reasons] [pm] Hey! Are lamia bites contagious? If you get bitten by one, do you become one?
[User is capable of being calm and rational about this. He'd swear it. Eve reached out to him (... though, seemingly after the fact), and he can get after her once he has more information. Technically, she didn't say she'd been bitten by a lamia. Circumstantial evidence ain't much.]
[pm] Far as the rangers I've worked with can tell, and corroborated by some lamia with [...] looser tongues, let's say, [User has his suspicions.] it's a [...] magical bloodline curse. Whatever the fuck that means. In other words, it ain't turnin' that you need to be worried about, if you run into one. Some lamia are [...] venomous—the more snake-like lamia, mainly, but there are exceptions. Interminglin' families and shit. Lots of variety, Eve. Lots of questions I'd need to ask.
[...] [User frowns.] So, you want to tell me what happened, answer some questions, or is this a 'drop a pin while I gear up' situation? [User learned from the parenting books that, sometimes, you should give two options, so that a child has to pick one. He doubts it'll work on Eve, and he's far from her parent. But she's family, and, well, it's the best he's got. He can't outsmart her, that's for damn sure. (He is pulling on his boots.)]
[User is a little worried, but he doesn’t have the best sense of how often Eve is online. If she was in trouble, real trouble, and her phone was with her… She’d have called him in, right?]
Usually gotta be more of one than the other in my experience. Definitely got a feeling about you. [user is basing this on nothing, he is just being a dick] Sure, an axe versus unspeakable horrors. Also the worms. Sounds solid.
Never said I'd fully benched the hunting gear. I've been known to go for dangerous trophies, too. I'm not that surprised, people are fucking stupid and think they're invincible.
Doubt I can do much to change your opinion from the other side of a screen. [User doesn't know Owen, so the implication doesn't really hit its mark. What does he know?] Halligans, axes, knives—all kinds of sharp objects. [...] [User squints.] Worms [...] burn up, usually. Though, Wicked's Rest has [...] a lot of worms. 'Specially 'round this time of year. Rain brings 'em all to the surface.
Great. Good that you're doin' your part keepin' up with it. If you got the talent, shame not to use it. [...] Some people never grow out of that, I guess.
[pm] Of course not, I still have a prize to claim [user is not referring to the deal]. And I'm very good at juggling willing participants, don't you worry your pretty little head. Please, all you public servants are pathologically wired to help people. Not that I'm worried, I can be very persuasive. You wouldn't believe the minds I've changed.
Oh, he has puns. Don't suppose you need a vivid imagination, then, sure the job gives you all sorts of ideas. Do you keep a list? Check things off as you satiate your curiosity? I'm sure you're not wanting for any participants, either.
So impatient. If you're that excited to start filming, I won't stop you.
[pm] A prize, huh? I'm flattered. [User is not referring to the deal.] Dang, and he called me pretty? See you're workin' on that blush, huh? [...] [There's a joke that the User could make about juggling and balls, but he'll restrain himself.] I don't know if I'd call it pathological. 'Sides, what's wrong with helpin' people out? [...] That so? Don't seem to recall you persuadin' me of much.
Sometimes. If a pun really electrifies me. [User is aware that isn't his best work.] Why take notes? Incident reports get filed when I'm on a call. Our little encounter is immortalized in the driest way possible for as long as the WRFD feels like they need to keep it. [...] Sure ain't. Means I can take my time.
It's [...] been a while. Could do with a practice run, I guess. See if I'm still as handy as I used to be. ;)
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A bind? [user narrows her eyes, surely not] Who forgot to untie you, babe? LOL! That's right, that's right. And that time he helped me rescue my cat from the tree, even before the firefighters got there (totally not a dig at you, he was just THAT fast). And when he helped all those ladies cross the street, and wouldn't go until they were all on the other side. Or when he donated his kidney. What a guy. Anyone would be so lucky to be with him. [user vibrates at the thought of making Emilio a Tinder profile, her bubble bursts as she knows he wouldn't know how to use it] I'm afraid he probably needs the more classic way of matchmaking, though.
Oooof, not Carmelina! I knew she was a little fishy when she invited me in one time and didn't take her shoes off :/ Just... walking around with outside dirt around the house. Tsk, tsk. [user will make sure to check out that crochet club, even if she's never crocheted in her life] WAIT, he's having a housewarming? I missed a treewarming last month, I gotta make sure I'm invited to this one. Pool measuring contest aside, obvi. Yours win all day, every day. He's defo trying to one up you, but we're not falling for it.
[User squints. Surely not.] Not quite that literal, nah. I mean, I'm sure he'd cut me down if I was in some crazy rope trap situation, but what're the odds of that? [Not zero. Also, Emilio would laugh... and User'd deserve that, if he was stupid enough to get snagged in a rope trap.] Oh, which one of yours? Seem to remember you havin' two. And, hey, no offense taken at all. If more enterprisin' civilians like him were helpin' out, the cats of the town would be better served. When we get a call like that, it tends to get a little lower priority. [...] [User wonders if Jade is, perhaps, making shit up. They've done their job, though. Mission accomplished.] Classic, huh? I can see the appeal of that. Feelin' out if there's chemistry without the screens. Some [...] folks [User has no idea, truly, which way(s) Emilio swings. That is not a skill User possesses.] are shit at textin', but perfectly nice when you meet 'em!
Eesh. My ma would've never let me get away with that. Some folks just weren't raised right. [...] He is, but I ain't goin'. You can take my spot, though! [User wasn't invited, but he got the sense Elba wanted him to show up. So, he just... won't.] [...] Say, what's a treewarmin'? Buildin' a treehouse out here seems dangerous a worse idea than all the windows. Apparently. (Y'all ain't the only ones who've warned me. Still don't see what's the big fuss. That card's burnin' a hole in my wallet.)
[pm] You'll find someone, I'm sure. A lot of hunters in this town are more accepting than many out there. You wouldn't believe what some of the hunters here are into. [user stares at the list of hunters hooking up with shifters on the reg. Guess it's still not as bad as hooking up with two different kin killers] I was single for most of my life, I think it gets a bad rap! Lots of fun there. But also, lbr, being a single dad is very attractive, you'll find takers.
You've only been hunting a few times since March?
Yeah, fair! The woods can get really gnarly, and you don't want to end up falling into a mine or a Netherville tunnel. There are a few local Rangers that can show you the ropes, if you're interested.
[pm] Appreciate the vote of confidence! Like you said, even if I don't, it ain't the end of the world or nothin'. [...] Sounds like there's a story or twelve there, but I won't pry. And if those stories involve personal experience, I really don't want to know. No offense. [User clocks "was single" and "most," tucks that away. Not enough evidence to push on it. Plus: Eve's personal life is her business.]
Noted! Will watch for holes. [...] [User sighs. Eve is trying to be helpful. It's a good idea. User should take her up on it. Right? Right.] I [...] could use a few more ranger contacts, for sure. Just [...] if they're down to show me the ropes, maybe forward me their information? Can meet 'em out in the field.
[...] Speakin' of bein' out in the field, though... What's this about? Racin' with a friend? [User isn't paranoid. Yet.]
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