for nature's so and rain's a part of how life goes

Despite the fact that every single story about a wish is called "There Is No Way To Perfectly Word Your Wish Without There Being Some Sort Of Side Effect Or Unintended Consequence" I do feel like if I was in the position to get a wish granted I could perfectly word it as such there would be no side effects or unintended consequences.

love how Rocky is always serving main character energy. dude steps up and leaves their smoking hot mate to go on a noble quest. Then everyone dies mysteriously and a fucking alien shows up who is somehow smart but also dumb as hell. So now bro has a lovable sidekick and you two save each other through the power of friendship multiple times. Then you figure out a way to save the fucking world and you get to go back home a hero. And your funny bestie alien sidekick comes with you because he thinks you're so cool. Rockys life is a movie. He's a legend.

Just realised I follow three different nonbinary people named Maia. The nickels keep rolling in.

the rainbow is claimed by various queer groups because we're all such goddamn clowns apparently

using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

my favorite part is that absolutely nobody says this except here. so if you use it in public, it's a dead giveaway that you spent the last ten years on tumblr. but then again, they recognized it, which means they were at the devil's sacrament

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

You know I gotta learn shitpost brevity. Most of my successful posts are like 3 paragraph essays, minimum. Fucking dissertations. Terrible note-to-word ratio. Inefficient. In this economy? In this economy? Unsustainable. Everyone else posting "blowing my balls up at the bomb factory" and getting 50,000 notes. Amazing ROI. They're the future and I'm on dial-up. The market's gonna out-compete me.

opened my wip and didnt immediately write a thousand new beautiful and perfect words so i'm going to smash my laptop with a hammer

one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.