hello, i'm jella and i'm a Yearning Gay II 24 II idc which pronouns you use oops II vityuu on ao3 II i reply from @emeraldbluexxxx cause tumblr is a b*itch πβ¨
Know we didnt talk in a while and I hope u okk now... also wondering if u wanna do a vicuuri x never let me down?
Chose a random nr from my playlist and it was kinda lucky :)
ahhh iβm good now yeah, ty for worrying!! hope you are too <333 iβm sorry this is so late ASKSKS i hope you like it!! i might or might not have written most of it during a lecture whoops,,, also ty for the request!Β
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Victor is used to hiding everything behind a smile.
He never talks about his feelings β there's no space for them in skating. Maybe there was years ago, when he was still bright-eyed and hopeful, when love coloured his every move, his every jump and he was filled with indescribable joy after every performance. When skating was something he did because he loved it and not only because it was the only thing he was good at.
But now, Victor is Victor Nikiforov. He's Victor Nikiforov, the living legend, an untouchable god in skating no one could come close to, who was naturally good at it. Someone who never made mistakes, never faltered β he was the one person everyone wanted to catch up to, to push out of the top.
If they knew how lonely it was there, maybe they wouldn't want it because Victor is alone and he has to be alone. He has to be alone because he can't show any weakness to anyone.
Yuuri Katsuki is not like that.
It is almost like every single one of his emotions is etched onto his face, in the furrow between his eyebrows whenever he's anxious, or the shy turn of his lips whenever he's happy. His eyes sparkle when he's excited, his arms moving with the speed of his words. Victor feels warm whenever he looks at him.
He never thought that the man who swept him off his feet β quite literally β at that banquet so long ago would one day be moving in with him. He never thought that this level of happiness was possible. Not for him.
It made him want to be more open with himself. He wanted to share the parts of himself he kept hidden for so long β the lonely, broken parts of him that he never let anyone see β with the world.
Or just with Yuuri. There wasn't much difference to him, after all.
It was hard, though. His mind was, is and forever will be a dark, dark place that he sometimes sunk into. It was never as bad as Yuuri had it, he didn't think, but his thoughts were still hard to escape.
Victor Nikiforov is 28 years old. He is 28 years old which means his body is a ticking bomb just ready to go off at any seconds.
He knows he only has maybe one or two good seasons left. He can feel it in the hollow ache of his muscles all the way down to his bones, in the way his knees buckle when he lands a jump and his stamina is starting to get worse.
He only has one or two good seasons left in him and he doesn't want them to go to waste.
Maybe deciding to get back to skating was a bad idea. Maybe Victor should have let himself be blown out like a candle while he was still at his peak, suddenly and without a warning before people around him started noticing his weakness.
But he wanted to skate with Yuuri.
Him returning to the ice made Yuuri happy.
Victor lives for making Yuuri happy.
βVictor?β Yuuri says, breaking Victor out of his thoughts. Yuuri turns from the pan he is hunched over. His eyebrows crease with worry. βAre you ok?β
Victor forces a smile as he taps his fingers against the marble island stretching out over the middle of the kitchen. βOf course I am, Yuuri. Whyβd you ask?β
Yuuri fully turns to him. βYouβve been awfully quiet since weβve returned from practice.β
Victor hesitates for a second too long and he knows that Yuuri sees right through him. Still, he glances away as to not face his gaze. βIβm fine.β
Yuuri frowns but he does not pry, just turns back to the omelette heβs making.
Victor is grateful for that.
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Victor is laying in the dark with the soft buzz of snowflakes hitting his window a backdrop to his thoughts. His hand is curled around Yuuriβs waist, rubbing the warm skin while Yuuriβs hair tickles at his chest and his breath strokes across his collarbones. He watches the cracks across his ceiling, like cracks under skates that split the smooth surface of the ice.
His eyes glance at his hand that spreads out across the sheet. The golden ring glints in the sliver of moonlight. His lips curl into a smile.
It is the only gold he ever won that does not feel like a shackle around his neck.
βYuuri?β he whispers into the peaceful room. βAre you awake?β
βMmm,β Yuuri murmurs and shifts in his hold. Bleary eyes turn to face him. Victorβs hand tightens on his waist. βI am now.β
Victor huffs out a laugh as his eyes turn back towards the ceiling. βSorry, I didnβt mean to wake you,β he whispers. βI was just checking.β
Yuuriβs hair tickles him through his silk pajama top as he shakes his hand. βItβs ok, I donβt mind. We donβt have practice tomorrow morning, anyway.β
βTrue.β He keeps his gaze on the ceiling. βIβm still sorry.β
Yuuriβs hand moves from the sheet to hold Victorβs. He gives it a squeeze.
βYuuri?β he says again after a minute of silence that presses heavy against his chest. βCan Iβ¦β He bites his bottom lip as he struggles to say something. Anything. He knows Yuuri will not judge him if he does.
The words still get stuck in the back of his throat.
Yuuri lifts his head from Victorβs chest and shifts higher to tilt his head so their gazes meet. βVictor?β he says softly.
Victor loosens a shaky breath and searches his eyes. He squeezes his hand tighter. βIβm scared,β he finally manages to choke out and sighs as tears gather at the corners of his eyes. He roughly wipes them away with the back of his hand.
Yuuri blinks. His hand grips Victorβs and gently pushes it away in favour of wiping the wetness away himself. βOf what?β he whispers, hand lingering against his cheek.
Victor nuzzles into it like a kitten and gives another shaky sigh. βI donβt know,β he says, gritting his teeth together. He looks back up towards the ceiling so he does not have to face him. βNothing. Everything.β
βIs this why youβve been awfully quiet today?β Yuuri asks. His voice is soft and caring and Victor wants to weep. He does not know why; it is just pressing heavily against very being.
βMaybe? Iβve just been too stuck in my mind.β He presses an arm over his eyes to hide the tear that slides down his cheek. It feels freezing cold. βI hate it. I hate it so much.β
Yuuriβs hand squeezes the hand heβs holding. βVictorβ¦β he leans in to wrap his arms around him, pulling his head against his chest. Victorβs shoulders shake and he burrows his face into his chest as he gives a silent sob.
βIs there anything I can do?β Yuuriβs warm hand strokes circles into his scalp. Victor releases another shaky breath.
βIβm scared,β he says again, voice tight as he attempts to gather his thoughts. βIβm scared, Yuuri.β
Yuuri presses a soft kiss against the crown of his hair. βItβs ok, let it all out, itβs ok,β he whispers and Victor feels something inside of him break. His tears flow out freely, and he hiccups as he clutches at him like a lifeline.
β Itβs just,β he starts and scowls, his tears staining Yuuriβs sleeping shirt. βItβs justβ¦ Iβm scared this is my last good season. Iβm scared because Iβm 28 and skating is the only thing Iβve done for more than 20 years. I donβt know how to do anything else, I donβt want to retire but I also know I need to because I β I can feel it. I wobble on jumps, I get tired too easily, Iβm one knee injury away from retiring anyway. But I also donβt want to retire yet because β because you taught me to love skating again and Iβve just started to enjoy it again and β and ---β
Victor grits his teeth together. Yuuri just silently holds him.
βAnd I donβt want to let you down,β Victor adds in a near whisper as he grasps at him tighter and curls up into himself. βI know you want to skate with me and I want to skate with you and even saying that I want to skate is amazing because I was going to retire this season but I really, really want to but Iβm scared that if I return Iβll just let everyone down. Everyone expects me to be so amazing all the time but I canβt be and I know I need to retire before Iβm forced to by an injury.β
Victor takes a deep breath and slumps against himself. He squeezes his eyes shut.
Yuuriβs hand moves to rub his back. βHow long have you been sitting on that?β he asks, voice feather-light and gentle. Victor gives a little laugh.
βA while,β he admits. βIβmβ¦ not used to talking about my feelings. I didnβt think anyone would care as long as I skated alright.β
Yuuriβs lips find the crown of his head again. βThank you for telling me,β he says and when Victor looks up at his face, bathed in pearly moonlight, he sees he is smiling. Victor closes his eyes when Yuuri brushes his bangs out of them.
