this time i'm really gonna do it

this is how lesbians text when you’re trying to figure out where to go for dinner

When I was training to be a paramedic, we had one student ask the instructor what to do in the event of a marijuana overdose. The instructor said "Tell him to take two twinkies and call you in the morning."

I kind of think Disco Elysium is one of those things where a bunch of people like it so you might just think it's some bullshit but it's actually good. Like look. It's not the game's fault that tumblr can't stop doing the overbearing babygirlifying thing. Like tumblr has a kind of enthusiasm that erases the actual thing

like sometimes i think what tumblr does to their favorite media is genuinely the opposite of love. i am not joking at all when i say this.

me when i fucking GET you

i like it when people compliment me. i like it... when people like me. (looks around to make sure nobody is about to shoot me)

id lie right to willy wonkas face. “did you drink fizzy lifting drinks” of course not. And then id hit him

This is why you won't inherit the factory.

i dont want the factory. I want to see fear in his eyes

hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage