☺ No name ☺

Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes

I can't quite explain it, but Clue (1985), The Princess Bride (1987), Galaxy Quest (1999), and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) are all the same genre

They aren't a spoof (roast) or a love letter (tribute), but a best man's speech; an expression of love with a gentle ribbing on ocassion.

I now have the deepest desire to write a "break into the vault" story were they are introducing The Crew™️and then they are just like "oh and that guy, yeah apparently they can pick any lock in the world" so everyone is like mystified by them until they go on the mission and one of them asks "hey, where is your equipment how are you gonna break in" and then they just pull out their single sided jiggler and start jiggling

29th June 2026. This year's Strawberry Moon was extremely low in the sky, which made it look very large and bright. (A perfect photographic opportunity!)

One time when my dad was in the hospital they were testing his orientation to time and place and said "Okay and what year is it?" and he said "1995" (he had dementia). And the doctor and I unconsciously exchanged a Look because it was in fact uhhh 2024 😐 and dad saw that and so when the next doctor did the test a few hours later he said "uhhhh...nineteen...nintetyyyy.......seven...???" and I was like okay, well, that IS closer, you do have to give him that

#he still knew immediately who I was which was deeply funny to me bc I was 7-8 years old in 1997 #"yes that is my daughter who was apparently born in her 20s"

tragically project hail mary was grown in a test tube for me specifically like. woman who fucking did all that and history will call her a villain but there will be history books to do so and that is her victory. scruffiest man alive who cries constantly and can't keep his glasses on to save his life and who is so so scared. the alien who is on its species' very first space exploration mission and who is so so alone and reaching out to the completely unknown life just for any chance that it won't be, anymore. and everything is ending but we still stop and gaze in awe at these beautiful, terrible things that are killing us. and we never call them evil.

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

I grew up before the term 'thigh gap' was invented I grew up before 'hip dip' was invented I was born before 'muffin top' was a thing before 'clean girl look' was a thing before 'glass skin' was a thing before razoring off peach fuzz was a thing and I'm so so so fucking tired of us inventing new concepts purely for the purpose of convincing people to hate their own bodies enough to buy products

"why do men watch porn instead of just having sex with their girlfriends?" is already silly for numerous reasons, but seeing it being used as like. a feminist talking point is so crazy to me because like of the implication that being in a relationship means being available for sex all the time, which you know. doesn't feel great for women i think.

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them