βI hope I didnβt pressure you into returning to the ice,β Yuuri continues and cups his cheek. His hand is warm against his freezing cheek. Victor sobs and nuzzles into it again, trying to control his breathing.
βYou didnβt, I did it because I wanted to skate alongside you.β
βGood, because I never want to pressure you into anything.β His lips find his forehead. βYouβd never let me down, Vitya. Never. You can flub as many jumps you want, you can retire, hell, you can move to Antarctica and stay there to, I donβt know, study the penguins alone, I would always be in awe of you. I would always love you.β He hesitates. βYou know that, donβt you?β
Victor sobs louder and presses his hand against his mouth. βI-Iβm trying,β he admits. βIβmβ¦Not used to that.β
Love always felt conditional to him. If he skated well, the audience loved him. If he behaved (though he rarely did), Yakov loved him. If he scored well, Russia loved him.
If he stays untouchable, if he overworks himself into exhaustion, if he stays the living legend, the world loves him.
βOh, Vitya,β Yuuri breathes and squeezes him closer. His hands fist at the back of his shirt. βYou donβt have to do anything special for me to love you. I wonβt love you less if you fuck up, if youβre not always the best. You can never let me down. You saw me at my worst and you never ran away. Why would I?β
βIβI donβt know,β he says, voice shaking. He bites back another sob and takes a deep breath. βIt felt like you would.β
βNever.β Yuuri starts stroking his hair again, hand shaking the tiniest bit. βYouβre stuck with me, Vitya. I canβt promise you that you wonβt fall and injure yourself tomorrow. I canβt promise you that your body wonβt catch up with you.β
Victor glances up at Yuuriβs face when Yuuriβs hand urges him to look him in the eyes. He sniffles, another tear leaking down his warm cheek.
βBut what I can promise you,β Yuuri continues and gives him a watery smile as he wipes it away. βIs that if those do happen, Iβll be here. If you decide you want to retire, Iβll be here. I wonβt leave you. I could never leave you. I love you too much.β
Victor throws his arms around him and sobs softly into his shoulder, shaking as Yuuriβs hand warms him down to his core when it draws nonsense shapes Victorβs too lost to recognise.
βI love you too,β he answers shakily when a few minutes pass and his breathing starts to slow, his shaking a mere tremor compared to how he began. He pulls away only slightly, so slight their chests still touch, to give Yuuri a watery smile just as the moon peeks out from behind a thick cloud and sheds a sliver of light over Yuuriβs porcelain-smooth face. βI love you so much.β
He buries his head into the crook of his neck again, pressing a soft kiss to the warm skin he finds there. βWhat have I ever done to deserve someone as amazing as you?β he breathes in deeply to ground himself.
βExisted,β Yuuri says and brushes his hair away from his face before their hands twine again.
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did you know that apparently if you try to act normal the normalness doesn't come through but the acting does. and did you know apparently everyone can smell this on you like a bloodhound
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WARNING do NOT start reading books and comics or watching movies or looking at art!!! you will start wanting to create art yourself. or god forbid. writing.
This is a spiritual sword au, sy basically transmigrated into xiu ya, and cultivates a human form (he's hot af with white hair, this au is courtesy of @sintiadaria , go check out their stuff it's soooo good)
This is before Xiu Ya!Shen Yuan cultivates a human form, hes in a sort of incorporeal liminal state :3
I feel like Bing-mei's a little freak with a hoard of niche kinks and a sexual awakening every other chapter, while the only thing that makes Bing-ge feel anything close to pleasure is the thought of being gently held in a genuinely loving embrace
big fan of lqg being associated with anything divine.. lqg being called bz's angel as a disciple.. lqg upgrading to bz's war god as peak lord.. big fan of lqg in general
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People say that god visited them in their dream and then they converted to christianity.
But when I say that Luo Binghe visited me in my dream and told me to stop shipping his shizun with other people is what made me convert from liushen to bingqiu, then people call me crazy.
i still can't believe luo binghe achieved the dream of marrying the dad of the person who used to bully you while said bully is still in close enough proximity to regularly catch you sucking face. extremely iconic tbh
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