Honey, I Love You

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

⚠️sweetiepie located

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

it’s so hard for me to listen to heartbroken/angry breakup songs by straight men bc no matter how good the song is i’ll be like i’m not sure if i fully believe you. let’s hear her side of the story.

this ALWAYS happens to me with Serbia. i'm always like my boy i know you're the problem i just can't prove it yet

🇷🇸?

[ID: a 5 cent coin (euro) has a small text engraving near the center that says (in all caps), “‘Average person engraves memes at 0.7mm’ factoid actually just statistical error. Average person engraves 0 memes at any size. Engraver Dave who lives in a workshop and engraves bullshit all day is an outlier adn should not have been counted.” /end ID]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

my trusty old mouse finally died and i don't think i like this new mouse as much. :(

No it's not that I don't appreciate the flirting, I just wish you wouldn't do it while I'm in the middle of vivisecting you. Yes I know that it's really hot when I'm covered in your blood elbow deep in your chest cavity that's why I keep vivisecting you. But I keep getting flustered and dropping your liver and its really slippery so I keep dropping it over and over again leading to very comedic slapstick comedy where I slip on your blood and fall over really funny

posts that are significantly funnier with timestamps. what the fuck was i doing on christmas posting this

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

I’ll admit I’ve sent a 👍 in my time

had some time to chat with the verizon wireless guy while my phone was getting set up and he’s a straight guy it turns out he has two moms and used to DJ for drag events. culturally LGBT