Your Local Cryptid

Gloin is the sexiest dwarf by dwarf standards.

Kili is the sexiest dwarf by elf standards.

Thorin is the sexiest dwarf by human standards

@t-e-reynolds ok so boom

smeyer wakes up from a vivid dream on june 2, 2003

smeyer’s dream inspires her to write twilight

twilight gets published (2005) and the books and movies become a global phenomenon

e.l. james writes a bdsm twilight fanfic titled master of the universe

master of the universe is later published as fifty shades of grey (2011)

the fifty shades book series becomes wildly popular

fifty shades of grey gets adapted into a movie (2015), in which dakota johnson is cast as protagonist anastasia steele in her breakthrough role

the fifty shades movie series also becomes wildly popular and dakota johnson’s acting career takes off

dakota goes on ellen degeneres’s talk show, where ellen tries to play dakota for a fool and dakota shuts that shit down

people start noticing that ellen has a tendency to make her celeb guests feel very uncomfortable and is terrible to her employees

At minimum about 4.5 thousand people liked this without reblogging it.

me as soon as I get home: