Hello Bee Bee Gee

Sorry I’ve been quiet so long… life has been difficult for me to navigate this year.

I now can only walk a very short distance, with a cane. So most of my time is spent lying in bed or on my couch hopped up on pain killers - that barely take the edge off at this point.

I look forward to healing and returning to creative areas of my life I’ve had to do without for so long because of chronic pain 😢💔

I hope you have all been doing well.

Much love

I thought I would give you a little update on what's going on with my health stuff. I had my 3 month follow up appointment with my neurosurgeon on Monday, and it turns out I have re-herniated the L5 disc in my back and now the L4 disc is slightly herniated there’s also nerve encasement from scar tissue and a whole bunch of other horrendous stuff I have to deal with.

This news was fairly upsetting since early January I was told to “Tough it out” and then asked in this meeting why I did that and never called him… apparently he received additional MRI info from my scan (they injected a dye which takes clearer nerve images) that didn’t show up till February some time, he had called or faxed this info to my family doctor but no one ever called me. Also when I called my family doctor about it later in the day he had no copy of this new info and no fax/email was found either. So f*ck me I guess right?

So I'll be needing surgery again, and at this point we (my dr & I) have discussed and decided that the best course of action is a spinal fusion. Not exactly thrilled about it (my husband had a bit of a breakdown and my mom thinks I should be suing someone) but it’s likely the best course of action considering what's going on right now. Additionally, I also have irreparable nerve damage… because I’ve been “toughing it out” and in doing so - have made things worse. The numbness in my left leg has spread to my heel and my kneecap so walking is not only difficult now, it’s also very very painful.

On top of that I was diagnosed with clinical depression (again) and the new meds I was on gave me crazy heartburn, insomnia and hot flashes. So now my therapist has me doing a full detox. It’s gonna be hell in my head for awhile 😞😮‍💨😔

I really want to thank everyone who has sent me messages, texts and letters even and all the incredible support from people who have donated to my GoFundMe as it has been a very anxious and stressful time for me and also our financial situation is not great as I'm sure you all know by now.

I do hope that with this surgery it will help me be somewhat pain-free again at some point. I really really hope so… I’m trying to remain optimistic.

It hasn't been scheduled yet but my surgeon is trying to get it rushed to have it done ASAP, so likely this or next month. Not really sure what’s gonna happen but hopefully it all turns out well.

Much love

- B