*shlrbp*

it's ok to keep secrets, everybody has some skeletons in the closet. Wraiths in the attic. Ghosts in the bedroom. Mummy in the kitchen. Enchanted armor on the stairs. Slimes in the basement. Maybe a giant spider in the backyard. Beholder or two in the garage. Vampires are also in the closet

my house is very unsafe

the younger generation is delusional, like why bother guarding your brood? in my day we would lay egg masses everywhere in obscure locations and statistically some of your offspring would make it to maturity.

boss makes a spider i make a slime. that's why i . thas why, tthats why i uhhh. t. thawhy

t.gats why i can't think up an end to the rhyme

GET BACK TO WORK

messed up that you can literally be better and nicer in every way and the adventuring party will still be like "waaa its a shapeshifter waaaa the real whatstheirface would never say that" like ok maybe i am a picture perfect copy of your friend that i imprisoned beneath the earth and replaced when you werent looking. so what. maybe they were a cunt. maybe i thought youd appreciate an improved version of your friend. with awesome eldritch tendrils.

dissecting myself to raise awareness

hit me baby one more slime

THATS FUCKING RIGHT

with a taste of her slips I'm on a slime

Did you know each slime girl has her own unique flavor? Try putting the next one you see in your mouth to discover their particular taste! Don’t worry about asking, they’ll love it.

she was ethically opposed to the practice of assimilation into the hive mind but her dick was a fork and by g-d that goo girl pussy was starting to look like a toaster

so you eat the slime? and drink it? the slime nourishes you completely? and all you have to do is climb in the tank?

Everybody wants to rule the world

I'm inventing a new type of girl that can move through solid surfaces with ease

where did she go

They recently did a procedure to remove all the sludge and goo from my body and turn her into a new girl who thinks and feels. And i'm pissed about it. Because I think she's better than me