Randomness

The drivers of all states suck, of course, this is a given. HOWEVER. There are some very special places that stand out among these. In order of how in fear for my life I was.

3. Houston. Drivers in Texas in general treat speed limits as a lower limit for how fast you should be going and the drivers in Houston show no regard for life or limb.

2. Atlanta. The drivers of Atlanta do not fear death for themselves and would rather you both die than let you merge.

Fucking. New Jersey. If I never drive I-95 or the Turnpike again I will die happy. You've never known fear until you see someone neglect to use turn signals and Jersey Slide through 4 lanes of near bumper to bumper 80 MPH traffic and cut in front of you to make their exit as you slam the brakes on and miss rear ending them by about half an inch.

Winter

still winter

still still winter

false spring

second winter

mud

actual spring (3 days)

Road construction

Autumn (1 week)

Winter

Drivers from Minnesota SEEM polite. They use their turn signals! Then they will cut over in front of you 23 feet ahead (for reference, safe space in front of a semi is 200 feet).

His joy and whimsy at seeing this

His acknowledgement of it not being as interesting as the chase

This spell affects the target as Banishment, sending them to a harmless demiplane. While there, they do not need to eat or drink. However, the duration of the spell is different. When the target fails its saving throw and disappears, all creatures who witnessed the spell forget that you cast it. You forget that you ever had access to Leomund’s Horrendous Oubliette, and even the existence of such a spell - it vanishes from your spellbook and list of spells known. You can subconsciously make up an explanation for the target’s disappearance - they fled, or teleported away, or fell into the nearby well. If your target succeeds on its save, you retain your memories.

There is no save against the memory loss, but creatures affected by it can make an Intelligence check against (2+your spell save DC) if they actively probe their missing memories.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier.

So many people put such a heavy pressure on sex to fulfill all or almost all intimacy needs in romantic relationships, because they haven’t learnt or considered other forms of intimacy. Because sex seems simple and straightforward, and socially has been constructed to be a way to measure romantic love. And there’s just so much more ways to connect beyond sex.

I myself was in a relationship with an allo guy for 9 years, and was pressured into doing all sorts of things I didn’t want to do, which left me badly scarred to this day. Seeked professional help, was told I was the problem and needed fixing, which kept me in that abusive relationship for a long time out of guilt. The “fixing”, as it turned out, only traumatized me further and didn’t change me (oh, surprise, conversion therapies don’t work!).

Thankfully I ended up breaking up with the guy.

I’ve now been in a long-term romantic relationship with another allo person for some years, and it’s working. Because there are SO MANY ways to connect and feel fulfilled in a relationship aside from sex. All it takes is being kind, thoughtful and curious.

Never let anyone make you feel that your asexuality is a problem. It isn’t. It’s just another part of who you are. A beautiful, enriching, meaningful one. It should be embraced and honoured by your romantic partners, allo or not.

Sadly not all allo people will understand. But that doesn’t make you the problem. If they can’t see past sex into the infinite potential ways of human connection, the problem is theirs.

Made this post about 15 minutes after the repair guy who fixed the pump on my dishwasher packed up his tools and left, as the dishwasher was whirring along doing my dishes from that morning.

The literal cofounder of queer theory as an academic field says that abandoning trans people is fascist logic.

The voices in our community trying to exclude us may be loud, but they are not right, and they do not speak for the community as a whole or our history or anything at all.

cast & crew wages: $1,200 + uber eats

fake blood (assuming generous discount on bulk purchase): $2,000,000 i am so not kidding i did the math this is nuts