If a Tree Falls on a Mime, Does it Make a Sound?

These aren't isolated stories. They're buiness as usual for commercial banks. Here's my hard-won advice for changing banks the smart way.

Closing a Bank Account

BofA once refused to cash a $7.00 business check--presented in person and drawn on their branch--without charging me a TEN DOLLAR fee because I wasn't a customer. I spoke to the branch manager and when he refused to waive the fee, I tore up the check and dropped it at his feet. I never did business with BofA again and have refused checks drawn on their accounts ever since. That was over twenty years ago. Yes, I was pissed.

Don't Just Close Your Account

When you close an account the bank knows they've already lost you as a customer. There is very little incentive for them to make the process easy and every incentive to squeeze the last possible dollar out if you.

He Who Documenrs, Wins.

Bank accounts don't automatically close when you draw the balance to zero. You must explicitely notify the bank of your intent. Don't rely on an 800-number. Do so in writing, or at least follow up your phone call with a written, mailed letter.

For those who haven't had issues with outrageous bank fees, know that running the balance negative will cause the bank to eventually close the account in a delinquent status. They won't sue you, however...

The bank will report the debt to a banking-only credit reporting service called ChexSystems and when you try to open an account at another bank you will be turned away. Forever. The only way to clear the flag is to pay those fees. Better to avoid that altogether.

How to Close an Account the Smart Way

If you want to close an sccount, especially one you haven't held for over a year (avoiding "early account closure" fees), sit down with a branch officer and ask them the procedure for closing the account and avoiding any surprises. I've found branch employees helpful and sympathetic in most cases. Document the employee's name, what they said and did, and the date and time you met. He who documents, wins.

Switch to a Credit Union or Savings Bank

Credit Unions, and to a lesser degree Savings and Loan Associations, are usually much more consumer friendly with fewer fees and better loan terms. Credit unions are also much more open to membership than they used to be.

And when you run into a problem a local credit union is managed by a local executive team, not a faceless conglometate. It's much easier to contact a real person and get your issue resolved in your favor.

You can find a local credit union using Google or by searching NCUA or CUlookup.

An instrument finely tuned to the rotary vibrational signature of Greek meat roasting systems.

Fandom Problem #15,530:

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.