it all goes back and back

Yes.

But you're not alone. I recommend these posts on the subject: @bitchfromtheseventhhell's comparison of Jon's two encounters with Gilly, @lyannas's meta on Jon's treatment of the one woman with lower social status than him., and @dwellordream's comparison of Gilly's speech vs Val's. Also, Celia's Jon and Gilly and Jon and women tags have some other excellent posts on the subject. And I would be incredibly remiss if I didn't mention @asoiafuniversity's Gilly tag, where many of the above posts are reblogged, among others.

But it was just fascinating to me that within all the metas I've seen about Jon's horrific treatment of Gilly - which to be fair there aren't nearly enough in proportion to all the puff pieces declaring Jon the Most Feminist character in asoiaf - I've never before seen anyone comparing Jon “killing the boy” in his Gilly confrontation with Jaime acting as “Tywin's son” in his Edmure confrontation? Not once in 14 years on this site reading meta since ADWD. Even though in retrospect the scenes are obvious parallels.

"And if I will not yield?" Must you make me say the words? Pia was standing by the flap of the tent with her arms full of clothes. His squires were listening as well, and the singer. Let them hear, Jaime thought. Let the world hear. It makes no matter. He forced himself to smile [...] Jaime got to his feet. "Your wife may whelp before that. You'll want your child, I expect. I'll send him to you when he's born. With a trebuchet."

Jon closed the fingers of his sword hand. “Take both boys and the queen’s men will ride after you and drag you back. The boy will still burn … and you with him.” If I comfort her, she may think that tears can move me. She has to realize that I will not yield. “You’ll take one boy, and that one Dalla’s.” [...] “You will make a crow of him.” She wiped at her tears with the back of a small pale hand. “I won’t. I won’t.” Kill the boy, thought Jon. “You will. Else I promise you, the day that they burn Dalla’s boy, yours will die as well.”

"I'll leave you to enjoy your food. Singer, play for our guest whilst he eats. You know the song, I trust." "The one about the rain? Aye, my lord. I know it."

“Men say that freezing to death is almost peaceful. Fire, though … do you see the candle, Gilly?” She looked at the flame. “Yes.” “Touch it. Put your hand over the flame.” Her big brown eyes grew bigger still. She did not move. “Do it.” Kill the boy. “Now.” Trembling, the girl reached out her hand, held it well above the flickering candle flame. “Down. Let it kiss you.” Gilly lowered her hand. An inch. Another. When the flame licked her flesh, she snatched her hand back and began to sob.

Going kinda off topic, it seems like the existing framework focuses on intent, rather than considering the threats themselves to be acts of violence or the first step in self-fulfilling prophecies. Personally I think that’s the more fruitful way of looking at it. Like, let’s say that both Jon and Jaime are 100% bluffing and neither of them intends to go through with it. That assumes that they’re going to be around to stop the events their actions set in motion. Let’s say that, in an incredibly unlikely series of events, Jaime Lannister disappears and is incommunicado for an extended period of time while Roslin remains in Lannister custody. Jaime’s threat was heard by his men, who have every reason to believe that putting that baby in a trebuchet was their Lord Commander’s wish should things go south for them. Jon’s got the opposite problem - nobody else heard his threat besides Gilly. If, in another unlikely series of events, Jon is killed and the Wall is thrown into chaos with multiple competing factions vying for control, Jon has created a situation in which the burning of Gilly’s child is the very predictable outcome. The damage is done, both Roslin’s and Gilly’s babies are going to die, as a direct consequence of Jon’s and Jaime’s actions. 

gilly's baby is in danger from being seperated from the one person in the world who truly cares for his well-being and would protect him, leaving him in the care of jon, who made the threat, and val, herself a glorified hostage also under jon's protection. edmure/roslin's future child has more worth and more people to care about the baby's fate just by virtue of being highborn. the fact that roslin believes the baby's sex could determine edmure's death date shows that old walder frey still cares about having the next tully heir in his custody/bloodline, even if the lannisters have formally given riverrun to his second son (and the lord paramount title to baelish). lord walder does not value his children and grandchildren in a loving way, but he does in a family pride sense similar to tywin, housing all his descendants in need of it and bragging about how many men he'd sired, only willing to sacrifice one (developementally disabled) frey as the price for refusing to end his revenge and allow robb stark to go free at his mother's request. jaime himself could have the authority to summon roslin and her newborn child in the name of the crown, but any of his men acting in his absence would likely have a much stickier time getting roslin from their ostensible lordly ally, as she is still in her father's custody, yet to birth, at the end of affc.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.

previous thread for undertale and chapter 1+2

right now kris is having a lot of fun being back in the dark world because it's an adventure for her.

chapter 3 was v fun. i feel like the story is just going to ramp up from here. a lot of time spent on tenna and what it means to spend your time in a nostalgia of the past, chasing the glory days that will never come back.

after chapter 3 deltarune is firmly a work of children's literature (positive) for me now, in how it spends a lot of time paying attention to what it means to be a kid growing up, the uncertainty of school and fitting in with peers, the growing pains associated with being too old for certain fantasies while still looking back to them for comfort, and the strangeness of looking back at your childhood while still being a child.